[sal]

Some statistics that I found on the web..."60 to 90% of adoptees want to obtain identifying information regarding their biological parents and it is a normative aspect of being adopted" and "65% wanted to meet their birthparents" ...this is from the American Adoption Congress 1996 My reunion was triggered by a coworkers reunion with her birthson and my reunion with my bfamily triggered a friend's son to search and successfully reunite with his bparents and his bsiblings. Every adoptee is different... and to search or not search is a decision that is made deep in the soul..Searching does not relate to how well one was parented or how much one was loved... It is a personal decision...sal

[txrnr]

I too have found that I have been the odd one in that I don't have this overwhelming desire to search. (although, that may be changing) Most of my adoptee friends want to know, although none have searched. I do know one woman who searched, and has a good reunion. I've always had the impression that everyone wants to search, and no one feels they have the right to do so.

My parents always assumed I'd want to know. They've broached the subject with me, but to my knowledge, have always respected my wishes to leave it alone. Oddly enough, I've never asked my brother about it. I may do that.

[longingtomeetyou]

Originally Posted by sal

Some statistics that I found on the web..."60 to 90% of adoptees want to obtain identifying information regarding their biological parents and it is a normative aspect of being adopted" and "65% wanted to meet their birthparents" ...this is from the American Adoption Congress 1996 My reunion was triggered by a coworkers reunion with her birthson and my reunion with my bfamily triggered a friend's son to search and successfully reunite with his bparents and his bsiblings. Every adoptee is different... and to search or not search is a decision that is made deep in the soul..Searching does not relate to how well one was parented or how much one was loved... It is a personal decision...sal

interesting

[txrnr]

Part of that may be that a good deal of us are from the closed era of adoption, and the idea was, we were never to be a part of that family. It's tough, and expensive for some to find the information they need, and most of the birthparents were told they could never search.

With open adoptions, in some cases, you don't have to search. The contact, or at least the id is already there.

[lonni]

Um- I paid thousands to search. Not exactly chump change!!!!! If you include flying back from Europe, then it was an additional 1,800.00. I was required to be in the USA (supposedly) to have my search done.
I had a court ordered search done for medical. My nat. mom still had to give permission for her ID to be given to me by the Court Appointed Contact.

So I would expect many adoptees to not have the cash laying around either-even for the "normal" search.

[sal]

Central...I'm wondering why it seems that you are trying to discount adoptee searches and reunions...? I'm wondering if it may have to do with you trying to find reinforcement that your adopted son won't search for his bfather when he gets older... and if only 2-4% actually DO...then you can probably breathe a sigh of relief. If you want to take the statistic from my adoptive family... 100% of the adopted children searched for and reunited with birthmoms and birthfamilies. Perhaps your son growing up with his biological mother will take some of the wondering and longing away... and he may never want to search for his birthfather...especially with the information that it seems you will be poised to give him... BUT...don't forget that just because his bfather is who he is with the major issues in his life..there are more family members out there...that may be a wonderful addition to his life at some point in time. He may not feel that these relatives have any place in his life... BUT.. he may...and that is for him to figure out as he gets older...

[BrockBaby]

All I can say sal is WELL SAID!!!!!!

[Sniffles]

AMEN and very well said sal!

central, from my personal experience, in 1990 I was too young to search. Also the internet was not widely available back then and my search was made possible through the internet. So a study that was done 17 years agos is not going to be too accurate.

Also if you are going to qoute a survey, please do us justice and post the whole thing, not just the parts that suit your needs.

How Many Adoptees Search?

• Between two and four percent of all adoptees searched in the year 1990. (American Adoption Congress, 1996)
• A survey conducted in the late 1980's estimated that 500,000 adult adoptees were seeking or have found their birth families. (Groza and Rosenberg, 1998)
• In a study of American adolescents, the Search Institute found that 72 percent of adopted adolescents wanted to know why they were adopted, 65 percent wanted to meet their birth parents, and 94 percent wanted to know which birth parent they looked like. (American Adoption Congress, 1996)
• The psychological literature has established that the desire of 60 to 90 percent of adoptees wanting to obtain identifying information regarding their biological parents is a normative aspect of being adopted. (American Adoption Congress, 1996)

What are the Attitudes of Triad Members Towards Searching?

• In a comprehensive study of the issues involved in adoption, the Maine Department of Human Resources Task Force on Adoption found in 1989 that every birth parent who was surveyed wanted to be found by the child/adult they had placed for adoption and 95% of the adoptees who were surveyed expressed a desire to be found by their birth parents. 98% of the adoptive parents supported reunions between their adopted child and members of the adoptee's birth family. (CWLA, 1998)
• Sachdev's 1991 study found that a substantial majority of birth mothers (85.5%) and adoptees (81.1%) supported access by adult adoptees to identifying information about their birth parents. (CWLA, 1998)
• Avery's 1996 research on the attitudes of adoptive parents in New York regarding access to identifying information found that 84% of the adoptive mothers and 73% of the adoptive fathers agreed or strongly agreed that an adult adoptee should be able to obtain identifying information on his or her birth parents. (CWLA, 1998)

[longingtomeetyou]

interesting lol

[BrockBaby]

Sniffles....thanks for such eye opening statistics...and thanks for sharing ALL of them!!!!! I wouldn't be surprised if it was even higher...think of all the secret searchers!!!!

[lonni]

"Nothing in this world will change my mind. I do not believe there is any mythical, magical, superstitious, or wonderous about giving life to someone and I don't believe anything about a primal wound or a "void that must be filled".

So your biological son would be extremely happy and content with a Father other than you.
He would not need to search most likely according to your theory.
Interesting.

[sal]

You know central...I doubt ANY adoptee would disagree with you keeping your adopted son safe from his biological father at this time... so I think we are ALL in agreement on that. The thing that I don't understand is YOUR need to come to an adoptee forum in the first place since you are NOT seeming to understand or even respect what we are saying to you... Saying that you don't believe in the primal wound... for some of us that have FELT that wound is hurtful. Perhaps sharing that sentiment in the adoptive parent forum might be more appropriate...because I'm sure you'd get ALOT of support for that. Many adoptive parents that I have met..either in person or in the chat room have voiced that it's hard for them to hear that some of us adoptees HAD pain growing up... because pain is something as a parent that you wish you could ALWAYS prevent your child from having. Sadly some adoptive parents just don't "get it"... since they haven't been there... You know.. just because you don't believe something to be true.. doesn't mean that it isn't... I HOPE that your adopted son doesn't feel the primal wound.. because it's pretty painful at times... but the reality is that he might... then what will you say?

[sal]

I wanted to add that it's fine for you to have your own "comments and thoughts" central... but I think you've perhaps chosen that wrong forum to voice them. I for one am stung and hurt from you discounting feelings of loss, something missing, biological connections of adoptees... since I have had them ALL! Please don't tell me that you find my feelings bogus... again... that's respect.