[joskimo]

Hi, we've been matched with a little boy with post-traumatic stress disorder. I"m just now starting to research this - but I have talked to his clinician and it sounds like his behaivors are doing great - has been in therepeutic foster care for 2 years. So while he still will get frustrated, physical agression is gone. He has an IEP (2nd grade) with a shadow a few days a week, but has gone from 5 days to 2 days.

I know every kid is different, but any advice from those who have been there?

[mommytoEli]

know the triggers! communicate them with anyone who will watch him, school, etc. i think our biggest thing in school has been knowing what our child is doing in school- studying, reading about, watching on tv. there have been PLENTY of assignments, lessons, readings, and watchings we've had to opt her out of for EVERYONE's benefit. the schools have been mostly accomodating, allowing her to work in the library if something in class is pretty questionable. we also put in her 504 plan that we got to have input in helping choose her teacher. this was important for us bc she was particularly set off by a particular gender, color, and type of teacher. it always felt weird to talk about and change teachers bc of this, but it was something that helped her in class.

at home, it has been important for us to get her to talk about what is causing her to freak so that we can discover more triggers. this has been VERY difficult for her. she tends to turn green and shut down- more than once she has nearly passed out. bc the past is that traumatic. but the more we encourage her to talk, the better it gets over time.

the thing that really throws me for a loop is we will go quite some time without any ptsd type behaviors, and then BAM there it is....and she spirals out of control until she shuts down, and eventually falls asleep. it is crazy to watch.

i know every kid is different....just be vigilant. even when you think the bulk of the problems have passed, never stop watching!

good luck.

[joskimo]

thank you, I will ask his foster parents and clinician aobut triggers that they have identified, hopefully will help us in the learning curve. I'm excited, scared, but excited.

[txwannabemom]

my daughter has ptsd.
She was also in the 2nd grade with an IEP.
No one knew what her trigers were but they have something to do with cars, cops and caseworkers. (I mean I can make an educated guess, but I don't really know what happened.)

Prep your self with "scripts" to teach your child.

For example: R has gone from screaming "STOP AT THE RED LIGHT" to tensely saying "MAMA knows how to drive, I don't have to tell you what to do!" Slow improvement, but it has only been three weeks.

We do alot of re-assurance. Esp. when caseworkers visit or people with the same name of the woman who returned her to foster care after saying forever for 24 hours. "no this is not the wanna be mom." "no I will not let the caseworker take you away EVER!"

It does take alot of diligence, and awareness. And prepping the other people around you: like grandparents: for the re-actions. Esp. while they are driving.

[millie58]

mommytoeli: does your kid talk about triggers?? I have 4 and the only trigger I had for the 2 youngest was the visit of the caseworker. They would hide!! My oldest went hungry and hoarded food but I didn't see any triggers. he stopped when he felt safe knowing there would be food in the house (this took him 3 years).

[mommytoEli]

millie- she won't say "i don't like when i hear a story in class about a kid that isn't treated right, it makes me feel anxious. help me." BUT what will happen is she will freak out at home, and act differently. and we know something happened. she will then replay the day for us, leaving out the important information- like she'll say there were presentations in language arts, but won't say about what. then we have to ask, "oh, what were the presentations about?" "kids" "kids who what?" "well....this one where a kid was abused by his mom." well...that would be the book "a child called it." presented in my daughter's 8th grade class. we were able to ask more questions, and she was able to answer them....but she had to sit down bc she turns green and starts to pass out when we have these convo's. so...through conversing about what happened, we find new triggers. sometimes they are obvious- like news stories, movies, or books about abused kids, and sometimes they are almost missed- like top ramen. top ramen reminds her of when she was neglected and didn't get to eat very much as a young child. i really try not to go down that aisle at the store, i know it is a trigger for her. again, she will talk about it, but it will be more like, " (her laughing to her brother) remember when all we had to eat was top ramen, wasn't that funny? (more laughing)." well....obviously she doesn't think it is funny, and the reaction is not appropriate. but it brings back her anxiety of not being cared for.

