[Luanna]

Death of two moms

My birth mom passed away a day after I returned to Tokyo from my adoptive mom's funeral in Montreal a week ago. Due to exhaustion, a fever and other commitments, I was not able to attend my birth mom's funeral and this has been very difficult. Why have I been put in this situation where I feel like my heart is practically being ripped out.

The last words my biological mom had for me before I left my home in Tokyo to attend the funeral of my adoptive mom in Montreal on February 17 were, 'honey I guess it is my turn now to take over where your mom left off and I thank her for giving you what I could not give. She did her best and she did a great job. You are a wonderful woman who I truly admire and love. You are my mentor.'

At a few days old after nursing me with her own milk, as she was packing everything to leave the hospital with me, Social Services in Montreal took me away from my mom telling her that she was not fit to be a mother. Until that day she had plans on keeping me, bought a cot, clothes and other things an infant needs. Her heart was full of love for me and her head full of dreams. I have always felt her love for me and these feelings will last forever.

I met my mom again almost eight years ago when I was in the process of adopting my first child. Our reunion was at first a very joyful and positive one filled with lots of excitement and love. After a while I went through a period of great anger at how I felt irresponsible she was and the feelings this brought up. She always had dreams of getting me back from social services and was not willing to sign papers to release me for adoption. Finally when I was four years old the courts took over and placed me in a permanent home.

For the past four years my children and I have been in contact with my mom almost daily on the phone and have shared a very strong, loving, caring, for the most part balanced relationship. I was finally able to let her into my heart and she me into her heart. I was also able to accept her as she was and forgive her.

The love and acceptance she had for me and the life I have made was unconditional. The love and acceptance she had for my children was also unconditional.

We talked about how she would be turning sixty this June and I forty this September and how we must do something special. I had thought of organizing a surprise party for her this summer.

Just a day after the funeral of my adoptive mom on February 21, I received a call from my birth brother telling me that my birth mom was in critical condition in a hospital in Ontario due to pneumonia, a blood infection, heart and liver failure.

The next day I was again in her soft loving arms. Her first words when she saw me were, 'honey I know you would come.' I lovingly held her and she me as I thanked her for giving me the gift of life and unconditional love and acceptance. I told her how much I love her and how I forgive her and I thanked her for doing all she could and accepting me for who I am. She told me how she loved me from the start and that she did all she could and was very sorry she could not do more. She told me I was a beautiful person inside and out. Our tears mixed in a river of extreme love, pain, lost dreams, honesty and acceptance.

Last Thursday I received a call from my birth brother informing me that at about 9 pm her heart gave out and she passed away.

My adoptive mom was very ill for several years so her death was extremely sad and a huge loss for all of us, yet we knew it was coming. My birth mom's death was sudden and a huge shock.

I was very fortunate to have both moms in my life. Both in different ways gave me exactly what I needed and I am grateful and thankful to both my Adoptive mom and Birth mom.

I received double the love, yet the pain now is also double.

Luanna

[moogie272002]

What a sad, wonderful, heartwarming story. I am so glad for you that you had the opportunity to experience the love of both of your mothers. Stay Strong!

Moogie