[tiredmom77]

I have been desparetly searching the internet for some answers and help and I am praying this is the place. I will try to keep this short-

This issue is with my daughter, Nicole. She is 28 months old. We adopted her at birth, she had some prenatal drug exposure(pot and amphetimines, possibly alcohol). She tested clean at birth(as did birthmom).

We noticed that she was a very different personality right away from our son(also adopted at birth). He was (and is) a VERY easy child. We noticed right away that Nicole did not like to be held closely or really snuggled. For the first 6 weeks, she would only sleep in a bouncy vibrating chair with my hand on her chest. I tried rocking her to sleep, and we called her the pop up baby because she would not lay her head down, no matter what time it was. She liked to be facing out at all times. She cried alot and spit up alot(for a year), but was not treated for reflux because the ped said that since she was gaining weight, she did not have reflux. We noticed at about 8 weeks that she started banging her head on the mattress when going to sleep. When she could sit up, she would bang her head backwards on the crib to go to sleep. We tried everything to get her to stop, but hte ped said not to worry about it. She does not bang her head at any other time other than to go to sleep.

At about 10 months, she started stripping. At night and naps, she would take off all her clothes and take off her diaper and play with the poop, smearing it everywhere. We tried EVERY configuration of clothing there is, and she could take it off. I tried duct tape and she dug in the diaper through the leg. If the diaper was just wet, she would shred it and play with the gel. At times, we would find the poop or the gel in her mouth. We tried everything to get her to stop this- ignoring, making her clean it up, punishment, rewards, special treats if she left her diaper on, etc. We even tried giving her a cold bath everytime she did it(at the advice of a OT). Not thing worked. For awhile, she was doing htis everynight and each nap. We finally figued out to put zippered jammies on backwards with the feet cut out worked. I tried the other day to put regular jammies on and she did it again.

Nicole is a danger seeker. She seems to not notice when something might hurt her and she has no fear. She has run up to snarling dogs to put her hands in their mouths. She runs into the street. She tries to run down slides(some of this is getting better). SHe really does not do much slowly or gently. She runs into the furniture, jumps off anything, etc. She has figured out every single babyproofing thing we have- she can undo all the locks, climbs over gates, etc.

Nicole also seems to have some focus problems. She can't sit and read an entire book, even a short one. She also mouths everything, I can't get her to stop licking the cart at the grocery store. She LOVES her paci and won't give it up. She chews on her clothes and licks her brother. We have called poision control three times. I worry that she is not processing information well because you can tell her "go pick up that toy and put it in that box" and she was sweetly say okay and then walk away like you never said anything to her. She is not rebellious, alwasys says I am sorry mommy and yes mam, but it is like she does not get what we are saying. Right now, we are trying to get her to understand that she has to stay out of the bathroom. We have told her 1000 times do not go in the bathroom and we have put her in time out, taken stuff away, even spanked her and she says I am sorry, no bathroom, and 5 minutes later, she is in there.

The thing is, she is not like this constantly. We have good days and bad days. If she is occupied, she is okay. But if you take your attemtion off her for a minute, she gets like this. Some people that don't see us alot would never guess this, but our close friends know this is how she is. Some of them are not even comfortable babysitting because they are afraid she will get hurt because they can't watch her closely enough. Today, she took her dirty diaper off and put the whole thing in the toliet, then tried to clean her bottom off with her toothbrush. One time, she put alot of her clothes and shoes in the toliet and stirred them up with a barbie and told me she was making pasta soup. Last week, I caught her in the pantry eating mustard. I am so tired.

