[smitnlit]

Hello Dr. Art,
I'm hoping you can give a bit of guidance. I'm not sure if I should seek out a local child Psychologist or not. We adopted last year from China. Our daughter is wonderful. She was 11 months old at the time of adoption. During the adoption process I gave birth to a son too. They are 6 months apart in age. Recently my daughter displayed such anger towards objects that it caught my attention. She fell over a truck and picked the truck up and started hitting it and threw it across the room, but it didn't end there. She continued a rampage against the truck. Last week she stood up and hit her head on the pine table. She immediately starting hitting the table and yelling and screaming at it. She also started yelling and screaming at her clothing one day. Stomped on it and tried to tear it, all while crying and screaming. This week, she wanted to ride a truck that was my son's. It's wasn't a truck you could ride, so she flipped out. She cried and screamed and hit it. It seems very aggressive. We do not hit our children, but discipline with time outs. She has been getting at least 2-3 time outs a day for hitting one of us. Either my son, dog, husband or myself is getting a wack from her when she doesn't get her way. I can almost understand that more than hitting objects.

I think she has adjusted and bonded fairly well. There are times that I wish I could spend more one on one time with her, but I can't because of my son. She is very affectionate and like many adopted children has no fear of strangers. She would go and hug a perfect stranger without fear. The only other issue in the bonding process is her high tolerance to pain. She maintains great eye contact and she can communicate her needs very clearly. I'm just stumped by this behavior.

I do feel differently towards her than my son. It tears us up and we feel constantly guilty. It has taken a LONG time for my husband and I to connect with her the way we did with my son. We are just about there.

I am very worried about her anger and aggression. Is this normal toddler behavior?
Mary

[sfbaymom2000]

hi,

I am no expert, but I don't think what you are describing is quite "normal". We have a four year-old dauhter who has only been with us 5 months. She can be very defiant and passive agressive, but does not hit or throw really out-of control temper tantrums. We have a similar issue with approaching and hugging aquaintances (not really complete strangers) that we are working on. We are doing play therapy to work on her attachment issues, anxiety, and fears.

Although you got your daughter much younger, I would think it would be a good idea to have her evaluated, and possbily get some therapy. Better safe than sorry! Good luck!

[Sheriv]

I think that all things relate to attachment and attachment disorder. Its like my therapist says children often times do not remember the trauma because they were too young....its in their limbic system. I agree with the previous reply about seeking therapy. When a child rages to that degree it is not "normal". But then our adopted/foster children did not have a "normal" beginning. It all starts with abandoment and how that was internalized.

Good Luck and please seek out information as it relates to adopting the hurt child, attachment and its issues and the variety of other things that effect these children with difficult beginnings.

[KaydensMama]

I have a bio child who is doing this as well. I have taken him in and they say it could have to do with him having a rough start in life but they say he could be just acting out his age. Some kids use this as their way to get control when their control was taken away. I let him throw his fit as long as he's nut hurting himself and anyone else. Yes even at the store even if i am super embaressed. His fit's last less if i'm not responding to it. Now when he get's really violiant i pick him up and lay him on the couch or his bed (somewhere he can calm down, without getting hurt.) I tell him that I know he is angry and that's ok but this behavior is not OK. This is how I have been told to work it and for the most part it's been working for us.

He spent 6 months in and out of the hospital with lot's of needles and test and hardly any cuddle time do to tubes stuff. While at home he was held 24/7 he could ever be alone (he's was a very needy baby) you put him down for a few min's when he was awake he would scream for 10 sec's (no kidding) he would stop breathing and shut down.

I would take her in but if she is 2 this is the age of learning about her feelings and teaching her how to deal with them.

[kxl164]

I would take in to a psychologist to get evaluated.

I think that she is getting "angry" over the small things like today and such is normal, but I think her reaction to it goes beyond what is "normal" and that is where the problem for her lies. Not that she gets upset, yes that is normal for her age, but when her rage and anger completely take over and she is out of control.... I think that it really is beyond her control and that this is how she acts out because she hasn't leanred any different yet because this is how bad it feels for her.

This is the age where they learn all of this stuff usually, I just think that the scared feelings she gets when something goes wrong is more than she can take and that is why she is getting so aggressive.

So, her getting angry about the truck, normal, her kicking and throwing and all of that kind of stuff would have me concerned too.

Good Luck!