if you would have asked me what her triggers were when she was younger and we hadn't had her very long, i could have listed a handful, now i can list a boatload. sometimes, she does them to herself- like goes and checks out the child called it and reads it after it is presented in class. and sometimes she overcomes her triggers- like she used to have one about the bathroom. through lots and lots and lots of help from us and other people, i believe the bathroom is no longer a trigger for her, but plenty others still remain. over 6 years later, we still find new ones. i say it is important for us to continue to talk through things with her to find news ones bc the more we know about her history the more we can avoid or help with the things that really bother her. the more we know about what bothers her and can help HER see what bothers her, the more i hope she'll be able to avoid her own triggers on her own as an adult.

food hoarding is so common. dd did this too, and then she kept the wrappers- like trophies. i think partly bc to see those empty bags made her feel in control- control over me bc she tricked me, control over herself- bc she could take care of herself, control over her food- she could make sure she always had something to eat.

[millie58]

Is that why I find wrappers??? Although P, my 14 yo hasn't hoarded in awhile... and if I see something missing, I can say "throw out the can/jar" and he won't get defensive.

[mommytoEli]

Originally Posted by millie58

Is that why I find wrappers???

maybe. my dd folded them neatly and stored them in her jewlery box....literally like treasures. but i know all kids are different and have different ways of storing "important" things.

[txwannabemom]

My daughter doesn't hoard (at least not that I have found) but she does check the fridge every morning to make sure we have enough food, and keeps of "list" (she scribbles) of things that she wants us to get at the grocery store. She also is VERY excited that she can get what she wants out of the fridge. "I can dig in the fridge?!?!?!" In therapy: she drew a piture of herself as a baby in the crib surrounded by food that "real mama" (me ) gave her.

[MenloAve]

Our daughter is 3.5 with ptsd. The hardest thing is that she can't communicate the triggers and we have to guess. Blankets over the head for her send her over the top. We don't know why and probably never will. However, even at that young age we have been able to tell her the rule is that blankets don't go on your mouth. It is amazing, but this is a rule she goes by so I think she knows it makes her feel unsafe to put it on her mouth.

Bumping into something, falling down or any other "hurt" no matter how small can set her off as well. Today at gymnastics she fell backwards off something instead of forwards and she started just crawling underneath a wedge trampoline--just trying to dissapear. I had to get in the room fast to get her out before the teacher tried it.

I know there are more but they are hard to figure out exactly what triggered the issue.

When she is more in a "panic attack" "trigger moment", etc she can be pretty violent because she is (at least we have been told) reliving the event to some degree. She isn't really in the present, she doesn't know who you are, and in her mind you could very well be someone that will hurt her. So when you are the nonsuspecting gymnastics teacher, preschool teacher, mother at the playground and she gets hurt the immediate reaction to hug her - sends her even further into the "trigger moment". Over the past few months we have finally established some word ques that help us talk her out of them. They start with asking her questions about who she is, who her doll is, where her nose is, etc. Once she answers one of them - you are in and you ask again who she is - then who you are - then is she safe. Once she says yes to safe she is okay to hug.

The hardest issue I face is what and when to tell someone something. For instance I tried to talk to the gymnastics teachers before the class, but didn't go down the path of ptsd. I'm sure after today they think I'm an over protective mom that couldn't handle seeing her kid hurt. But the consequences of the teacher getting on her hands and knees and trying to comfort her and pull her out from under the wedge trampoline would have probably gotten our daughter thrown out. There isn't enough time to explain to people and I don't really want to all of the time. AND most people think I'm crazy when I say don't hug her right away if she gets hurt.

She also has some control issues - doesn't seem to be about food, but doors. She must open and close them. This doesn't feel like a trigger reaction - just a control issue.

