[Mom2threebabes]

Our adopted daughter, whom we've had since she was 2 days old, has just turned 4. She was exposed to all kinds of drugs (meth the main one) and to alcohol. We've gone through all kinds of evaluations, physical therapy, speech therapy, early interventions, and anything else you can think of. She was put on medication at age 2-1/2. We love our daughter so much, but life with her is very frustrating. Any time she is told no or is not able to have her way, she behaves horribly. Discipline doesn't change the behavior and it is wearing us out. She is so easily upset and seems to be "touchy" all the time. And there are times when she is very aggressive and plain mean! Then there are times when she is a sweet angel and wants to cuddle and love. We have tried tweaking her medication and I log her responses. And I find that nothing is the same all the time. On one day, she'll resond favorably to the medication and at the next dose, she'll go into a horrible aggressive rage. It's like she's just all over the place. It keeps us on pins and needles and is so hard on our other two children. We set boundaries and rules and even though she has these issues, she still has to follow the rules and boundaries we've set. One of the hardest things is that we LOVE to travel and we LOVE to give our children wonderful travel experiences. But EVERY time we take our little girl somewhere, we always regret it because she's so difficult that everyone stays in a stressed state of mind. We have plans to go to Disney next year and stay a few nights at the Bahamas. I am so fearful of how she'll behave but I really want her to experience these wonderful places. It breaks my heart to leave her behind. Just this past weekend, we took the kids to St. Louis, Missouri to the Zoo and Science Center. She actually did ok at those places but the car rides were horrible because she is so impatient. She slept part of the way and cried, fussed, screamed, hit, irritated everyone else, the other 1/2 of the way. I'm just at my witts end. What else can I do?

[scandi]

Unfortunately, with alcohol exposure there is no easy way for anything. Do you know the extent of the alcohol use? Alcohol use affects the brain development and can damage parts of the brain permanently. Kids with alcohol exposure do not learn or retain things the way the other kids do including drug exposed. It is something that has to be repeated over and over and over and they still might not retain it. Medication may or may not work as you are finding out. Unfortunately, you may have to come to the conclusion that she may need to not attend certain activities or the family may not be able to attend esp. if car travel is an issue. With alcohol exposure many times what you see is what you get. It might be helpful if you haven't already done it is get a neurological eval or a Fetal Alcohol evaluation to see where your daughter is at developmentally.

My boys can be horrible in the car and make it very unsafe esp. when they are really tired. Right now there are some long trips including family events as we live 1 1/2 hours away that we do not attend.