[LotAkids]

I have some concerns with my son. He will be a year in a few days. We are in the process of adopting him and won't have finalization until November.
Anyway, his birthmother has bipolar disease, personality disorder and Lord knows what else. She was a major rollercoaster (and still is, since she refuses to medicate herself and that's why we have our son now) and only had her son with her for 36 hours after leaving the hospital.
My husband and I have three biological daugthers of our own, so parenting is not a new thing for us. My concerns are this and tell me if you think I'm reading into things or if you think I'm paranoid. If I tell him no for any reason, like pulling hair, biting (which he does ALOT) or if he's going to touch something he shouldn't, he hits me, clenches his fists, screams at the top of his lungs....not cries, screams. If he doesn't get his way with something or if he's playing with a toy and it won't do what he wants it to do, he pitches a huge fit. Is this just the difference between boys and girls that everyone tells me about?? Or is he abnormal?
ANY advice would be appriciated.
Liz

[Teresa K]

I do not know if that would be the difference between boys and girls. But after four of my own, and caring for two others pretty much full time when they were that age I would think it is the difference between children. I know of one child that was brutal when he did not get his way, we all passed it off and getting attention the only way he could. Then his parents had another child, in the same environment, and he was the sweetest little thing and still is.

If it eases your mind, I personally would not write the child off as inheritiing mental disorders. Although it would be a possibility. Maybe educate yourself on the mental illnesses so you can deal with them if they come up, and know what to look for over the long term. One year olds are often frustrated and do whatever to deal with that. Good Luck , Teresa

[hippiechick]

Keep in mind that I am no expert, though I do have experience with children, foster care, and adoption, as well as mental health issues.

Bipolar disorder is not something that is going to show up when your child is a baby, or even a toddler or preschooler. It sounds to me that your baby has a temper, or was born with the tendency for a low frustration tolerence.

I don't think you are being paranoid, but this is not bipolar disorder...

Was he exposed to illicit drugs prenatally?

Hippiechick,
bmom of 2, placed 11/01 and
social worker who works w/ kids in foster care
and has mental health background (as a case manager)

[LotAkids]

hippiechick.....cute name!
We were told that when his mother was in the hospital having him that at that time since she was not in the system and they had no reason to believe that she had mental issues or that she was going to be a bad parent, that she was not tested. She has self admitted to the caseworker that she did not drink but that she did occassional pot. Whether she is being truthful or not only she knows, but that's all the info that we have.
YES, he definately has low frustration levels. He will get upset over things that seem so small. Even to a one year old. But you don't think this is an early sign of things to come?

[onepurpletwin]

I have two boys... 4 years old and 17 months. My 17 month old has a temper, he's a good kid and listens fairly well, but he gets mad fast...when he is upset, he screams too. My four year old just doesn't listen, or pretends that he doesn't hear what you have said to him that's always nice. Anyway, the point I'm trying to make is that every child has a bad side and a good side. What is considered good for one might be bad for another?? I have a punching bag for my kids to beat up...It helps them burn energy, excersise, get rid of anger, and they think it's fun to play with. I know your boy is young, but you might try it. Oh, maybe yoga could help?? That is a less violent way of dealing with stress and emotion, again I know he is young, but I'm sure you can find something out there. Good luck, Lisa.

[LotAkids]

Thanks for your input, all of you.
Sometimes it helps just to talk about it and then it doesn't seem so bad.
Because he didn't come from me, and his birthmother has so many mental health issues, I think I'm paranoid.
I am going to try to read up on some of the issues that she deals with and just keep myself informed.
Thanks again.

[sweetnoodle]

You may keep a close watch on him for traits of high intelligence. It is often found later, when looking back at around age three to five when a child is able to express themselves adequately verbally, that a lot of biting, strong-willed, stubborn behaviors stem from frustration on the part of highly gifted students who are not yet able to express themselves appropriately.

It has been debated repeatedly about the correlation between creativity and bi-polar and other psychiatric disorders, and there is definitely a correlation. This doesn't mean he has an inherited psychological disorder! It only means, his biological family does, so just be aware, but don't be paranoid. And yes, it is way to early in his life to be determining these things.

Instead of only disciplining for these behaviors, try also to teach him ways of communicating and this could be a "tell" for whether he is just frustrated or just being strong willed. There is a difference between being frustrated and strong willed.

Sincerely,

[LotAkids]

sweetnoodle-

Thank you so much for that. I never thought of it in that way before. What a great tool these forums are! I can pick the brains of so many different people's opinions and experiences. How wonderful to think of the possibility that he could be highly intelligent then to dwell on all the possibilities of what could be "wrong with him".
I will sleep much better tonight thinking on things of such.
Thank you.