[Alicairene4]

I am so incedibly tired if hitting dead ends. Everytime I think that I might have something I hit a wall.AHHHHH! Tonight I thought that I had an address and Phone number ,but none of the info that I cross refrenced seemed to match up. I wish there was an "easy button" for this. I almost feel like I should just wait for her to find me. I could at least quit obsessing over this.
I guess the need to find out more is what is pushing me. I am physically tired of this ,but mentally addicted to the search. Could God be telling me to leave it alone. My life is wonderful without her ,but i wonder sometimes if it would be better with the information I get. I need advice-anyone listening.
Alica

[Montraviatommyg]

I would like to think God is telling you not to give up hope yet as you've posted here, maybe He is telling you something. It's good you've had a wonderful life and that is credit to your parents - I hope they are supporting you in your search as they will always be your parents (I tell my bson the same).

My bson searched for me for 5 years which included finding my family - long story why they didn't tell him where I was or tell me he had contact with them. I had been told I wouldn't be allowed to search for him and wouldn't have known how to anyway so it was a miracle that I found him. Last year my husband and I decided to trace our family trees and joined Genes Reunited so I was shocked to find my details had been entered on the site already. I took a chance and emailed him anyway and got a response quite quickly.

If my bson's experience of searching is typical it must be a difficult time for you but please don't give up yet - I have never regretted finding my son.

Montravia

[nugget]

I have spent 14 years searching on and off. That's sometimes the key. Taking a little time off. And I do know how tuff it is to take a break.
Finding these forums was a god send for me. While I am able to post my feelings it has also been helpful to read the feelings of others.
So, I have found that this whole thing is not just about the "find". It's also, for me, about the emotions for everyone.
In reality, I think that you know you will never totally give up. When you hit those walls, and there may be a ton of them, take a deep breath and carry on. Yes, I too wish there was an easy button.
Also keep in mind that sometimes birth parents leave the search up to the adoptee. This is not always the case but it is sometimes the case.
Best of luck to you and take care of you!!

[hprestonalexand]

Hello honey
I am in your same shoes. I have hit so stinking many dead ends. I get info, get excited and then nothing.
I have found the pastors who set up my adoption who I had been looking for, for three years, nothing. I found the attorney my a/parents used for my adoption, nothing. I found a woman, a roommate that lived with my birth mother a year after my adoption, nothing. I thought I had tracked her and found her SEVERAL times, nothing. 7 years now of dead ends.
What keeps me going, I honestly have no idea.
I do know that this forum helps though, I would have given up LONG AGO had I not found this forum and made such wonderful friends who lovingly fill me with motivation, encouragement and give me constant reminders of why I am doing this. I am searching for me.
If you need to take a break, then take a break, but if you want to quit, really really think about it first. There is a big difference between quiting and taking a break.
Take care of yourself first and foremost.
You have family and friends her on the forum.
I am here and I know how you feel.
Write, talk, pm. rest, smile.
Take care

[Alicairene4]

I know that I am not unique to the feeling of frustration in this search. It helps to hear from the prospective of others who are going through this same process. I am turning 30 this year and I have been searching for 8 years. I do know so much more than I did when I first started. My core frustration is in the fact that if she wanted to find me she could. I have made myself so reachable by placing my information on every registry possible. For pitys sake she was there at the birth, she has more info to type in than I do. What if I do all these years of research and she does not want anything to do with me. I would be crushed. I know that if that was the case it would be her loss. All I want to give to her is my gratitude. But still I do not know if emotionally I want to go through that rejection again. I felt it most in my teen years ,but now that I am older I understand more. I have children of my own now--I cannot imagine not at least wanting to know if they were alright or happy. maybe iam being really selfish. part of me wants to say "I have done my part now it is your turn cynthia!" Oh well, I guess I need to just take it one step at a time and not ry to look so far ahead. It is truly exhausting!
Thank you everyone for caring.~Alicairene4

[snuffie]

Hi
I can empathize with what you are feeling. I searched for many, many years. But it did happen! I have been reunited for a few years and realize now that everything happens when it is supposed to.
I am still looking for my bdad. I have very little to go on so the search is very frustrating and I have had to face the fact that I may never find the answers.
But I agree. Never give up. It is important to take breaks here and there. It can become an obsession at times, I know.
But that is exhausting. I find that if I take a rest for a while things crop up and send me in a new direction that I was just too tired to notice before.
I know I have felt too that it would be so easy for my bdad to type in info. and find me. But there are many reasons for him not doing so. Some people still do not know that they CAN search. Others don't know where to begin and some are not computer literate. (Yes, even now.) Some have buried their emotions so deeply and kidded themselves that they never need to think about it. And others are just plain afraid.
Best wishes to you in your search. Someday it will happen.
Hugs
Snuffie

[SassyCath75]

I'm in the same boat too. I've been searching for any birthfamily since 1996 (and gave up 1998) but just recently started searching again. It is a challenge not to get down. I'm so very happy for EVERYONE who has reunited with their families and I almost envy them just because I don't understand how they are found and I am not. I'm addicted to the mental search as well. Try not to obsess about searching everyday. You're gonna need a break here and there and sometimes events happen when you're not even looking.

-Cathy
(female adoptee ISO any birthfamily. 5/28/75 Bayshore, NY)

[l-thompson]

I certainly feel for you ~ it gets beyond frustration doesn't it!!

I searched from one side of the world to the other and my search from beginning to end was nearly 7 years. Many times I wondered if it was worth it....gosh, when I think of all the time I used to spend on the computer I feel quite exhausted!!

But, sometimes good things come to those that wait...I was one of them. I finally made contact in April 2003...and my contact resulted in a complete bio family My birthmom and birthdad went on to marry 5 years after relinguishing me ~ reunion bought me not only my birthmom, but birthdad, a full sister and two full brothers......not to mention the extended family!!

I know when I was in the throes of searching I would read others story saying hang in there, don't give up and I used to think yea, sure...it happened for you but it won't for me...and then look what happened!!

Its very easy to become discouraged, very easy to say thats it, I have had enough...but as so many of us know there is still this desire deep inside to keep on going until we get some answers and so we do keep on going...frustrations and all.

I will cross my fingers for you and send all the positive energy I can in the hope that one day you will find the answers.

Good Luck!!!

[Malos]

Alica,

I know exactly what you mean, though if you perserve you'll reach the end of the tunnel.

Ultimately as the world becomes more and more "wired" it will become easier to trace people.

Montravia is my b/mum btw, part of my problems with tracing her was by the time official records (electoral registers etc) had updated and were publicly viewable she would have moved.

[Montraviatommyg]

Originally Posted by Malos

Montravia is my b/mum btw, part of my problems with tracing her was by the time official records (electoral registers etc) had updated and were publicly viewable she would have moved.

Well it's not my fault my other half keeps on getting itchy feet, or as he put's it a 'wandering spirit' . We got there in the end .

Philippa