[Momto3inMO]

Hello! I am in need of advice and prayer, please! My husband and I are the proud parents of 9 and 6yo girls and a 2yo boy. I have felt the Lord's calling for us to adopt for many years, but only recently has it been so heavy on my spirit. My hubby, however, has reservations. They are not about adopting, he thinks he will have no problem loving another child, it is the fact that he says our family is perfect the size it is now. He also looks at the cost of adoption and does not see how we could ever afford it. I have asked God to take away this desire if it is not something we are supposed to do, but the desire never goes away. We are African American, and I know the need is large in our community for adoptive parents. I would like to adopt a baby boy. Has anyone had any similar experiences with a spouse that may not be on the same page? Thanks for your responses and prayers

[mrsred]

If your husbands reservation is strictly due to the high cost of adoption, you may want to investigate the Foster to Adopt program. You may not get a newborn, but there are some very young children in dire need of a loving, permanent family. When you adopt from the foster system, whether through an agency or directly through the state the cost is nominal (in fact, often, due to reimbursements ends of being free). I urge you to check in to this.

[Boulderbabe]

Not only is fost/adopt virtually free, but you can end up with a nice chunk of change to fund the child's college account. Most foster children are considered "special needs" according to the IRS. If they are, you get the entire adoption tax credit ($10,690, if I remember right) back on your taxes, no matter how much the adoption cost you.

My son's adoption netted us about $10K, when all was said and done. I used the money as a down payment on a single family home in a good school district---which would have been impossible for us, without the credit. And when it's time for him to go to college, we'll have enough home equity to draw on to make it possible for him to go wherever his brains and talent can take him.

[BarbaraB]

I agree...you should check out alternatives for adopting through the state where you live. I have known a couple of families who adopted little boys under 2 relatively quickly and at almost no expense. Of course, then there's the expense of feeding another little boy.

When my husband was not on the same page about adopting, the thing that ultimately helped the most was getting him to talk to an adoptive father. Perhaps there is a local foster/adoptive parents group you could contact, or even attend a meeting. He "heard" things from that other dad that I had been saying for months with no result.

Good luck!

Barbara

[mama_again]

Hi momto3inmo, i have to say it wasn't until a few years later that my desire became his passion as well. I wanted to adopt several years ago and he was not ready at all! when i lay it down, it was birthed in his heart stronger as we were asked about an adoption.
It was like the pursuit of my desire became ours. the waiting was long, but now that we are on the same page - it is beautiful!!!
We made it a matter of prayer together and it was like things happened and we are both in together... it is great and worth the wait!
The desire you have is so real and God knows and He sees your heart, His timing is perfect~~~

[Momto3inMO]

Thanks to all of you for your wonderful advice. I know down deep that if the Lord has called me to adopt, He will call my husband as well. I must continue to pray and seek God's timing and not my own (that is always sooo hard for me!!). Thanks also for the info on foster to adopt as well. Seeing as we have three healthy children already, I believe that this may be the road our family will take to add our fourth and final child. Again, thanks for all of the advice and prayer, it has truly helped!