[MTB]

I got my hospital records and theydidn't tell me much because most of it was blurry but one sheet of paper had only not keeping private adoption. I wasn't sure if the adoption was private or through Catholic Charities. On another sheet it had see xx ( which was my dad) and then private adoption see Mr.xx. I have no idea who this man is. Does anyone have any ideas? I could also make out that it was a baby girl and her weight and length. I already knew what they were cause I have the hospital bracelet with it on it. The lawyer who handled the adoption is no longer practiceing and had gotten rid of all his files. Is it worth hireing a PI? I really don'e understand how they can find out anything when it was a private adoption and all the records are sealed. Does anyone have any suggestions on what I should do now. Ihave registered with N.Y. and a few other sites. I have been comming to this site almost every day and nothing. I am gitting really discourged. I sometimes feel I am waisting my time. I have checked out the home page and put in the date of birth etc. and nothing. There is one on the date after my daughters and I e-mailed her twice but nothing. It showes she registered in 2004 and proubly doesn't check in much. If anyone can help me please do. I can't talk to my husband about it because he has no idea what to say. I read alot here how you all help eachother so could anyone of you careing people help me please. I would be very greatful, Mary

[Southernroots]

Mary, I have a couple of suggestions. If possible, find an adoption support group in your area. In addition to the support that they could offer, they may be able to direct you to a reputable searcher or p.i. Having spent some time with a p.i today at noon picking his brain a tad, I have renewed respect for how much a good p.i. can do. Have you registered with ISRR?

Frankly, I think if I were searching and could afford it, I'd go to a good p.i. A reputable one may not charge if he can't find - many have that policy.

Even when records are sealed, you'd be amazed at how much you can find with tiny bits of into. I do know one adoptee whose hospital records played a crucial role in his search. Gather up all your documents, write down every tiny thing you know and find a good p.i. or searcher.

[MTB]

thank you for the help southernroots it has helped alot. I needed to hear some positive words of encouragement. My husband sees me on the comp. everyday and he knows what I'm doing and says nothing. It would be nice if just once he'd ask, so how are things going, any luck,can I give you any suggestions? And my sister and daughter know I do this everyday too and never ask me about it.Yes I've registered with ISRR. Is there a certain type of P.I. I should look for, one that deals only with finding adoptees?

[Southernroots]

Mary,

In the early days of my reunion, my husband was my rock, he drew bubble baths for me when he knew that was what I needed, brought me snacks, held me when I cried and could not have been more supportive. But as much as he wanted to truly understand what I was going through - and he did try - but, he just could not really "get" it. Non-triad members can be very supportive, but, few really make me feel understood and can validate my feelings.

Give your family a chance though. Even if they don't ask, tell them that you'd love some encouragement. Maybe they just don't know what to say. Maybe they can offer it - maybe not - but what do you have to lose by asking?

Yes, it would be better to find a p.i. or a search organization that specializes in adoption - or at least supports reunions and has some experience. Go to a search engine like google or yahoo and type in the state that your adoption occurred in and the word "search" "searcing" or "support groups". There might be a website specific for searching in your state and that might help you find some search help and/or a referral to a reputable p.i.

Good luck!

[MTB]

I'm so glad your husband is so supportive. I will talk to my family again and there is a support group here called P.A.C.E. so I will call them and hopefully they can help in finding a good P.I.. Thanks for the help.

[Southernroots]

Believe me it has helped me tremendously to have a supportive husband. Glad there is a good support group in your area! It may take a while to feel comfortable at meetings, but, support groups can help so much.

Good luck! If I can help you further, let me know. You can PM me too.

[FallenChild]

What hospital was your daughter born in and what state?

[MTB]

Hi Fallenchild, My daughter was born in Sisters Hospital in Buffalo, N.Y..

[cherylp38]

Are you talking about Stanley Michelman. He has his records. Go to the search bar and type in Stanley Michelman. One of the post has his current contact route. He wont be any help but the records are out there. Dont give up!

[MTB]

Hi Cherylp38, it wasn't Stanley Michelman. Thanks for trying though.

[tikiboo33]

was it Leonard tarr by any chance??

[MTB]

The lawyer I.m talking about is Bartels, I forget his first name.

[dlb003]

Hi MTB -

I agree with Southern Roots on family support, but I also think that sometimes there may be a tinge of fear about the unknown and perhaps jealously. They may be worried about how this reunion could affect thier lives. And jealous of the time you have spent searching and the time you will spend with this person that they do not have a connection with. While I get loads of support from my b. friend, I see it in his eyes sometimes, the worry of someone perhaps taking me from him. It's irrational, but it's like a friend that becomes jealous when you meet another friend and you begin to talk about this person all the time and spending time with them...I'm sure you know what I mean.

I guess what I am trying to say is, to try see it from thier point of view as well. While you do need thier support for what you are going through...your family needs to know that thier place with you and the family unit is secure. You are the mother.

Anyway...my 2 cents.

I have no sage advice to provide on your search - I'm still going through my own. Patience would be the word of the day!

Good luck on your search!

Originally Posted by MTB

thank you for the help southernroots it has helped alot. I needed to hear some positive words of encouragement. My husband sees me on the comp. everyday and he knows what I'm doing and says nothing. It would be nice if just once he'd ask, so how are things going, any luck,can I give you any suggestions? And my sister and daughter know I do this everyday too and never ask me about it.Yes I've registered with ISRR. Is there a certain type of P.I. I should look for, one that deals only with finding adoptees?