[Abdulina]

I am new to this section of the boards. Haven't actually visited the boards in a few years but last night decided to. Maybe I knew what was coming, I don't know. We have been blessed w/ 7 adopted children, all from EE. We have been led to add more children to our family. I have prayed over this for the last year & know this is what we are supposed to do. Agency we used before has been in touch & there are 3 children that really could use our help. All are special needs adoptions that take place. These children are also from EE. Each adoption has been a leap of faith but even more so now w/ this economy & the reaction from relatives. NOT a one ever supported us before. Not a one. We love our kids for who they are & honest to God, I can not even imagine our life w/ out our children. We go places w/ them, do things, etc. A normal life. One is deaf so we use ASL w/ him. No biggie. One is missing a leg, no biggie. 6 have FAS, we deal w/ it. It is our life. We have been told some very, very nasty things over the years. Today, I decided to break the news to my mom, hoping & praying that she would have a change of heart & accept the new kids that would be entering into our lives. She hung up on me after a few choice words. I have prayed for heart to be open to the idea of us adopting again to finish our family. Sad part is, if I were pregnant, this would be a whole other ball game. Teh congrats would come. It's like adoption is second best. My kids(her grandkids) are treated much differently than my sister or brothers' kids are. Even my extended relatives notice this. No pictures of my kids(VERY cute too btw!) & no relationship w/ them. I have to tell them w/ the exception of our teens, every time we see them, who they are. Truly ashame. I do hope they understand what they are missing out on. My dad has never once hugged my children. Even when they asked for it. Now, on top of all this, they are coming here for Thanksgiving along w/ other relatives. I don't want to expose my kids to the negativity & hope it won't come to that. I guess I just need some encouragement that this will indeed get better. Love my famliy. Just hard to accept the things they've said to me. Hard to conceive that someone you love would make you feel so sad. I am trying to focus on the positive & what is to come. My kids waiting half way across the world for someone to love them. I already do.

Any thoughts are welcomed.

[Mommy K]

I am so sorry you are dealing with this... You sound like a beautiful person. As an adults your parents should know better.

We too have had close family members that treated our children as "second best".
Our priority is to our children first...We expect that our family treat our children with respect. We told the relatives with the negative attitudes this. They denied anything was wrong and the behavior toward our kids continued.

As hard as it was to do--we have not communicated with these people in a very long time--there is no way they would be invited to my home for any holiday..It was thier choice to accept our children-and they chose not to-so goodbye & good riddance to them!

You have to put your foot down-if they truly love you, they can "fake it" around your children for your sake. If the relationship ends, it will not be of your doing, it will be thiers.
I am sorry I can't offer words of encouragement that this will get better-it seems it has gone on too long, but you never know. Just have a talk, and tell her how strongly you feel about this Your kids deserve better than this, and to be around folks that celebrate them.
Hugs-

[karaboo]

You do indeed sound like a wonderful person with a beautiful heart. I am so so sorry you are having to go throught this. Children are a gift from God, no matter where they come from, how they look, or how they came into your life. Keep doing what you know is right. You will be in my prayers.

[kretzklan]

Oh my goodness...been wondering where you were and thinking of your family for a VERY long time...quite an update! As for family...hon, you've been doing this with them for over 10 years...if they haven't come around yet, it's probably not going to happen. I would cancel Thanksgiving and let them know why. Especially for special needs kids - adding to that the stress of people who won't hug them. Come on now. My family was not supportive during the process and have removed themselves a bit from our lives, however, they did come around to treat our children equal to my oldest son. None of my three are equal to the grandkids who live nearby (we are 600 miles away)...but that's ok. We do 'only what's neccessary' to have a relationship...for me...sometimes you just can't fight for your old family anymore...you have a family of you own now and they deserve all of you.
I will keep you in my thoughts for strength to deal with this current situation and the pain of the decision that probably has to be made.
Come back...

[Abdulina]

Thanks guys. Yeh, after 10 years, doesn't look like things are changing. Thing is, we have such wonderful, wonderful community support. They're hleping us w/ our next fundraiser next weekend. Huge yardsale & bakesale that hopefully will bring in enough for the homestudy to get started. WE're going to start a fundraising campaign as well. My parents are SO connected it would have been nice to get help w/ fundraising from them but that will not happen. You wouldn't believe how much my kids have grown! Talented too. Great transformations. My two RADishes haven't had an episode in forever. Alyona outgrew her ASD heart condition. Nik is just deaf and NOT going blind. IT goes on & on the great stuff in our life. This situation of these 3 children sort of presented itself to us. We had no intentions of adopting again but God made other plans-- The next 3 we are pursuing are from Bulgaria. A set of 4yo twins & a 2yo little girl. All can really use our help & I just know they'd fit in w/ this bunch. The little girl would be spoiled rotten--LOL. I really wished my family & my husband's family could be a part of this proces but it is not to be I'm afraid. My kids are great kids & I hate this for them. Still we love them to pieces & that's what counts right now. Thanks for the support everyone. It does give me piece of mind.