[mamagrid]

Hi -

My husband and I are almost finished being licensed as foster parents, with the goal of eventually adopting. We have a two-year old biological daughter who is currently babysat twice a week by my in-laws (I have two sets...they're divorced and each remarried). One set of inlaws has been more vocal/curious about potential issues and we've had some frank discussions. The other set, my mother-in-law and step-father-in-law, are the types who would never admit to any qualms, much less engage in an honest discussion. (She's a wonderful person, but very much an "Everything's great!" type who practices denial on every level of her life...)

So...we were hoping to get recommendations for any books/etc. that would help them understand:
1) the type of things we've learned through our training about how best to integrate foster children into our lives/the types of needs foster kids bring with them/how to approach their relationship with said foster child
2) how fostering will impact the entire family in the short term (for example, how it might impact their relationship with our biological daughter, etc)
3) issues with transracial fostering/adoption - we're white and may have kids who are not (my direct in-laws are definitely not racist, but I can also see some well-intentioned cluelessness!)

Any advice would be helpful!!!

[Wishingndreaming]

I feel so bad that no one has responded, but I know why they haven't. I don't really have a resource to tell you about. There is limited information about foster care in general, let alone something that would be friendly enough to pass on.
In terms of adoption, there is a book called "Adoption is a Family Affair" by Johnson, but it is directed to domestic private adoption and I didn't find it useful enough to give to my family.
For transracial adoption I like "A Source book for Multicultural Families: Dim Sum, Bagels, & Grits". I have read a library's worth of books on adoption and I have found little that I would pass on to anyone outside of the adoption triad. If your family is religious, you might want to try "Adopted for Life".
Truthfully, the best way to integrate the information and accurate use of PC terms is through children's books. You could provide adoption friendly books for your daughter and send them with her (along with other books) when she is being babysat. Then, as your family reads the books to her, they will be educated themselves. It may also help to create a foster/adoption/transracial friendly environment for your bio daughter.
I would love to hear advice from other people, as this is still something I am searching for, for my own family.

[LeighM]

I am going to be honest with you. Sometimes it is better that they not know. Just like it is better that you not share the child's history with family and friends. Sometimes it is better that all the junk (issue) be left at the door so that they children have a chance to have a relationship with the people that mean so much to you two. If they don't know they won't judge and they won't treat the child different than they would a bio grandchild. Just me thought. I learned on my journey the hard way.

[LauraRoxane]

I am looking for the same type of information.