We took her to Early Intervention. The OT saw her for 6 weeks,(4 weeks in the gym and 2 weeks at home). The psychologst saw her twice. The OT told us that she thinks I am lying because she has not really seen these behaviors. I told her that I was not surprised, that she has been playing with Nicole for 6 weeks only and that in that time, all her energy is focused on her. She disagreed. The psychologist and the OT told us that they think it is a mental health issue and that they believe it is really more about us. The psychologst told us that headbanging and stripping is a sign of neglect!!! We were obvioulsy hurt and so confused because all other doctors we have seen(her ped, a neurologist, a play therapist and a private OT) has told us that this is a sensory issue. They said that her behaviors rule out autism(advanced verbal skills, pretend play, affection, social awareness are great).

Please- I just need some direction. In my heart I think that alot of this is sensory, but I am so confused now. I can take whatever it is, but I just need to know what is going on in her head. I don't know how to help her and at the end of the day, I just cry.

She is so great- she is sweet and loving and so stinking smart. She is stubborn just like me and so so funny. I love her so much so it was so hurtful to hear that they think we are lying about her and that this is caused by neglect.(BTW, they said that because we told them that if she does not nap, and is cranky, we might put her to bed by 6:30 instead of 7, and also we told them that we had to lock her door at night because she can open all the gates and the locks on the front and back door)

I am begging for any kind of advice about what to do now. There are no OT's on our insuracne that work with kids(but I am willing to petition them to cover someone). There is a year long waiting list for the developmental ped in town. We can't go back to Early intervention- they have hurt us so much.

I am also totally willing to hear that there is nothing wrong with her, that she is just a very active kid with some quirks.

Thank you so much.(sorry this was not short at all)

[Mkuhlmann06]

I would cross post this to the special needs adoption... the folks there have seen a lot and could possibly give you some advice. I have no experience at all with anything you are experiencing... I hope someone else on here can give you some suggestions and guidance!

[momagain5]

wow,this is a tough one.shes so young.my oldest son would take his diapers off and smert if he woke up and you didnt know it.he was about 1 when he did this.he is adhd.he is also very artistic,so maybe he was just being creative.it didnt last he outgrew that stage.kids with adhd can also have poor impulse control.she really should be evaluated,keep searching for answers,someone out there can help.it must be upsetting to have people you have seeked to help,try to put the blame on you.just dont give up.

[mamakristen]

Your child is going through the same thing our son went through. Attachment Disorder If u are not familiar with this check out Nancy Thomas books and Gregory Keck books. These were great and beneficial to know how to deal with our son. We also found a really good attachment therapist. She was such a blessing and we still have weekly appointments. Prayers...Keep cuddling as much as u can with your little one, make lots of eye contact with her while feeding her and be sure your little one is engaging a lot with u.

[tiredmom77]

How can it be attachment if we adopted her at birth though? We were there when she was born, I even held her first and was there all in the hospital.

I just don't understand how this could be an attachment problem. She makes great eye contact, is very affectionate with me and others, and has great interaction with me and my husband.

[angelkisses0102]

Even biological children can have attachment disorder. Adopting a newborn does not protect the child from attachment issues. Your daughter lost part of herself by losing her first mother...for some children that is the only break/loss needed for attachment disorder to rear it's ugly head.

Here are a couple of very basic websites that speak of attachment disorder in infants. While they speak to internationally adopted infants, since I used them for my DS who was adopted internationally at 8 months old, the basic information remains the same. A4everFamily.org - HOME and Attach-China and Welcome to Attachment & Trauma Network* - ATN are some of my favorites. I would also research brain development in infants as that will clear up the why's of how some children adopted at birth can and do have attachment disorder.

I would get her evaluated for sensory issues as well. My DS had both AD/RAD and SID/SPD...their symptoms overlap...but I see so many things your DD is doing that my DS did or continues to do.

I 2nd posting in the special needs general forum here.

[Barksum]

You might also go to a private pediatric OT and have your Dd screened for SI problems. Not all OT's are qualified to screen for dysfunction of sensory integration, so you'll need to check into that. Not sure whom to contact to find out, either. Do cross post on the special needs forum and I think there will be someone who knows.

