[7ducks]

Hi all,
We got here last monday, and traveled to the city of Bialystok on Tuesday. We met our new daughter on Tuesday, and let us take her out the next day at noon. We've had her since. Bonding is going slowly to be honest. I can't say anything about her online (so we've been told), but I'll just say we are having major sleep issues, and they are due to her disability.

One concern we have is court day (as well as visitation by the orphanage people). When we first arrived at the orphanage, we felt basically interrogated as to why we wanted to adopt a sixth child (especially one with a disability). Also, they questioned us AT LENGTH as to why we homeschool. They seemed very negative towards us. I don't think they liked that we said we went to a Baptist church instead of a Catholic church.

It just didn't seem like they liked us all that much. We brought our children with us too, and I think we might be the first family to ever do that, based on their reaction to it. Our children were there when we were being questioned, and it should have been obvious to them that they are well adjusted, sweet, calm children. One would think they would be happy we would want to bring the rest of the family for this important time. They did seemed pleased with how our new daughter responded to everyone on that first meeting day, so that is good at least. They were concerned that our big family would be too much, and too stimulating for her.

Anyway, we are concerned with what the judge will think. The fact that the orphanage staff was negative towards us can't have a good impression on the judge. Also, when they come for their visits to observe us, we are no going to lie and tell them everything has been going great. If we are honest with them, and tell them that she is having trouble sleeping, etc., will they hold this against us too?

Have you heard of judges turning down an adoption? I'm honestly wondering if we'll "pass".

Thanks for any thoughts.

[mama08]

How exciting! Congrats to you and your family! I have not heard of judges saying no to an adoption. Does your new daughter have a guardian from the orphanage? That was who represented our son at court when we were there. She supported the adoption going through. I hope the bonding & sleeping gets better for eveyone (I'm sure it will).

[Kama]

Do not worry! But it is easier said than done . I also had major worries and I am Polish born, practicing Catholic, etc. etc. etc. You are probably quite exhausted and emotionally overwhelmed too. Do not dwell on the issue of religion, try to be positive about it. Yes, it may be that some Poles prefer Polish kids going into Catholic families, it is an overwhelmingly Catholic nation. However, we also have Baptists in Poland (I did lots of medical interpreting for Polish Baptists in the United States). Why do not you find out a little bit about it and when asked about your religion say kindly something like: "We are not Catholic, but we are Christian too, Baptists. I have heard that there are some Baptists in Poland too." Just do not make an issue of it, and I am sure nobody will either. And, Catholics home-school as well, especially in the U.S. You may also mention that, but lightly, just do not make too much out of it. You can say your Polish friend told you (I am the Polish friend from adoption board ).

In any case, although I have heard about VERY RARE cases of denials of adoption by Judges, it is exactly that, RARE (I know of one case from my lawyer in PL). Just be confident. The fact that you brought all your family there shows your commitment. You have nothing to worry about.

As for bonding being slow, that is of course completely normal (in some cases, it seems quick, but that may only be the first impression, the problems sometimes start later). Again, this was also my experience with healthy kids whose language I spoke perfectly . Good luck and keep us posted. And your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.


p.s. By the way, how do you find Bialystok? I have never visited but am curious about it. Do you have a blog? best wishes,

[momraine]

Your post brings back memories. I also adopted a child with a disability, and he was only my fourth, but in Poland it seems even four is a big family. The judge we saw had done only one foreign adoption ever. She had never seen a family adopt a disabled child and that seemed odd to her. Both orphanages (he was transferred shortly before we got him, but court was in the town of the old one so we visited both) they both specialized in special children and niether had ever had a child adopted. Our court was long and quite the nailbiter because a week before the judge had the gardian take our son to see her alone and he told her he did not want to be adopted. I was able to convince the judge, but the gardian and the court appointed supervisor both were on our side and talked about how a six year old was too young to make decisions about his life and that he did not understand what was at stake. I already had one child with a similar disability who was adopted and so that helped. The fact that I was not catholic was not helpful, but in the end the fact that we are Christian was enough. Our bonding was difficult too. Our son had never been in a family as he was abandoned at birth and so the whole concept was new to him. I did write a letter to the judge before we went on the advice of our facilitator which she had transferred and delivered to the judge with the paperwork. It must have helped because she said she would not read it in court because it would make everyone cry. (I mostly talked about my daughter and the children I know with disabilities like my son) In the end it was OK and he has been home over a year and a half and is doing very well. We did get some counseling at home, but that helped all of us. He now loves having a family and says when he grows up he wants to see that all his friends in the orphanage get families too. (I don't think he realizes that if he is an adult they will be too, LOL) I will keep you guys in my prayers. We did not bring our other children because we were told not to, plus it would have been so expensive. Anyway, expect to be grilled again in court. I testified for far longer than my husband did. Keep us updated so we can keep praying.

[mama08]

7ducks,
How are you doing? I hope things are getting smoother for your family :-) When is your court day scheduled for?
Keep us posted.
Kelly

[7ducks]

Hi Kelly,
Things are going a little better. She is sleeping a little better now. It helps to have her in the bed with my husband and I. Our court date is May 20. We'll see how that goes. I'm still nervous about the whole thing.

Bialystok is beautiful. The country is very post-card like. The people that own the hotel where we are staying are extremely generous. They offered to not charge us for our food while here! That's a big deal, as dinne alone would cost us $50 a night for our large family. Amazing huh? We've been blessed!

[mama08]

That is generous I'm glad the sleeping is getting better. I hope that everyday gets better & better for your family.

I cried through the entire court hearing. It's a little funny looking back, but it was such a long road & emotional process! Not sobbing mind you, but crying with tissues & sniffles. I think the judge asked our facilitator if I was upset. Nope....just relieved & thankful.

I don't think there's much anyone else can say to help you be less anxious about court. Just know that so many have gone before you and are thinking of you & praying for you & your family.

Kelly

[lastpaige]

Yeah for lovely hotel managers!

Marked your court date on the calendar, will be praying for smooth and calm!

[Kama]

I am glad you are experiencing kindness! 20 May is a great date - it is my wedding anniversary. Will keep you in my prayers.

Originally Posted by 7ducks

Hi Kelly,
Things are going a little better. She is sleeping a little better now. It helps to have her in the bed with my husband and I. Our court date is May 20. We'll see how that goes. I'm still nervous about the whole thing.

Bialystok is beautiful. The country is very post-card like. The people that own the hotel where we are staying are extremely generous. They offered to not charge us for our food while here! That's a big deal, as dinne alone would cost us $50 a night for our large family. Amazing huh? We've been blessed!

[mschaefer]

Just tuning in....I'm so excite that you have your daughter and that things are starting to settle. Our girls had some sleep issues while we were in Poland, but have done great since being at home in good size cribs and a quiet room -- as opposed the hotel

What a generous hotel! We will continue to pray for a smoothe court date next week.