[mellynhut]

Hi, everyone.

I am getting ready to start the search for my bson who was born in 1989. I am a little bit confused about how a private adoption works and looking back am able to see how naive I was and how little I knew.

I started to go through an agency, but I didn't. They made me feel so pressured and I left. I found an adoption attorney to go through. She was very nice and I felt comfortable with her.

I thought she was my attorney, finding adoptive parents for me. She found a sweet couple and they sent me a letter and about a week after he was born, we went to her office to sign the adoption papers. Here's the red flag - she said oh by the way, let me introduce you to mr. attorney. I am really aparents' attorney and this is just a formality. Now thinking back, I never got copies of anything. I was so numb, I can't even remember what I signed.

Now, I feel so stupid. I should have known she wasn't looking out for me. I guess I just didn't know any better.

So, how would I go about getting copies of my paperwork? I don't know who "my" attorney was. I remember the aparents attorney, for sure, because I thought she was my attorney, and she is still practicing here. I am not real sure where to start with this. I am a little bit ticked off and feel like I was decieved. When she recently ran for family court judge, I thought about calling her opponent with this little diddy, but I didn't want to get caught up in all of that and my story be used for political gain, if it could have been used.

Also, do aparents who go through private adoptions have to be checked out by a social worker like other adoptions? I hope and pray so.

Just not sure where to start.

Thank you,
Melly

[stinky_kitty]

Melly there is a really good chance that you might not be able to get copies. If I were you I would call the attorney you do remember and start from there.

I was able to get the papers I signed about 10-11 years after the adoption took place but I went through an agency and I harassed them until they gave them to me.

Good luck!

[bakerjw]

In what state was the adoption finalized? Some are more open than others as for how information is handled. See if they have an adoption registry. Get on all the registries that you can.

Did you keep the letter? Do you know the aparents names?

Some of the other bmothers here might be able to let you know what paperwork they received when their adoptions were processed through an attorney.
We're all behind you.


As a lesson learned, never trust a smiling lawyer.

[mellynhut]

It was in Louisiana and there is a mutual consent registry with the state. They will only notify me if he registers.

I have often thought of writing the attorney that I do know of, but I just get this awful intimidated feeling. I sort of freeze up and don't know what to write.

I did keep the aparents' letter. It contains their first names and the city that they lived in. I hold on to this letter for dear life and after 19 years it's starting to get a little ragged, so now I only take it out now around his birthday.

I only registered on one online registry. When you do that, do you get hammered with spam or crazy people trying to contact you? Just a little bit concerned about having it all out there. I have been searching, looking at all of the online sites to see if he's looking for me, but I haven't really put it out there for him to find me. I guess I should.

Thank you.

[bakerjw]

As SK did, get copies of what you signed. Ask the attorney nicely and go from there.

As for reunion sites, I've never gotten hammered with spam any more than normal. Most of the sites are pretty good about shielding your e-mail address, but some like G'S Adoption Registry Home Page do post your e-mail address so it is best to get a new GMail account or something like that to use with those places. Not that G's is bad. It is great, they just post the e-mail addresses which is necessary.

I've also never had any crazy people bug me. With my adoption situation, I've held some information back for verification in case someone comes forward saying that they are a birth relative. It doesn't hurt to be skeptical and question anyones motives. And of course if someone wants money to help it is most likely a scam. Ask here and others will help determine the persons intent. Hopefully.

A lot of people also get found through myspace or facebook. Start a myspace page and put the birthdate, city, and state information. You never know what will happen.

[mylovebug]

There Is Also A Registry On The New Troy Dunn Website. It Is A New Show Called The Locator And He Locates Birth Parents To Their Adopted Children. But If You Go On His Website There Is An Area Where You Can Search For Him To See If He Has Registered And A Place For You To Register So That If He Comes Looking He Can Locate You. Good Luck With Your Search And Reunion!!!!

[Drywall]

Melly....what you are describing is somewhat of a hodge-podge. Your son had to have had some adoption court proceeding somewhere. Go to the clerk of that court and ask for specific information in regards to the adoption. You should be able to establish who the attorneys were that handled the adoption and if the records are not sealed you should be able to get access to them. The clerk will provide you with the rules and perhaps a form to meet the requirements of the court. Also if those adoption records are sealed, it would be difficult to seal the records of the attorney that performed the adoption. Since you know who she is, I would ask her for those records. Good luck.

[MamaS]

I don't know the laws in your state, but in Georgia there is a "back door" to adoption. The birth parents sign permanent legal custody of the child over to the "potential" adoptive parents. This does not have to be done in front of a judge. Lawyers and notaries can handle it. Then the Legal Guardians file to adopt their "legal ward". This does go before a judge, but the birth parents are no longer a part of the proceedings and neither is DFCS because it is a "relative" adoption.
Also, the legal guardians can move the proceedings to the county where they live, which may not be the county of the child's birth. So, if desired, the birthplace will also be changed on the newly issued birth certificate.