[momto2gals]

Hello,
We are looking into adding to our family . Poland is a country we are considering. Just wondering if anyone here already had children at home while adopting from Poland and how you handled the travel part. We would want to bring the kids with us if possible, but I'm concerned about how I would entertain 4 kids in Poland for 2 months! If anyone was in this situation, could you share your expereince.

Thanks,
B brach

[momraine]

I had three children at home when we adopted. I admit the hardest part was having my kids away from me. My husband was able to go home after three weeks, but my kids stayed with a friend and a relative during that time and I was gone an additional three weeks. It was really hard on my kids at home. It did give me time to bond with my new son without the other kids needing attention. The cost would have been high to have the other kids with me, plus missing so much school, plus a lot of the time was pretty boring for them. Not to mention that because we live in Texas we would have had to buy winter gear for my kids, they don't own clothes for really cold weather.

[lastpaige]

A caveat - please know that this experience and opinion is coming from a very conservative family who feels strongly about this. You need to research and decide what is best based on the needs and operations of YOUR family. If my thoughts don't jive for you, then that's OK!

We have two bio daughters who were 9 and 11 when we travelled to Poland for our sons. We could not imagine leaving any of our children on the other side of the Atlantic, be it our daughters at home, or sons who had already been ‘left behind’, so a separation was not an option for us. We did it in one marathon trip.

The Judge said that we had to be alone during the first 10 days of bonding. So – we all flew to Florida, left the girls with my in-laws, and then my husband and I flew on to Wroclaw. 10 days later my in-laws brought the girls to us in Poland.

Our facilitator had a series of cows (standard operating procedure) and raved about how complicated this would make things. It didn’t complicate anything that had anything to do with her or the team in Wroclaw. Actually, it impressed the judge that we weren’t willing to leave the boys in Wroclaw, or our girls in the U.S., and she thus waved a bunch of bureaucracy (appeal time, additional court date, etc.) for us. It was amazing.

While I was originally miffed about a 10 day separation, it really did work for the best. The boys took 200% of what we had those first 10 days, and then 90% of what we had for the next few months. Had the girls been with us from the start, they would have been sick from the time/environment/climate change, immediate fast pace and emotional exhaustion, with their parents having nothing to offer them. The separation was hard, but that 10 day head start we had with the boys turned out to be a blessing.

Entertaining our 4 was no problem. The boys had enough to learn (how to brush teeth, snuggle, wash hands, obey, trust, etc.) to keep them busy. There were plenty of parks everywhere we went, and there is always shopping to do, and walking around the city. We kept easy quiet things for “down time”, construction paper, glue sticks, play dough, books, match box cars, uno and the like. We travelled once the adoption was final, visiting Poznan, Lodz, Krakow, and Warsaw.

Since we don’t participate in a school system, missing ‘school’ was no problem for us. Actually, we had just finished studying the Second World War and had read some excellent books on the subject. None the less, the girls got a better education during our stay and travel in Poland than they did in the pages of such fabulous books. History, language, Polish grammar, orphanage management, customs, geography, logistics, currency exchange, diplomacy, court etiquette, using a translator correctly, travel security, about the Embassy, etc.

I can do nothing buy highly recommend that you move heaven and earth to bring your children with you. If it means bringing another family member to care for them for the first 10 days or so, then so be it.

Stepping off the Soap Box Now!

[mschaefer]

We too brought our son with us when we adopted of girls. Our son was almost 5 y.o. at the time and the twins just turned 2 y.o. We brought my MIL with us, which is very needed in the beginning. While it was recommended we travel alone, we never experienced resistence when we chose to bring our son. Our judge was also very happy to find out that our son travelled with us and felt it a critical part of the bonding process (this opinion may not be the same for all judges). We truly believe both the girls adjusted and my son's adjustment were made easier during the first week as young children have a way of connecting regardless of language, culture, etc.

My husband and son did return home with my MIL after 3 weeks and my father flew over to help me the for 2 weeks, then my husband returned and my son stayed with my parents during our final week. While I truly missed my son for 3 weeks, he did fine at home "preparing" for his sisters arrival and telling everyone about them. It also allowed me more 1:1 time with our new daughters without being pulled in other directions. My father was the perfect help -- got groceries, helped carry the stroller down the steps to go for a walk, but did not interfere with more daily care and bonding.

My son did great. Even in the middle of winter, we found things to do daily for fresh air and the kids frequently entertained each other. Everything was new for the girls. We did try to keep a routine which worked very well for everyone -- including Mom, who needed the nap

Each family needs to assess their own situation. You know what is best for you. But I would second lastpaige's soapbox -- we would definitely advocate for finding help to bring your children if you feel strongly that bringing them is best for your family.

[momraine]

I agree you have to do what's best for your family. For us we had no relatives willing to help and our children were in school, two of them older so it's harder to make up stuff you miss in high school and Junior high. If I had to do it again I would take my daughter with me. The boys did fine as they were old enough to understand and did not want to miss school, but dd missed me a lot. We ended up having to do a lot of traveling in small cars (he was moved to another orphanage right before we came, so we had to get him from one, ride with a bunch of nuns to another one which took all day, and then go back later to the first area to get his passport and other documents, etc) All that traveling would not have been easy for us if we had to take the wheelchair and four kids, the cars were too small. To be totally honest we went into debt to do the adoption at all and we knew that there would be additional expenses when we got home. (3000.00 was our share for his wheelchair, and we had to buy a van to haul it and such) So the added cost of three more plane tickets and such, there is no way we could afford it. It just was too much. I was also very lucky to have a very close friend that I totally trusted.

[lastpaige]

Yes, we are also going to be paying off the home equity loan that funded the adooption/trip for a very long time.

No regrets, but that doesn't mean it's easy working to pay that big loan off!

[jessipea]

Tell me about paying it off! We use Dave Ramsey's program to help us pay it off!

I entertained three kids in Poland for 2 months...they were the kids I adopted, but it wasn't hard to entertain them. It was harder on the adults I think!

Good luck!