[kim1986]

I was in foster care for the past 8 years of my life. 5 of those years were in a foster home where i was constantly told i would never be anything. They eventually got fired as foster parents. My father faught for custody of me for a year when i was 12 only to be diagnosed with kidney cancer 11 months later. So back to that abusive "home" i went. I have felt alone in this world since i was 10 when i went into foster care.

I am 20 now, i have a 121 IQ. I'm told that im beautiful by so many people. I helped a boy that had a tumor on his knee find a doctor who would help. I know I'm a good person, but I feel like the world has finially beaten me down to nothing emotionally and physically and i just want to die. I'm alone and starving, living in a college dorm trying to make a life for myself. I was 135 lbs a yr ago and now I'm 110. Sometimes when i havent been able to buy food, I eat whatever i have even if its rotting. I had some milk this morning and it made me sick but i was so hungry.

I'm starting to think that i might die and that maybe it wont be such a bad thing for me. Sometimes I just want to end the pain i go thru every day. I feel like no one cares. People tell me im getting so skinny but im too embarrassed to tell anyone bc i dont know anyone well enough to trust them. I just need someone to talk to. I'm so depressed. I cant remember the last time i was happy. maybe when i was 10. Someone please help me...

[Sniffles]

If you’re in trouble, and you need help, please call one of the numbers below to talk to a trained professional who can help you through your time of need.

Helpful Crisis Hotline Phone numbers:

• Suicide Hotlines - 1-800-784-2433 (1-800-Suicide)
• Suicide Prevention Hotline 1-800-827-7571
• BoysTown National Hotline – 1-800-448-3000
• Covenant House Nineline – 1-800-999-9999
• National Runaway Switchboard – 1-800-621-400
• National Child Abuse Hotline – 1-800-792-5200

[lonni]

Please call the hotline as sniffles suggested.They can assist you in finding help. Depression is very treatable and you can be happy again.YES indeed~you are a great person!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Life can feel so wonderful when your depression is under control.
((((((KIM)))))))) That was pretty amazing that you helped that fellow find a Dr.!!!!!!!!! You help others in a kind and loving way. There are so many people who would not have bothered.

[bromanchik]

Also find a local food bank. 211 is a resource help line in many areas that will direct you to resources. Also talk to student services at the college you are attending. There are also services/scholarships for those who age out of foster care. Here's a link to a resource page.
http://www.pbs.org/wnet/agingout/resources.html

Please return here if these resources do not pan out. You are valuable.

[mama_again]

Kimi - I too was told I would not amount to anything, but deep in my heart I knew there was something better for me, I knew there was a purpose and a plan for my life. I held on and pushed on and eventually rose above my circumstances. Is it easy? No, but deep down I know that I was uniquely created for a plan, just like you are. You have got a future and a hope, no matter how bad the past hurts have been. Hold on, cry out and seek help - it is there, for someone to lean, someone to trust even when you don't want to. I know that the pain caused by others is cruel and very much a part of our lives, but seek the help from a friend, possibly a nurse or someone you can confide in on your campus. I work with young people and I know there are a lot of avenues and resources on campuses. Please seek someone out, a nurse, a professor, a student, or even a campus ministry - don't be afraid to be honest with them. In your honesty- just like your post, it can bring healing to your person. I will bring your name before the Lord tonight and be praying for you to have a breakthrough and that the joy will flood your heart. I believe in you even though I do not know you, I know you have purpose.

Here is a number you can Call 1-800-999-9999 Covenant House Hotline-It's confidential,
it's 24/7 Or use this Web site to: Covenant House | Nineline

[mrsred]

kim, everydayy of your life, no matter how awful you felt inside you have been loved. God loves you more than you can ever know, and He wants the best for you. There are agencies to help people in trouble, you just need to reach out. Do this so that some day you can be the one to give the hand to someone in need.God has a plan for you. I am praying for you, that you can reach out to any of the numbers listed above. God's best servants are those that have had to rise up from the ashes. Take what ever help you can get, the pride you are feeling is just the enemies way of trying to keep you down. You will repay what ever kindness you receive one hundred fold.
God loves you and so do I.

[Litterbox]

As others have already advised, there is definitely hope for you. Firstly get help with your depression. See a doctor and / or counsellor. There must be counsellors at school? Also know that God really does love you. He is only waiting for you to come to him. He has been there for me through thick and thin. He is my strongest supporter and he is yours, too. He is on your side and loves you so much! I wish you all the best. Take heart, girl, there is help for you--you just need to take the first step and reach out. I'll be praying for you! - Amber

[mama_again]

Kim, I wanted to check on you this morning and let you know I am still here standing in the gap for you...
May you know the love of your creator today... He cares for you and so do we....

[mj77]

Kim, I too have dealt with depression and feeling hopeless. When you're going through such a pit it is so hard to even believe things can be different. I would pray and feel as God wasn't hearing me. The truth is HE WAS. He was working through others to help me and all I had to do was reach out. This is what you're doing now. Please take the help that's offered. There should be a network of resources for you through any one of those numbers. Once my depression was treated, I saw life so much differently and FELT normal. Honey, there is hope for you. I'm so proud of you choosing to rise above. Saying prayers for you .

[Waiting4Skip]

Kim,
Don't give up, you need to hang in there. You'v been given some great advice here, and people DO care! Please take care of yourself.

[longingtomeetyou]

you sure have given me even more reason to become a foster parent.....oh hon.......i wish you lived closer cause i would bring you in our home .....

im so sry you are suffering........remember hope......you can conquer this!!

reach out for help in your area......just like others have mentioned....most of all reach out to JEsus....plead with him about your situation.....He does know what your going through....

are you born again hon?

[Waiting4Skip]

Are you okay kim?