[bmom-to-LDA]

I am a birthmom to a late discovery adoptee. His apars refused to tell him he was adopted. I found him (due to one miracle after another) and was the one to tell him he was adopted. He was 19. He is now going on 24. Everything is going well. We talk to him often and see each other a couple times a year. His apars still don't have a clue that he knows he is adopted, much less knows us. He decided to let it remain a secret - a 2-way secret I guess.

Anyway.. got a bomb dropped on me a while back. His new girlfriend informed my daughter out of the blue that both she and my son "don't believe in God". My daughter told me about it, then the next morning the gfriend brought it up to me as well. I didn't want to get into a sermon but told her to keep the door to her heart cracked just a little and Christ would reveal himself to her. We would talk more later. Well, that's not something to discuss over the phone and the next visit won't be for a while.

My son and I do not talk serious matters very often. In fact, the word adoption or anything about it has not come up since the first year. We just act like everything is normal - except for sneaking around to see each other. By the way, he has 2 full-blood siblings as I later married the birthfather. It is awesome for us all to be together. Back on track - I wouldn't know how to bring this subject up to him when, again, we seldom talk seriously, just go with the flow and have fun together.

The thing is, I have cried many nights over the thought that my son could go to hell. I hate to put it that way, but that seems to be the fact. I have struggled with a broken heart ever since he was adopted. God gave me the greatest gift in bringing him back into my life against great odds. If no one, including himself, knew he was adopted, it is very tough to find someone-especially when the attorney was in cahoots with apars and even told me he didn't remember doing an adoption for me and had no records!

Sorry to ramble on. It is very hard for me to accept that I lived without him for 19 years and now may face eternity without him. Maybe this is why the Lord allowed him back into my life? To share the good news? But how? There is still some awkwardness at times, tho most of the time we just act like a family and go bowling and things like that. I sure would hate to alienate him by making him feel like I was preaching to him or wanted him to change his whole life and start looking at things like we do or living like we do. Sure.. I try to be mom in some ways and give little pieces of advice, but mostly, I'm just there to let him know we are happy to know him and not try to change him or put any demands on him. There is such a thing as a honeymoon period, and I sure would hate for it to end with something that makes him feel pressured. Do I say nothing? Do I take the chance? How do I get up the nerve when we usually don't talk about anything except dogs, sports, school, work?

Please pray for us. Your suggestions are also welcome. Thanks.

[lkwelch]

If you pray and have others pray with you that God will guide you in this situation, he will. Open your heart and let him guide you in the way that will work and be appropriate. God has brought the two of you together at this point for a reason, let God guide you in that reason. He will. Listen.
God Bless
Leah

[pharrell45]

Birthmom to LDA,

How terrible for you to learn what you have. As a Christian
I have always prayed for my daughter. I was assured by
my adoption agency 34 years ago that she would be placed
in a Christian home and have trusted thru the years that
this was the case. I have a search angel working on my
search and feel that we are closing in on finding my
daughter now. I will pray for you and especially for your
son. I always believed that God would allow me to see
her again some day, even though it may be in eternity and
I have faith that God will answer my prayer. Keep trusting
in God's faithfulness to answer your prayers.

[A_mothers_love]

To not believe in god doesnt mean you do not believe in a higher power, or have spiritual belief, not everyone is brought up with bible in hand, I could in a sense say I do not believe in god because I do not attend church nor do I believe in what someone deems to be the written work of such a god. but I do have spiritual belief, I do believe in a higher power. I do not believe in heaven or hell just because they are only places in minds of many. I believe that god is in everything the winds the water the trees, mother earth, in all things good. I do not chose to idol someone long dead, I will not believe that jesus stated we must follow his words, for these written passages to are written by man flesh and blood. I do not believe that if I "sin" I will be cast into hell, for didnt Jesus state that everyone will be forgiven?
Hugs
Melissa

[VirginiaStegall]

I feel your pain in reading your post.
As a Christian, I believe in the power of prayer. As you continue to pray asking God to show your son the way and hope he will see you as an example of the Christian life and want what you have.
I have adult children who are believers but, not walking with God. I pray for them everyday. I also pray that the daughter I gave up 32 years ago will forgive me and if she chooses to find me, it will be her decision and God's will.