In addition to the SI stuff, which it sounds like you are familiar with, you might read up on fetal alcohol issues. Do an internet search of fetal alcohol spectrum disorder as this is the newly defined label for children who are prenatally exposed and have problems relating to that. If you look under the old labels (ie: FAS and FAE) you'll get out of date info., or rather, less current info.

SI is not generally thought to be a 'stand alone' diagnosis. There is almost always another issue and the SI goes along with it. Fetal alcohol, ADHD, CP, and other problems.

In our state we can refuse the services of Early Intervention. If I was getting the kind of feed back from them that you are I would be very cautious and definitely look into the private services route. More money, but greater peace of mind.

[westernmom]

Oh honey, you are a tired mom.

Your daughter sounds similar to my 20 month old. He has sensory integration disorder. (She also has similarities to my 4 yo, who also has sid.)

"G", my 20 month old, was also born having been drug exposed prenatally (cocaine). He was positive at birth. "G" began head banging at a young age (I think 7 months old). He does it as he is seeking stimulation for his nervous system. (I think of it as - "G" got crack as a stimulant while in utero, now he has to find some external stimulation to take the place of the crack. Okay, it's more complex than that, I know...)
It COULD be that your daughter is head banging to try to calm down at the end of the day, she's trying to get some stimulation to calm her nervous system.

I know, it sounds weird that stimulation can calm the nervous system but for some kids it does. With "G", we had to swing him to sleep when he was younger (I mean big movements in a swing attached to the ceiling.) He required more stimulation in order to calm down.

"G" also loved the vibrating bouncy seat and the vibrating mode on the bassinette - put him to sleep every time as a newborn.

Now your daughter is similar to my 4 yo "M" in that she also over-responds to stimulus. "M" can't stand certain clothes, tags touching him, seams in socks, etc. Children with sensory integration dysfunction can be both under-responsive to sensory input (your daughter's head banging to get stimulation) and over-responsive (can't stand certain clothes).

Having issues with head positions ("M" can't stand to have his head upside down) is also a sign of a sensory issue.

The fact that she mouths everything is a sign that she is seeking oral stimulation. Same with needing to suck on the pacifier. "G" still has a pacifier, it actually helps him calm down when he sucks on it. Frequently kids with sensory issues need to suck, chew, etc. much more and to an older age.

The danger seeking, again sounds like "G". It appears she is climbing and "getting into everything" to get that sensory stimulation. "G" will push the kitchen chair to the island, climb on the island, and push everything off, then try to jump across to the counter by the fridge and climb in the sink. If you take the chairs out of the kitchen, he stacks toys to climb on.

I will say I'm not sure on the poop smearing, except I know it's age appropriate for toddlers to strip their clothes off just because they can. And it could be that the smearing is an opportunistic thing that once you "reacted", she kept doing. (Not that I wouldn't have reacted the same way.)

First, take a breath, second, there is help. We had both our boys diagnosed at the Children's Hospital. Their pediatrician wrote an order for an OT evaluation. What does her doctor say? Push the doc for an eval with someone who sees kids with sensory issues all the time (not early intervention, they're not specialized enough).

Write everything down that she does that you think is "odd". Dates, times, be specific. That will help show that it's an issues with your daughter and not just in your head. Make a copy for the pediatrician. Keep on the doctor for names of people who specialize in evaluating young children.

I would strongly suggest doing more "sensory" activites now. If your daughter seems to like them and they help her, keep doing them, and if she reacts poorly then stop. My boys do their "sensory diet" four times a day for 15-20 minutes a time (some days more, if we're having an off day.)

Get the books The Out-of-Sync Child and The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun from the library. They will list all sorts of activities to try (swinging, spinning, jumping, bouncing, etc.) Like I said, your daughter will love some and hate other activites.

You might also try a vibrating teether. We got one that looks like an ear of corn at a large discount store. "G" loves the stimulation in his mouth. You might try giving it to her every time she tries to lick something or someone. Or give her the pacifier. "G" has his all the time.

