[dd53]

I just finished reading this book and I think every adoptive parent should read it so they understand more about what they are facing. It is a very easy read but so informative!

[zebramom]

Read it's partner book, "Parenting the Hurt Child". It is an awesome book as well.

[chevyjewel]

I read both but thought they painted a very dim picture of children from the system. They're not all hurt to the extent most often described by the author and many can be helped with proper resources. These two books were borrowed to me by a fellow foster parent and they just made me so upset. Sure the scenarios may be realistic in a few cases but I felt like the author gave the impression that most if not all children coming thru the system were as hurt as was described. I felt these books would deter most people thinking about doing foster care from taking the next step.

[msdizzydolores]

Originally Posted by chevyjewel

I read both but thought they painted a very dim picture of children from the system. They're not all hurt to the extent most often described by the author and many can be helped with proper resources. These two books were borrowed to me by a fellow foster parent and they just made me so upset. Sure the scenarios may be realistic in a few cases but I felt like the author gave the impression that most if not all children coming thru the system were as hurt as was described. I felt these books would deter most people thinking about doing foster care from taking the next step.

Thank you for posting this. I will try and locate the books in a few days.

I am now wondering and starting to regret my decision of going through foster care because all of the children who have been sent my way have all sort of psychiatric, sexual, and emotional issues.

I just want to be a mother. I don't have the insurance I had at my last employer to have my adoption paid for. So going through the foster care sytem was my only option FOR NOW.

I am scared to adopt an older child now through the system. And I don't want to feel that way.

[Becki_in_IN]

The people that wrote this book work with kids that have Reactive Attachment Disorder. Sure all adoptive kids don't have this, but they are at-risk for it because of the grief, loss, and broken attachments. I think it should be required reading for everyone that wants to adopt. Jump over on the Special Needs forum to read more about these kids.

[LacyMom]

Originally Posted by zebramom

Read it's partner book, "Parenting the Hurt Child". It is an awesome book as well.

IA bout both books. and Agree w/Becki

[Boulderbabe]

I love both these books, but I'm with ChevyJewel: they are absolutely the worst case scenario. In seven years, I've only ever met one kid with behaviors as severe as the ones they describe.

[blueprints]

As a parent of two severely reactive attachment children, these books were the first step in getting help for my children. One of the authors is now our therapist and I don't know what we would do without their help! After 4 years of therapy one of my children has made real progress and is bonding. The other is still very reactive. I absolutely think that anyone considering adopting an older child needs to understand what they may be facing. A child with this disorder can devastate a family and there are things you can do to help with bonding immediately if you know what to look for and how to respond. I wish I would have known, it would have made a huge difference.

[upbeatmom]

Hi there-
Don't panic and second guess your decision. When you are waiting and hearing or reading about horror stories it is easy to get cold feet. I think caseworkers often bring their neediest cases to any new openings, and in some ways they should. But... remember to consider your needs as you decide whether to accept a specific placement. Not all children are severely damaged. They are all suffering loss and grief and disruption in their lives and that you must be prepared for. They are not all so severely challenged as depicted in many books and movies. Psychiatric and emotional disabilities are more common than we wish, but many states [such as mine..Maine] identify those children and seek a home with greater training levels. [In Maine they are therapeutic treatment level homes.]
Those homes must have special on-going training and often are very experienced parents who have background dealing with special needs kids. There is no shame in preferring to foster children with lower levels of need. Better to realize that and stick to it, than to take a child whose needs are severe and have to disrupt their lives again with a failed placement. Many, many children need homes.... you will find one that can fit yours! Foster parents are needed for all varieties of kids...Hang in there!
Upbeat Mom

[kretzklan]

When you read these books pre-adoption it should simply be to get an idea of a great way to parent from day 1. For the 'just in case'...it can NEVER hurt to attachment parent...but it can hurt if you don't. I didn't - even though I'd read all the books - and my children's honeymoon ended and our real struggles with attachment began. I wish I had followed the books outlines and even gotten an attachment therapist lined up to simply have a plan. Now, 3.5 years in - I'm really just stepping into the piles I created at the beginning by trying to pretend that a child from a system (be it foster care or international) would be 'normal' by our standards. All children from care will be hurt and neglected in some way...that is why they are in care. Each break they have in caregivers adds one more layer to this pain and one more lost connection in their brains. Yes, there are a million success stories and I believe that we will be one...but I think anyone adopting a child (really, no matter what age) should go into this with eyes wide open...
I'm just reading Dandelion on my Pillow, butcher knife beneath and although my kids are not that far in the RAD spectrum - they do exhibit nearly all the 'smaller' behaviors. This book is so refreshing to me. After reading this thread, I plan on re-reading the hurt child books...they'll probably be much different now that I know I'm dealing with AD!