[yusen]

What are some of the ways people get their children to eat thier Dinner's?,, If you prepare food for them to eat,, and they do not eat,,at least half or all of it,, what are the re-percussions??
Do you prepare something else for them to eat,,? Do you make them sit there til they are finished??,, Do you take privelages away?? I need help on this issue,, and I am sure other's do as well...!

[lastpaige]

When our girls pulled the fussy/picky stunt, we did this . . .

First we put them on a high quality multi-vitamin/mineral.

We cook dinner, put very small portions on the children’s plates, and they are to eat it all. We do not prepare something else to eat, as we are a family, not a restaurant. We eat leisurely and in a relaxed, unhurried manner. BUT if there is a pokey eater and the rest of us are done and she’s clearly poking around, dinner is over. What’s left on the plate is covered up and put in the fridge. The next morning for breakfast, Mr. Picky or Miss Pokey gets to eat the rest of their dinner for breakfast, cold. If they did not eat it during breakfast time, back into the fridge it went, and out it came for snack or lunch.

There was no getting angry, no pleading, no begging them to eat, no “It would make Mommy so happy”, nothing that puts the child back in control. Just a short and simple explanation of the rules, and quietly carrying them out and being consistent. If the girls got whiney about cold food, we just remind them itt was their decision, not ours, to not eat dinner at dinner time.

This is a control/discipline/manners issue. This puts the parents in control. The children are being disciplined to eat what’s in front of them (very helpful later when you have dinner elsewhere – the children have been trained to eat nicely and won’t quickly balk when Aunt so and so puts something weird on their plates). And it teaches good manners – respect for the feelings of whomever has prepared the meal (although I’d bring this up later. Right now they may not care about someone’s feelings, and they just need to simply obey!).

If you need a reward, perhaps if they eat their dinner nicely tonight, they get to help mom with dinner tomorrow night. (Pick and cook one of the vegetables to have with dinner, set the table, make the salad, whatever they can do.) If they go a week with perfectly cleared plates, they get to plan an entire dinner. I wouldn’t offer food itself as a reward (a piece of cake if you clear your plate), as that teaches the child to clear the plate for selfish motives rather than to clear it because they’re obeying Mom and Dad and showing respect for the cook.

Hang in there, and remember, they are NOT going to starve!

[NJNative]

DO NOT force a child to eat dinner or anything else. It encourages them to ignore their own stomach and eat when they are not hungry. That can lead to obesity later in life. Teaching children to "clean their plates" is a very bad idea.

My advice (and that of many experts) is to prepare dinner, put some their plates and make them sit there until dinner is over. If they eat, they eat, if they don't, they don't. See you at the next meal. Just make it clear that there will not be snacks in between. Personally, I always try to make sure there is something on the plate that I know they like. Not crazy about meat, but if the kid likes potatoes, then they can eat that. (In fact, my 16 year old ate only mashed potatoes and corn the other night because he wasn't in the mood for roast chicken.)

No healthy child will starve him or herself. When they are hungry, they will eat. And toddlers in particular don't really NEED that much food in a day (their stomach is only the size of their fist). They eat more than it might appear when it's only a bite here and another bite there.

Why would you ever punish a child for not eating? Do YOU eat when you are not hungry or if you don't like the food served? I know I don't.

I strongly suggest speaking with your pediatrician about this, and reading some books on the subject.

Robin

[Mom2_4]

Hi,

I have to disagree with lastpaige and NJNative here. Two of my kids were starving themselves when we got them. Kids who have been instutionalized are often not "healthy" and will act counter to what is normal and healthy.

Two of our three Polonia were underweight. I don't mean skinny. I mean underweight. E at age 7 was 3 percent for height and 0 percent for weight. D was negative 15 for weight and negative 5 for height.

We had a policy that you had to have all of what on the first plate and then you can have seconds of whatever you'd like.

E's problems with eating, we found out as time went by, were largely due to hidden dental problems. Once these were addressed, E started eating fine ~~ with just coaxing to drink milk. His stats at his last physical were 5 percent for height and 20 percent for weight. He is very lean and well muscled. We think that a large part of the weight gain was from calcium finally entering the bones in a signifant fashion.

D's eating issue are deep and predate her living at the orphanage. Her medical records verify that she was more than likely a failure to thrive baby.

With D, it often took a hour at each meal to make sure she ate enough. We started kid movies at night an hour after the meal, so if you ate slow, you didn't get to see the movie.

And she fought every pound. After more than year of this fighting, I cried at the doctors and he prescribed her a medicine that is an antihistimine but also gives normal people an overwhelming appetite. With her, it gives her a more normal appetite.

After all this, her stats are 15 percent both height and weight. Her HC stats also increased.

Now that we've been home for a while (2.5 years), we now can do what lastpaige suggests. But know everyone is on the charts and everyone knows that you can't throw food on the floor or try to throw it in the garbage when Mum or Dad's back is turned.

We also don't run a resturant. We do account for some dislikes such as M the youngest and R the bio Boy don't like Tomatoes, so they get Carrots instead for their veggie.

But you don't serve snacks if you find that it cuts into meals or if they try to wait you out at meals and then try to score a snack later.

[Mom2_4]

As a side note, feeding your child, especially feeding your child nutritious food, is a one of the more nurturing and loving things a mother can do. So when your adoptive children reject the food you’ve made with love, it is natural and normal to feel a bit rejected.

But you have to understand that your kids and my kids were available for adoption because of their rough rocky start. Just like they don’t quite know how to be in a loving family, they neither have a normal or healthy relationship with food. You have to teach them these things and often with older kids that is like trying to bathe a bob cat.

