[RondaFR]

Hi, my husband and I are looking at an 8-year-old girl from out of state for possible adoption. So far we are in the very beginning stage. Her caseworke has not even received our homestudy yet (that's another story, it's been 3 weeks). But we have talked to the caseworker on the phone a few times and we seem to be the only ones that have heard details about the little girl and not been scared away.

She has temper tantrums. Severe temper tantrums. She doesn't hurt anyone when she is having them, except herself. She pulls her hair and will beat her head against the wall. They apparently can go on for an hour or more. She does go to regular school and doesn't have tantrums there, so apparently she is capable of controlling it at least a bit.

Her caseworker said she does great in the homes at first. The first tantrum doesn't come for about a month or more, then they increase in frequency and can occur every day. She said they are worse when the child feels like she is not getting enough attention.

Her caseworker also said that the child tries really hard to be good, to the point where she keeps everything in and tries not to cry and tries not to get mad. Then she can't take it any more and just explodes. After a few of these her foster families turn her back over to the state. Then it gets worse the next time.

I know very little of her background so far. I know she was taken from her parents (who later signed away their rights) for extreme physical and emotional neglect. I know that her stepfather was abusive to her, and her mother did not step in. I also know that they just started her on Zoloft, and that she is in counseling.

Does anyone have experience dealing with tantrums? I am just trying to envision how bad it could be. I don't think we would be the magic family to make all of her problems go away, but I really think if we could make her understand no matter what she did we would keep on loving her and keep her, it would help.

Any thoughts or experiences on this?

[Mkuhlmann06]

You may want to post this under the specials needs forum, as you'll probably get more traffic and feedback.

Im sorry I don't have any advice to offer you first hand....good luck in your pursuit.

[Lorraine123]

I would not call these "tantrums". I would call them "rages". The two are very different. A tantrum is usually because the child wants something and doesn't get it. A rage is out of pure fear. The child believes that something is threatening their life. A rage is pure primal.

[RondaFR]

It may be rage, I was just using the word her caseworker did. And she also said it was usually directed at the mother in the home, being mad at the mom, so it was important for the dad to be the disciplinarian.

[RondaFR]

And I thought this was the special needs forum? LOL Am I lost?

[MenloAve]

This sounds like it could be related to RAD.

As far as how bad can a temper tantrum be..... We have a 3.5 year old that we just adopted and they scared us. We were told on these boards that they could very well be rages and see an attachment therapist. We did do that and he felt that they were just temper tantrums. We are continuing to see the therapist just in case and are working on some behavior modication exercises he is having us do. They seem to be working and the tantrums are on the decline in intensity and amount.

But, man oh man. Both my husband and I were bruised, scratched, bitten, etc. She also hits herself in the face and scrapes her chin on the floor. For two months we would count our wounds as a sort of joke. We adopted out of a orphanage and called the director to come one day after a bad episode. She told us this was normal, all kids do it......

I can't imagine how scary something like this could be with an 8 year old, especially if only directed at the mother. Read some of the postings on the attachment boards, and do some research on RAD. Make sure you are ready for the behavior because from what I understand you typically don't see it for a few months (similar to the info from the case worker).

Good luck with your decision.

[flowerfloosey]

I would not finalize this adoption until you fully know this childs complete history and have a therapist evaluation, and know what you are up against in the future. I have a friend in an awful situation..trying to set aside the adoption of a RAD child. Just make sure you KNOW what you are up against so that you can make an intellegent decision knowing all before.
Good Luck