[Sniffles]

heartbrokn,
I know how you feel. My agency wants to charge me $400 to do a search. I have even found my b-mom and they still will not release my b-dad's name to me. It costs $125 just to get my non-id. Now mind you this is a Methodist organization and both me and my parents have made donations to them. (we are Methodist) So this whole fee thing just blows my mind.

[lovemine77]

My heart goes out to everyone searching for their bparents. I am a BMom and can't wait to be in contact with my son. I hope you all have good experiences when you do find them. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of him, he is always in my heart, and I hope he doesn't feel like he has had a "fake" life, his aparents are as real as they get and his afamily (extended) are as real as they get. I hope he doesn't feel like he hasn't fit in. I am lucky because my dad and step mother get to see him, and they give me pictures when they can, my son's adad is my step mothers cousin so technically he is still in the family. My whole family will except him with open arms, everyone who knows me knows about him, I have a very supportive family and when he is ready he is a part of it. Anyways my heart goes out to all of you searching. Keep the fatih, but remember your parents will always be the ones who raised you, and the ones who loved you enough to give you a better life.....

[sparringlady]

I have just recently found my birthmom and also a half sister and believe it or not they live 40miles from my house. I am a mother of three and have had many of the same questions that you have. May I offer a few suggestions. First your life is not fake it is excatly the way that GOD designed it to be and you are living out his destiny for you. Second, at 18 or 19 I was in NO way ready to do the search or find out anything even though I would have told you that I was. Third my birthmom also made the comment that had I looked for her when I was that young she maynot have been willing to reunite with me being that young. I too have a great adoptive family amd my mom and dad are my mom and dad and meeting my adoptive mom made that even more clear to me in my mind and my heart. My birthmom and I are good friends, but she is NOT my mommy. Think clearly with your head and try not to let your emotions drive the search. Wait until you are really secure, happy and have a clear understanding that a reunion will change who you are or what your life has been. GOod luck with everything.

[heartbroknshorty]

see... the thing about my a parents its not that they were bad parents, they just werent always emotionally avaiable to me. They did provide me with everything i ever needed. My mom has an anger/ansiety issue. She yells about EVERYTHING! and when i say yells, its screaming. Its been like that since i was little. My dad, has fibromialga and if he is not at work, hes in bed. He also struck me in the face with a pair of steel toed boots last year and got arrested for it. Sometimes i wonder what is better .... money or unconditional love?

[lovemine77]

That is awful that you even have to ask that question, Unconditional love is worth way more then anything, have you ever heard the saying money can't buy love? It's true, and with out love you won't have happiness, don't worry one day you will feel that unconditional love some day and it will be the best thing you have ever experienced!!!
My prayers are with you....

[longingtomeetyou]

Originally Posted by heartbroknshorty

see... the thing about my a parents its not that they were bad parents, they just werent always emotionally avaiable to me. They did provide me with everything i ever needed. My mom has an anger/ansiety issue. She yells about EVERYTHING! and when i say yells, its screaming. Its been like that since i was little. My dad, has fibromialga and if he is not at work, hes in bed. He also struck me in the face with a pair of steel toed boots last year and got arrested for it. Sometimes i wonder what is better .... money or unconditional love?

im so sry hon that breaks my heart hearing that.....how can people adopt and treat their kids like that?????

[heartbroknshorty]

Hey... its me again =D
Well, yesterday was my 19th birthday, and i have to admit it was pretty hard for me. All i could think about was wondering if my bparents knew it was my birthday. Do they? i might not ever know. A year ago, on my 18th birthday, i filled out a form at the place i was adopted and all my bparents have to do is call them and they get all my info... its been a year... why havent they done it? Dont they wanna know me? I dont know...

[FoundIn99]

Have you posted at most adoption search sites?
Do you have accurate information about your birthdate, birthplace?

There are so many sites out there, and Im sure you've tried them all.

Are there any details that your parents might know about the situation of your adoption. Maybe the age of your mother etc. I know with the agency I went throught they told some information about me, which some of it wasnt true, but maybe enought to go on.

