[dynamic2003]

MY SON NEEDS HELP...I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO..............

I have recently tried to put him in counseling, but he only went once. [the full post is located under "quitters never win" in the "what are you thankful for" section: I think]...I apologize for the mishap, I wasn't thinking clearly when I posted it.....PLEASE look at it, esp. Dr. Art.....I don't know what to do about his issues anymore...tried everything, but nothing is working successfully!

He is currently "missing".......

[A_mothers_love]

What kind of disorder does your son have, did he run away? I am sorry to hear that if he did. Speak to me off line if you feel that you cant otherwise. mmacdougall@dccnet.com
Hugs
Melissa

[dynamic2003]

Thanks Melissa....My son is missing....I don't know if he ran away, or what happened. He's been gone a whole week, this is the second time. He has never been "diagnosed" but I KNEW something was very wrong from the beginning. He's 17 now, and still speaks with the vocals of a 10 yr. [I posted the description of behavior under being "thankful", I think, I was half asleep...haven't had much of that lately]

Anyway, I am worried half out of my mind!!! He hasn't called, or had anyone call. I don't even know if he's alright. I knew this was coming, just didn't know when. I don't know what to classify his disorder under, that's why I asked Dr. Art...My son won't go to counseling (went once), won't go to school, won't stop the bad behaviors, and he's already in trouble with the law. I keep trying to help him, and he just doesn't want it. Don't know what to do now....any advice?????

[Dr. Art]

I am so sorry that you have such a difficult situation on your hands. It really underscores, again!!!, the importance of getting a good evaluation and treatment from a mental health professional who has LOTS of experience and training working with adopted and foster children and trauma-attachment disorders.

At this point, 17, depending on your state you might consider a PINS petition and then looking at a good RTC or Diagnostic Unit so that he can be contained and you can then get a professional to evaluate him and make treatment recommendations. You can find appropriate professionals in your region at the www.attach.org website who can come in and do an evaluation at the diagnostic unit or RTC.

If your state does not allow for a PINS petition at 17, then the next step would be to file a missing persons report. However, that won't get your son treatment. If your son won't get treatment and he is destructive, you may have to consider letting the consequences of his actions take him into treatment or the legal system.

[dynamic2003]

I have file the missing person's report with the authorities. We live in California. I have tried to get him treatment through school and other means, he either refuses to go, or the system says "he's too old, and need to do things on his own...he is considered in terms as an adult already". This is the "second" time I had to make this report. They told me it will always be on his "record". I am so scared he is going to get himself into "serious" trouble, do something "stupid", aor just plain "mess up the rest of his life with drugs, gangs, or something to that effect". The hardest thing for me as a loving mother to him, is "letting him go...to do whatever he is going to do". I keep trying to "stop" him, but he doesn't want to be "stopped". So I am left here waiting, anticipating, wondering where he is, if he is safe, has he eaten, is anyone after him, etc., etc.

I want you all to know that I posted this personal and sensative situation with hopes that "when two or more have come together in God's name, he is there".........God bless you all always!!

[ladyjubilee]

Dr Art,

Could you explain a bit more what "PINS" is, and what its results are?

[Dr. Art]

Different states have different terms. In NY PINS stands for Person in Need of Supervision. When I was in Maryland many years ago the term was CINS (pronounced sins, applicable since children were charged with "crimes" that were not crimes for adults such as running away and being disobedient), which stood for Child in need of Supervision.

This involves filing a petition with the court and having the child adjudicated PINS or CINS, or whatever is the designation in your state. Then various things can happen...preventative services can be provided, a probation officer appointed, counseling ordered, RTC, detention, etc...depending on the circumstances and such.

I hope this clears things up for you Lady,

Regards,

[dynamic2003]

i feel that your experience is of great assistance to myself as well as many others. I will use your advice to try to continue to help my son, and I thank GOD you are here to watch over us, esp. in our deepest times of need!

What a wonderful person you are...I don't know what I would have done without you!!

I am hopeful now, that there are more options and avenues of assistance to be explored...and that I must truly Thank You for, from my heart to yours, always!!!

[Dr. Art]

Dear Dynamic,

I am glad you are getting help from this and other boards. I know you will continue to find other kindred spirits and lots of good advice here. I am glad I could be of some solice to you and your family.

My best wishes,

[perumom137]

Bless you dynamic, I sure hope you have found your son...I can surely relate - I have a 12 yr old son walking a very dangerous road and I fear the same for him. You and your family are in my prayers.

[DKENDRICK]

i too was a troubled teenager even though i came from a great upbringing. i would have sever outbursts and start acting really odd. this started in early adolecense and has lasted till now when i'm 28. I finally got to the root of my problems back a couple of years ago when i went to drug rehab. that was when my self mutilation escalated. my one main problem was the way that i viewed my adoption.