[birthmomof3]

Ok well here it is my son who was with me almost 4 years I placed for open adoption with my brother and sister in law they have no other kids because they are unable to get pregnant... well anyhow he has been gone 3 years and about 1 year ago I seen him and my brother and sis in law they came from out of state... Well my son about 5 1/2 at the time said to me to touch his weiner which is very in apropriate to me so I told him dont say that well he kept trying but I said no thats not good all all and he stoped after about 3 times!!!! Well they were leaving right after that to go back to their home in another state... So I ddi not know what to do I stressed and stressed and finally that night I told my mother what happened so I told her I wanted to talk to my theripist before I told my brother which is what I did and my theripist said she had to report it incase there was abuse going on and she told me to tell my brother so they would not be shocked so I did well he was very mad and so was my sis in law they said they work with kids and they may have my son taken from them while investigation was taken place because that is how there state does it and then they said because of this they may not get to adopt again!!!! Well I told my brother as I had before he went to live with them that he was touched by a 9 year old boy and to just ask him now and then if he has touched andone or if anyone has touched him!!! Thats how I found out he had been touched I guess mothers instinck!!! Which sucks cause he is not mine anymore to care for and protect!!! Well to say the least it is almost a year later they still have him and they never sent him to theripy or anything but I dont get to talk to my son because My brother wants me to apoligize to my sis in law for all the trouble but I dont feel I should Because I am not sorry for watching out for my son who is a innocent little boy!!! What should I do and did I do the right thing?????

[EZ2Luv]

Wow, they should at least take the child to therapy so he can deal with it. Most kids need to know that it is not their fault.
What I am not understanding is where you said he had been touched by a 9 year old before. Was that when he was with you before he was placed with your brother and SIL? If that was the case why would SIL be angry with you for saying something? She should be grateful that you took notice and it wasn't some predator that took advantage of your son. Also, if it happened before he was placed with them, wouldn't that be enough to explain his behavior to the investigators, I mean it DID happen so that is part of his past, it isn't like anyone is hiding anything, at least they are aware of it and should be helping him. If anything failure to help your son would be something to prevent them from adopting again I would think if it ever came up in a homestudy.
I mean I woudn't want to place a child with parents that already had a child with SA in his past and refused to help him. KWIM?

EZ

[Jackiejdajda]

Or the boy may have been exploring his sexuality.. and was confused with his relationship with you..

I remember an incident when I was raising my kids and my girlfriends son.. same age.. showed himself to all of us.. while sitting and having lunch..

He was just a daring fellow..

I would let it go is my suggestion..


Jackie

[MamaS]

I would apologize whether I was "right" or not -- just so I could have contact with my son. If something else happens he might need you to intercede for him, but you can't help him if you aren't allowed any contact.

[birthmomof3]

Thanks for your input... This insident of him being touched by the 9 year old was when he was with me he was 3 then and he didnt talk much yet!!! So then when he said this to me was when he was 5 and a half and he was with my brother and SIL!!! after they had him 2 years... So I guess I just got scared that what if they did something or a babysitter or someone did something!!! But then I though maybe he just had flash backs or it could be he knew he could trust he!!! He would tell me that they (my brother and SIL) wouldn't let me see him and he said that they took him from me and all that just worried me!!! I believe therepy is what he needs now that hes getting older thats the only thing that has helped me from my tramatic childhood!!! But It is there choice now I guess!!!! And I will take the advice which is what I did with my brother but now need to do with my SIL!!! Is to just kiss butt and appoligize for my little boys sake!!!! Thanks you all!!!

[Jackiejdajda]

We cant do anything with the past.. it is done.. all we can do is right now..

I agree with what you are writing... get calm and get back into their good graces so you can watch and know if something real bad is happening.. It must have been very shocking to have what happened happen.. Scary for you..
Have you gone for therapy on this? Do you have someone to talk this out with?

Jackie

[birthmomof3]

yeah actually my theripist was the one who reported this to their state!!!! but I am not seeing a theipist right now cause I moved a few hours from her!!! She was the best thing that could have happened to me!!! But For all you I have great NEWS I talked to my SON today!!! He is so sweet he talked and talked he calls me mommy Christy since I had him for 4 years and all!!! He told me maybe you can come see me for my birthday!!! Oh how I wish but I jsut cant but I just redirected him back to other things like school and so on and so forth he is so smart a 1st grader at a 3rd grade level!!!!

[EZ2Luv]

I am so happy to hear that you got to talk to your boy. May this be a great begining for you both.

EZ

[Jackiejdajda]

Mommy Christy.. that is wonderful news!



Jackie