Try not to worry about what your daughter should or should not be doing at 28 months old. I think of it as, if we can have a good day - or at least a day with less screaming - so what if "G" still has a pacifier? It's helping him learn to self soothe.

I think your instinct (and the 4 other professionals) is right on. I haven't had the best luck with Early Intervention here (and my 4 yo has an IEP in preschool). I basically had to take them his low scores from his private OT to get him to qualify for services.

A couple of other things as I re-read your post ...
you might try putting a wooden screen door on the entrance to her room. That way you can latch it at night, she can't get out, but she can still see out.

And the lack of attention, "G" is the same way. Can't sit still for 4 seconds. He's too busy seeking sensory input.

Best of luck. Feel free to pm me, I can give you some yahoo groups that you might find helpful.

[BlessedByTwo121]

I swear we adopted the same child. She is now 10. For the past 7 years life has been he**. She has displayed all of the behaviors of your child etc... NOBODY beleive me because let me tell you, she can play a good fiddle. Every professional she had ever met she knew all the right things to say and all of the right things to do. It was FRUSTRATING. Just recently I was at my witts end and feeling a nervous break down coming on. I have FINALLY gotten her the help she needs and let me tell you she is a completely different child. She has been diagnosed with ADHD and bipolar. Instead of thinking it was the end of the world I was relieved to get an answer to all of the madness. With the right medication and therapy her life is turning around. I have recently enjoyed getting to know her all over again.

I completely understand how touch your life is right now. I sympathize and am more than happy to offer you support through all of this. I did it alone because nobody understood. It was a lonely dark time for me and it almost ruined my marriage.

Hang in there, dont give up. Search for the right kind of help. When you dont feel the professional is seeing is any help...move on. My daughter has been to 4 psychiatrists before I found the right team to help her.
Its been a loooong touch emotional road...but in the end she has been worth every tear and phone call it has taken to get her help.

You can do this!

[athikers]

I think your daughter has sensory problems... continue to go to therapists and doctors until someone LISTENED. This is my last fd, almost exactly, and she has very high needs sensory processing disfunction. Good luck.

[sdiedre]

I kind of wonder about the FAS, too, with the inability to understand the consequences (hot stove, etc). BUT, I have zero experience.

Go for the specialist! And good luck!

[OakShannon]

Wow. I'm so sorry you are going through this and had such a bad experience with Early Intervention. Because I have a disabled brother, I have known MANY families who encountered doctors and therapists who said - It's all your fault / You don't know what you're talking about - because they couldn't seem to pronounce the phrase, "I DON'T KNOW." (Not that there aren't also many wonderful professionals out there.)

It sounds like some experienced parents here may have given you a direction to travel in and I will pray that things get better for you and your daughter.

[atouchofheaven]

go on your state's birth-to-three or early intervention website and look at your rights. i know in my state, CT, i have the right to a second and even third opinion and can request to change therapists. i can also choose which agency i would like to work with in my area, some are better than others. i say fight, fight, fight to get the help your daughter needs. 6 weeks is not enough from an OT for a possible sensory problem.

it sounds a lot like sensory issues. my mom is a pediatric OT specializing in sensory disorders and i spent many years working with her. this sounds similar to many kids i've seen. of course i'm not a professional. but you do have rights. also, you can look into private therapists or clinics for treatment, they are sometimes covered by insurance or you can submit for reimbursement especially if you have a diagnosis. you can pay for an initial eval to get a diagnosis.

good luck to you. always follow your gut, you know your daughter best.

[tiredmom77]

Thank you all for the thoughts and ideas- we took Nicole to a private OT and she was dx with moderate to severe sensory processing disorder.

She did three weeks of therapy for two hours everyday. The change is amazing. She is now doing twice a week therapy and some listening therapy, plus what we do with her at home.

I have a new little girl! She still struggles, but there are alot of victories as well.

[athikers]

Yeah What a happy update!