I will pray for you and your son.
Virginia

[bmom-to-LDA]

A private attorney (the one who was handling my parents divorce at the time) promised that he knew the perfect family. They were Christians and they had 2 other young children, so he'd have siblings to grow up with, bla bla. I think he even said the adad was a surgeon. Turns out none of this was true. In fact, the afather was a known drug dealer. The children were a 14 year old daughter and a 20 year old son, who was in prison. So, he didn't grow up with siblings. By the time he was 4, the sister got married. The attorney made quite a "transaction fee" for my son. What a mess - not at all what I was promised.

Despite all this, he did turn out pretty well. He seems to have a good heart and work ethic, etc. He wasn't aware of the drug dealings, at least not consciously. His amom is a manic depressant, doesn't drive, etc. But again, I do think he felt love. He actually considers their lying to him as equating to their love and fear of losing him. I try not to judge their reasons.

It is sad, however, that they know he has a full-blood brother and sister who wanted to know him as well as a bmom who wanted to share medical history, etc., and they still chose to keep up the lie.

But, God promises to restore what the locusts destroyed and to turn the bad into good for all that love and trust Him. So, I will just keep praying and appreciate your prayers for my son's salvation and happiness and healthiness.

To all bmoms like the one above, I would encourage you to search. You can never know why your bchild hasn't sought you out yet. Maybe they don't even know they were adopted. Or, maybe they were told you are deceased. Who knows. Also, it is not easy to search, not even if you are the adoptee. Some states and courts just make it so difficult. For people in their 20s and 30s and even older, they just have so much going on in their lives that they can't find the time to put in as much effort as is required in a search. It took me literally 5-10 hours a day for almost a year.

Thanks again.

[lkwelch]

I know this is off the topic and subject of this area. But I just want to responde to A-Mothers-Love, athiest.
Please do not take this out of disrespect in any way. I am not being rude, I simply feel I must say a couple of things.
You have every right as a human being and American to believe as you wish. So I will not disrespect that. I just want to make a few points.
You do not have to go to church to believe in God. It is not about religion or church it is about God and the bible. You say you have never been to church, mabey just check it out some day.
The bible was written by men of flesh and blood. God gave these men the words and wisdom to write the things they wrote. They wrote quotes of what Jesus said. It is history and things to come that they wrote.
What sort of a higher power do you believe in? It is belief and faith that we all have.
Heaven and hell are written about in the bible. It is sure a better picture to believe in Heaven when you die then to believe you just die!
You are right, God is in all good, he created all things.
Believe me, if you chose to believe in God, you would not be believing in someone dead. He is VERY much alive.
My last and very important thing I have to say.
You do not believe in the bible or following it's words, or that if you "sin" you will go to hell. Yet you DO believe that Jesus said that everyone will be forgiven. You might want to read a little further. It says, "For all have sinned and come short of the glory of God". John 3:16 "For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosover believith in him should not perish but have everlasting life." Melissa, you are forgiven, but you have to believe and you have to ask.
Have you ever tried to pray to God about something? Have you ever tried to open your heart to him? Melissa, you can feel it, you know he is there, it is awesome! He truley answeres prayer!
Thanks and please do not be offended.
Hugs right back to ya!

[lonely sis]

bmom-to-LDA
You said that through a series of miracles you found your son. I think you may be right when you said that this may be why the Lord allowed your son back into your life, but maybe even why he put him back in your life. Give it some time and a lot of prayer. The Lord will give you the chance to speak to him about it when the time is right. The Lord wants to spend eternity with your son also. You have a great opportunity to share the good news of the Lord with your son. You will know when the time is right. The best way to share the news as I'm sure you know, is by your example, so even when you are not talking about it, if it shows, your son will see it. It may, in time open his heart enough to be willing to talk about it. Until then, just let His light shine in you! Lots of prayers heading your way...

[dynamic2003]

MATHEW 21:22 AND ALL THINGS WHATSOVER YE ASK IN PRAYER, BELIEVING, YE SHALL RECEIVE...

GOD HAS NOT BROUGHT YOU THIS CLOSE, THIS FAR, THIS LONG, TO LEAVE YOU NOW...JUST BELIEVE

You are in my prayers and my thoughts......be strong, hold on to "your" faith and God will provide just as he has given you the miracles you received.

Even in man's last and final breath he can be saved.....