[etaag]

We have been matched to a 15 year old girl with bipolar disorder. I have been doing a lot of reading and asking questions. But I would like you opinions on what questions I should ask.

• she is stable on meds
• no aggressive or violent behavior
• is A-B student
• very popular, good peers, able to keep friends
• Teachers love her
• she loves church/ being role model to children and working with them
• she is non psychotic
• description of worst down day is crying for 2 hours on foster moms floor
• very boy crazy (above average)
• not sexually active
• wants to go to college
• can be strong willed about trying to get her to understand something (why something is not a certain way, or ok)
• does not argue or talk back to foster mom (fm will not allow it)
• said she is very dramatic (she is in drama also)
• said she lives like Jesus is sitting on her shoulder
• people pleaser
• feels like she needs to save the world
• feels like she is not good enough/needs positive feedback
• no problem taking meds, knows she needs them

This girl is the very first child we ever wanted and submitted for (1-1/2 years ago). She decided that she didn't want to be adopted, so they took her down. She was afraid of rejection.

We are leaders in our children's ministry at church, and she just sounds wonderful, until they called us and said she is bipolar. I have no experience with this at all and don't know what to expect. Will we be walking on egg shells daily? I know teen girls have hormonal issues, but is the way past that even on meds?

We also have 2 children, a girl 8 and boy 9. They are fine adopting older. We don't feel that a girl close to or younger than my daughter would be right for our family, she can be jealous and can be bossy.

I have spoken to her worker 2 times and her therapist once. I am going to call the therapist back to ask a few more questions. We are scheduling a time to read all of her declassified files soon.

thanks,
Melissa

[mrsred]

It sounds like they have her meds pretty stabilized right now, and she is willing to take them and stick with them. He diagnosis would not scare me off. There are worse things than being bi-polar.

[etaag]

Truthfully, I was very scared at first. Then I started reading everything I could about it. I am beginning to understand a lot more and be more comfortable with the diagnosis. There are many questions I am going to ask her worker still. I am glad to here from others that they have bipolar teens that are stable on their meds and are great kids. Thanks for your responding.

Melissa

[Nic_W_806]

I wouldn't be scared off by her diagnosis. I, too, am bipolar, and stabilized on meds. (She actually sounds a lot like me when I was a teenager.) Just keep in mind that even though she's stable, she may still have the episodes. Just be supportive of her!

[DianeS]

These two seem to contradict each other:

• can be strong willed about trying to get her to understand something (why something is not a certain way, or ok)
• does not argue or talk back to foster mom (fm will not allow it)

So I'd want to know how she expresses her "strong willed" personality if she doesn't talk back. Does she agree with it and then not do it? That can be a whole other issue to deal with. Or is it something else?

And I'd want to know *how* the foster mom doesn't allow her to talk back. Whatever her technique, you'll need to learn it as there is no guarantee any other ways will work. Is that OK with you?

Also, bipolar individuals often stop taking their medications when they feel good. Even if they knew they needed them before, they feel fine later so they stop. So I'd want to know how long she's been diagnosed with bipolar, and if she's been medicated long enough for her to have conceivably felt good and thought about not taking the meds anymore, and took them anyway.

I'd also want to know how long she's lived with this foster family. Have they had her long enough to have gone through a long honeymoon period, and be out the other end to more normal behaviors? What was she like when she was first placed, and what was she like soon after the honeymoon ended? Kids often regress to those same behaviors after major upheaval, and moving homes and families qualifies as that.

With a child this afraid of rejection, I think I'd have LOTS of conversations with this child's foster family (and previous ones, if she has any), doctors, therapists, teachers, etc before being introduced to her. Anything you can learn from somebody other than her probably should be learned that way.

That's my take on it anyway.