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Old 02-25-2012, 07:58 PM
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mancubmom mancubmom is offline
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Where's the thread on raising a girl???

I have 4 sons and we recently adopted a little girl. Sometimes I have no idea what to do with her. Whinning, what is that, and how do I stop her from doing it? Clothes, why are little girl clothes so sexualized, and how strict should I be with her clothes? Why does she insist on being right by me all the time? Is that attachment or is that just a little girl learning from her mom how to be a woman? What about crushes? She's in 1st grade and already talking about likeing boys, but so are the other girls in her class. Is that normal? She likes to dance and do cheers like the cheerleaders at school. When did dancing become so sexualized? Or am I just being hypersensitive because this is so new to me? What about things like deoderant and perfume, and jewelery? When are these things appropriate? Why does she say things to me like "your wearing those shoes??" and I get immediately defensive? Ugh... help!
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Old 02-25-2012, 09:47 PM
luvbeingamom luvbeingamom is offline
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I can relate. This is my second family. I have already raised 3 sons. My two daughters are babies still-don't have any advice, sorry! But I know where you are coming from! Hair alone is making me crazy. The whining is driving me nuts. The other thing that's taking me aback is their honesty with their emotions. I had to go out of town for a night. When I picked up my 2 year old, she looked right at me and said, "mommy, I'm MAD at you!'. lol My boys would have broken something or thrown a couple of tantrums. So different!
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Old 02-26-2012, 10:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mancubmom
...Whinning, what is that, and how do I stop her from doing it? ...

My opinion on whining is that it indicates she feels powerless and lacks confidence. Maybe when she is not frustrated by something (i.e., not whining at that moment) you could teach her about a tensed up whiny tone of voice and have her practice (in a fun way) using an assertive confident voice versus a whiny voice (and also versus a rude demanding voice).

If she is doing inappropriately sexualized dancing I would suspect it was encouraged in her prior home. My daughter came doing that, and she made friends at school with girls who did that. I don't think I handled it very well, I just ignored it. She did a suggestive dance for one of my coworkers. Luckily he is a dad of girls and was adopted from fostercare himself, so he did not overreact, but he told me pretty strongly that she should only listen to Disney radio type songs at her age, so it became our rule in our house (and car) "only Disney station".

As far as clothes, I have tried to emphasize modesty and sent her to summer camp that required modest clothes. Not sure it has been very effective, but at least she is not less modest than the other kids (which is not saying much at all).

Deodorant should be saved until she needs it, like at puberty or whenever she starts getting stinky pits. Makeup was the hard thing for us, my daughter wanted to wear makeup long before I was okay with it, so she would sneak it on in the school bus using her friends, probably in late elementary school.

I feel for you regarding the undesired feedback on your shoes. Now that she is a teenager, my daughter has mostly given up trying to get me to dress, wear makeup, or do my hair the way she thinks I should.
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