Good luck with this, I hope this info helps- we have been working through the issues and her trigger attacks do appear to be down. We are also seeing a therapist but they feel she needs more ability to communicate right now. He does have us trying a new therapy during an attack to see how it goes. We lightly squeeze one hand- let go - and then squeeze the other hand - let go - and repeat over and over. This is supposed to help the brain start firing connections between the different sides of the brain and "bring them back to the present". They've been testing something like this with the war vets. Since it is pretty easy to do we have been attempting this. I don't know if it works - but it makes me feel useful until she'll answer my first question.

[Drywall]

After reading the stories from so many of you moms, I often wished you had been my mom.

Im an adult adoptee. As a child there were long periods of abuse, so I understand feelings regarding "triggers" and fear. I'll share those as a means to try to help.

First, any relationship with a new family causes fear.

As an adoptee, you don't know them and you don't know how much is known about your previous life...your hope is that they don't know much. Somehow there is an attachment of shame over what has happened in the past.

Additionally, the most overwhelming hope is that those "bad" secrets you have, will remain buried and no one will know. There is great fear as to what the reaction will be if they came out....particularly if those adults are in an authoritarian position, like a mom or dad. You don't hold yourself blameless for what happened...somehow you are always the cause.

Because of past adult experiences, there is a lack of trust...what the new parents feelings are about you as a child, is unknown to you, and could involve anything from blame to additional abuse. All you have is what your experience from past adults has been. You try very hard to adopt a wait and see attitude...even though the climate and atmosphere in a new family is different from what you know.

The "triggers" are an unexpected event...always a surprise. There is a link in the events of the day that causes a reminder of something that happened in the past. Young children will have those links but they wont be able to share what caused the "trigger."

A serious "trigger" for me was the observance of watching a very nurturing, caring mom and dad and their child.

Because the events related to those "triggers" are fairly recent in terms of a timeframe, the details will be sharp and vivid.

In some cases they will be overwhelming...it is almost as though you were viewing a movie that you have seen 100 times...you know the whole story and remember the terrifying fear associated with it. As a result there may be some form of meltdown.

As you grow older there is not the acting out from "meltdown." The changes to grief and loss become more apparent.

It is difficult to know all the circumstances leading up to "triggering" but they are very real.

This is not an attempt to explain child behavior in all children. It is only a sharing of personal experiences that may be of some help in terms of what your children may be feeling...

My only suggestion to help your child is to provide a level of trust in terms of their past events.

Create an atmosphere and bond as a mom that allows them to have the freedom to tell you anything and know you will be non-judgmental. Their understanding has to be that you will continue to provide love and support no matter what the sharing of those hidden secrets uncovers. The message they need to believe is that love is unconditional.

Once they learn that there are no punishment consequences from sharing their thots, they will begin to share all of the daily events of their lives.

I wish you the best.

[joskimo]

wow, thank you other moms and thank you Drywall. My youngest daughter has sensory integratins issues and ADHD so I've had to re-learn how to parent.....looks like I'm not done learning yet! This is great information. I was fortunate enough to sit in my soon-to-be son's treatment team meeting this week and they did list triggers. Based on what you all are saying, I'm going to take this list with a grain of salt and understand that it's likely incomplete.

[mommytoEli]

Originally Posted by joskimo

Based on what you all are saying, I'm going to take this list with a grain of salt and understand that it's likely incomplete.

i think that's smart. good luck!

[MenloAve]

I just wanted to thank you for posting this information. Reading information in a book as to what our daughter may be going through seems at times a bit two dimensional - maybe lacking in emotion. Strange when all of this is totally about emotions/feelings. Your personal post puts the emotions back into it and helps me to better envision what she must be going through.

[lifeinashoe]

My almost 5 year old daughter has PTSD. It is hard, very hard. She has a wonderful trauma and attachment therapist and after a year of hard work we have made progress.

My advice would be to totally believe everything the foster parents tell you and not think that he will be different with you, because he is in a permanent home. It will be the hardest thing you have ever done, but if you are up to it, it will also be the most rewarding thing you have ever done. Where else is a better place to put our energy??