I helped an elderly lady find her children in Texas because she remembered being told a preacher and wife adopted her baby daughter, and just happened to remember the last name. I found an obituary and located the daughter. It was an amazing thing, only took 3 days. I think it was total 4 children reunited.

If your parents have any details, like hospital name, etc. Find out what you can, search engines can pull up some wild info.

IF your adoption was in the mid 80's, Im sure your bmother thinks of you , esp as you are getting older. They may wait to put information out until you are 21.

Best wishes for you in your search.
P.

[heartbroknshorty]

Thank you. I do know some information... My mom and my dad were never married but they had a 3 year old daughter when i was born. I quess they just broke up and my mom thought "her first priority was to her first daughter". Yes it actually says that and it hurt me for a long time. But yea, iv tried everything and i just dont have enough spare money to pay the search fee my agency wants me to. =(

[heartbroknshorty]

Hey all, its me again. I dont know what to do. I really really want to find my parents... but atm making 7.65 an hour 15 hours a week doesnt help much in raising $200 to do the search. I quess i could do it, it would take a couple of months... but what if they cant find my parents? there goes $200 dollars. I just wish you could be reimbursed the money if the search comes up with nothing. Any opinions? Should i save up the money... or not even bother =(

[erikamarie]

I would say take all the information you have, and try to do the search on your own first. If you know you siblings name, look them up. The internet is amazing with this stuff today. I found my brother on myspace. I had a first name and two possible last names, so I just went from there. If I was to go through the adoption agency, it would have been $400. I was a senior in high school and just had a minimum wage job, i couldnt afford it. Try looking through public records online. It does get frusterating sometimes when you come to a dead end but its worth it if you find them in the end.
~Erika

[ambr13a13y]

I am 20 years old and have thought about looking up my birth mother i didnt know it would be so hard. how do you go about looking your bmother up on the internet through public records. i dont know her name i just know i still live in the city which i was born in and i know what hospital i was delivered in and i know my mother was about 16 or 17 when she had me. i really would like to find her and i just filled out an information sheet at adoption archives but like you all said it is about $400 dollars and if i was living at home i would be able to afford it in a two week period but i dont live at home i live with my bf and his 7 year old daughter adn i have bills to pay rent to pay car insurance to pay plus help with all the grocery money. what can i do?? and do you think i should even look for my bmother i mean it could be painful maybe i get to meet her and she isnt that great of a person or maybe she never wants to meet me.. i dont know what i should do someone help please!!

[josh1788smom]

I don't know what information adoptees have as general information, but I think the judge that signs off has a good bit. I am a birthmom and have always known where my son is and his name. It was easy to find him on the internet. Before he turned 18, I was trying to gather information from the time of his adoption and thought I had lost a document. I went to the county of his adoption and asked for their records. They told me the judge keeps all that locked in his office. I went to his office and talked to his secretary. I explained that I was a birthmother that had contested an adoption that her judge had approved ( I always thought this judge was a *&^%), and I needed a copy of this document. Of course, I had already talked to my attorney who told me this adoption would not be legal today, so I felt like I had some rights. The secretary told me the judge would only release the file to the adoptee. I told her no prob. I would just find the original - which I did.

Perhaps if you have any information on who the judge is, any maybe you could ask your parents if they have this name, you could start with the judge. I know others that have gotten the files from the courthouse.

Good luck. Hope this provides an alternative that is more cost effective to you. I would like to go on record for saying I think it is crap these agencies charge for this kind of information. I think they are doing a dis-service to all involved. In my office, if someone calls asking for information from a file, personnel or job or whatever, I don't tell the caller, send me $400 and I'll get up off my chair and find it for you. These agencies, especially ones claiming religious affiliation, should be ashamed. I would like to see them all close down.

[ambr13a13y]

i am not sure how the whole process went i was adopted through an adoption agencie who told me to get in contact with the adoption archieves in jacksonville that they woudl have my file since it has been 20 some odd years since this happened. i guess i can ask my mom if there was a judge involved and if so what his or her name was. my amom is awesome she would help me in anything since the time i was little she has told me i was adoptied and that if i ever wanted to search for my birth mom she would help me and she would meet her with me if i ever needed anyone to go with me that she would like to thank my bmom in person for doing what she did and giving her a duaghter to love.