[Abdulina]

I won't go through our entire history. I have 5 special needs children. I deal w/ FAS/RAD/ADHD/MMR/Dev.delays/OCD/Anxiety/ PTSD/missing limbs/ etc. On and on I could go. We have worked really hard to get our children to the point they are today. Last year, I did regression therapy and attachment therapy on my own w/ our then 5yo son. Before I get beratted for not going anywhere, there was NO where to go! Had our insurance company, friends, ped doc/ ourselves, husband's work/ ohter psychologists looking for some type of attachment therapist to work w/ our son to no avail. Took matters into my own hands at that point. Had to. It was very difficult but I did it. This is a child who used to go after the dog w/ a coat hanger, try to kill lizzards and other things outside. No empathy, laugh when others got hurt, etc. etc. Fast forward to today... He is a new kid! Gets complimented all the time, a joy to be around and every other mother wants him as her kid--LOL. If they only knew what I had to do to get him to that point.

Now, we have a new problem we are trying to contend w/. OUr 10yo (home 2yrs.) has always been defiant and stubborn beyond belief. At first, we had choked up alot of behavior to normal adjustments after being in a post institutionalized setting. We are seeing clearly now and can't deny it any longer. She is also a RADish. As you remember, there are no attachment therapists around. So, we went to a psychologist this week. She won't be much help but better than nothing I suppose. However, she will not start working w/ our daughter until she is medicated. URghh. That of course means a psychiatric eval. That means...more waiting. Very fustrating as this is getting serious w/ her issues. She IS a pathological liar. She steals(from home & school, never a store), and this week cheated at school. She has major rages, but thank goodness they are not frequent. She is mostly angry. We may be dealing w/ ODD, I don't know. We just want help but looks as though again we may be on our own. Since she is much older, I know I can't do this on my own as I did w/ our son. Any suggestions on how to deal w/ an older child w/ RAD? She's very charming though if at someone's home other than her own. And today, the ONLY psychiatrist that will see her has NEVER dealt w/ RAD!!! How is he even going to be able to diagnose? Will he even see through the charm? I guess I'm asking what you all would do in this case. She will be 11 this month. We can see that if she is not under control soon, that she will possibly heading down the RTC route and we can't even phathom that right now. Hence, our deep desire to help and heal her b/c we know there is potential there. she is smart and can be so sweet at times. Sorry for rambling. Just wondering if any of you have dealt w/ an older RADish and how it went. Thanks in advance for responses.

Take care,

[lilybugs]

Have you had her evaluted for bipolar? A lot of RAD symptoms overlap there. My son was dx'd RAD and it turned out he is bp w/paranoia and schizoaffective. We got him on the right meds (NOT easy to do w/kids) and he is a great kid now. Don't give up yet unless you feel in danger. Then hospitalize immediately. That is how we finally got the right dx.
Good luck and Blessings,
Susan

[joymico]

I am not an adoptive parent but I do long term therpeutic foster parenting for older kids, my youngest ever being 11. I must say that the majority of my kids I would think are RAD, but because they only deal with the system's psych, they hardly ever get diagnosed. That being said, I was wondering how you did it with your 5 yr old? My 11 y.o foster daughter whom will be with me for the next 7 yrs, I feel has atleast RAD. She lies habitually about everything, has eneuresis, started with putting bowel movement toilet paper in the trash instead of in the toilet, has tentatively put it on the curtain (feces), and her new one is smearing boogers on her wall near her bed...has no personal hygene skills to speak of. she has just started the smearing over the last couple of months. She has lived with me for a year and a half. She laughs when others get hurt, and when being disciplined, talked to, yelled at, anything of that nature that requires a serious demeanor, she has to fight back the laughter. it isn't a nervous laugh either, you can see something different in her eyes. i know how that sounds, but it is true. I have a 17.5 yr old whom has nervous laughter and it comes across extremely different. its just different. anyhow, i was wondering if you could give me advice on what you did for your 5 yr old. and i hope you recieved some help with your 10 yr old. thanks

[lucyjoy]

First, I'd check with kelly@radzebra.org for a therapist near you(and 2 hours for AT is considered near enough)

Medication might help. It won't help the RAD but it can sometimes slow the brain enough so a child can think or calm their anxiety enough to work on issues. Hard to say. Again, I'd look hard for an AT. There are a few that will come to you. Insurance won't always cover but even if you could only afford a few visits, they could provide you specific tools to work with for that child.

High nurture, high structure, and choices would be where I'd start. And by choices I mean things like milk or juice or do you want to brush teeth before or after your shower.

Restitution for damage done. Alarms on bedroom doors.
Limit the size of her world until she becomes more in control of herself.

Check into Home as it has parent list servs for all ages of parents with RAD kids.

As for the regression therapy-do you have a partner that can help you? I did this years ago before it was considered a problem and my kids were 9 and 10. It is scarier and harder at that age and I did have training first which helps.

Special needs board on this site gets more traffic. If you post specific things your struggling with there, it might help.

[flowers4mom]

Just here to offer support. Our son is 14 and entered RTC this past December. The problems you are having sound identical to how our son progressed. Even the charming personality is exact. Just in case it does escalate to RTC, you are doing the right thing by getting a diagnoses and paperwork. You will need all of this. So even if it is frustrating, hang in there and follow through. I just dealth with all of this and the paperwork with seeing a counselor is sooooooooo important. We were never really able to find a counselor who understood attachment/RAD issues. We were just very persistent in our sessions to communicate and describe the issues our son was having. You can certainly suggest to the counselor that you think it may be RAD. I'm concerned about the fact that drugs are being pushed on you and your child. They can certainly be helpful and affective, but to force it? That bothers me for you. I wonder what others think of this.

[Scatterbrain]

I have an 11 yr old with RAD. He wasn't diagnosed until he was 9. I have a background in working with special needs children and tried to do it all myself for many years before realizing that I was too close and needed outside help. We turned to our adoption agency for recommendations for therapists. It took a couple tries before we found one we could work with and felt comfortable trusting our son to. Have you tried contacting the agency that placed you? If you adopted through the state, maybe you could contact a local adoption agency and ask who they use for therapy and get references there.