So if you have just pain in the neck fussy eaters, you can do what lastpaige says. If you have kids with true eating issues like I did., I’d be happy to talk to you more about it. We worked closely with both our kids doctors and our social worker on this issue.

[Jasiu]

Our 8 yr old recently adopted son has been refusing to eat what we put in front of him, but we have learned to simply tell him that this is what is for dinner and otherwise he can have a piece of bread. Over the past couple of weeks, he has at least tried new foods (such as lasagna), but prior to that he just assumed he did not like something and would not even try. We do not serve ready meals, but have been serving simple foods, such as mashed potatoes with ground meat cutlets, hot dogs (there is a particular brand that they like - a major one that I probably cannot mention here). They have liked mashed potatoes (with lots of butter) and baby carrots have been popular as well for a veggie. We have also made potato pancaces (Polish style, served with sugar on top) and that was a hit as well. Our son's behavior at dinner table has improved (although he is still picky). His favorite dish is Ramen noodle soup (hey, that is great, it costs like 10 cents!), which he gets once in a while if he has been eating or at least trying other things. So, I guess, my advice is to serve simple dinners. Also, if the child misbehaves (fusses, whines, etc.) at the dinner table they are told that we will not have this kind of behavior at dinner, and they have to go to their room. In general, not just at dinner table, we try to ignore whining and acting up (unless they talk back and escalate) and not paying attention seems to have sent a message and improved behaviors in general.

[hybell]

Ditto Mom2_4.

My nearly 5 year old son came home at 24lbs. He refused all food and drink and was perfectly willing to starve himself. He was doing a pretty good job of it, actually.

He is also on an antihistamine to give him a normal appetite. He receives a nutritional supplement (ensure plus) on a daily basis, in addition to his daily vitamin. These are non-negotiables, so I know that he has had a minimum of nutrition on any one day.

We are very careful that what we serve is not going to aggravate his sensory issues to the extreme, and is not beyond a reasonable amount for him to eat. Our nutritionist and OT regularly consult with us about this. Dinner is actually not the worst battlefield for us - that would be lunch and breakfast. We require time spent at the breakfast table, and that a vitamin and juice be eaten before school. I don't touch the lunch battle, although it becomes the after school snack when it comes home.

That said, not eating dinner has two major consequences:
1) Half the experience of a family dinner is the family. He is still expected to sit at the table and be pleasant.
2) If he has not eaten dinner, we assume he is absolutely exhausted, and he is sent straight to bed. Plenty of caring hugs and kisses on the way, but nothing else happens between dinner and bed.

So he is always welcome to let us know that he is just too exhausted to eat, but that is his choice. And he will still be subjected to our company

Again - Mom2_4 and I are both facing the extreme control battle version of not eating. Picky eaters are a different ballgame entirely.

[momraine]

My son is like Hybells. He can go days without a bite. It's all a control issue. He is not getting enough calories to grow. He is very very small for his age. He was a premie but also is just a tiny little thing. He now is refusing to eat or drink anything so we are working on that, though last night he loved some meatballs I got (they are frozen too, so they were easy to add to the meal, they come in a bag and though I can't say the brand, they are homestyle, the same brand makes itallian ones as well. He loves the homestyle ones. I cooked them in a frying pan with a little oil to add calories to them for him. We are fighting to not have a tube put in him. Now he is refusing even foods he ate before. This was a problem they had in the orphanage as well and had him seeing a phycologist about. You have to know your child. My daughter was in an orphanage in Russia where they had food shortages, she learned to ignore her stomach there. So she has to be reminded to eat. She does not notice normal hunger cues at all. She walks with two prosthetic legs which uses way more calories than a normal kid. (they doctor said if you want to know what it's like, strap ankle weights onto each leg and then walk on stilts) she is amazing though and she dances and runs and jumps. she just needs reminders to eat or at least have her pediasure. My oldest is on medication that means he is hungry only in the morning and evening. He eats a humongous breakfast and normal dinner. And little or no lunch. My second son eats anything that doesn't eat him first, and it shows on his body which is starting to look like mine. My youngest is having the control issues. It's funny I am buying skim milk for one kid and half and half for another. LOL

[yusen]

I appreciate all the Insight. I wanted to just take a census,, My husband came home from work the other day,, and he said his co-workers ripped him a new one,, for having the children eat what was on the plate,, and didnt make them something else to eat, aside of what we were having. Such as Pizza, Ramen noodles, They could eat that everyday. I have wrapped their food.. and put it aside til the following Dinner. They are also not allowed to have any snacks, I make a balance Dinner every night,, I just want them to get all the nutrients and such, The last couple of nights,, all of my Children have eaten very, very well, without incident, The negotiation's have stopped, because I think they realize, they dont want what they leave on thier plate's, to be on thier plates the next day!
Everyone Here sounds like Great Parent's to thier Children

[momraine]

That's pretty much what I do with my normal kids. You just have to change things if you have a kid with eating issues. My oldest two when they were small knew you eat what is served or you get nothing till the next meal. I do always try to have one food they each like on the table. I also don't usually serve foods one of them hates. One can't stand sqash so if I serve it, I also have another veggie and they can choose. I don't make seperate meals though. Each family is different and every kid is different so we each have to come up with how to parent our kids in a way that works best for us.

[lastpaige]

Yes, of course there are issues (plenty), like Mom 2 4 has discussed. Keep in mind, I'm talking about my bio children trying to manipulate Mom, NOT children who have serious eating disorders.