[texasmommie]

Hello,
My husband and I had been planning on starting our adoption process last year after the birth of our second daughter. The doctor recommends that I have no other children, a long story. Anyway, I am adopted myself and was so looking forward to the process. We had chosen Poland because of the health and vitality of the lovely children. Then, one evening when my husband was driving home from a world series game, he was pulled over and ticketed for DUI. The limit is extremely low here in TX and he was barely over. Other than this, he has never done a thing wrong, not even run a red light. I feel like everything is completely ruined for the adoption. Eventhough the ticket is most likely going to be thrown out of court, I think the arrest is still going to be on the record. I have read other places that they make sure you have not committed violent crimes against children. Believe me, my husband hasn't drank anything except Dr. Pepper since this happened. Can anyone offer me any advice before we start the process only to be turned down? Also, what is the difference between a facilitator and an agency? I really don't mind doing the legwork myself, if we can get to that point. Thanks and love to you all for opening your home to an adopted child, the texasmommie aka the texasadoptedbaby

[momraine]

I would advise waiting until the court case is over before you do anything. If it is thrown out of court then you will probably be fine. The wording for us was have you ever been convicted. If he has not yet been convicted it may be too soon to worry. However, if he is then it might. Oh and if you do continue one bit of advice. When it comes to the homestudy, don't make excuses. Don't tell her that the limit is low in texas (it's actually about average, I live here too), Do not tell her anything but how it was a stupid thing to do, and he will never do it again and he was wrong. The social worker may be someone like me who knows someone who was killed by someone who was barely over the limit. (my sisters best friend lost several members of her family, including her baby sister and her mother when she was 7 and a person hit thier van, the man it turned out was barely over the limit, but his excuses could not bring back those family members)

[texasmommie]

Thank you for responding. I do not believe that there will be a conviction, but if it does come up in some other way, do you think that at least the right thing to say was that he has learned a valuable life lesson by this. My husband is thankful everyday that no one was hurt, but he realizes that someone may well have been, and this has taught him that this was wrong to do. I in no way meant to make excuses for him, just trying to give the scenario and explain that the mistake he has made has made him a better person. Again, thanks so much for your reply and congratuations on your adoptions. Also, could you clarify the difference between a facilitator and an agency?

[momraine]

I am so glad you were not offended, I worried about that after I posted, but I always wanted people to be honest with me. I think if he is not convicted you are clear, otherwise be very upfront. This is one of the questions they asked us in court. So it may be a problem.
A facilitator helps you with the stuff in Poland, an agency doest two things, one they help you find the facilitator, and two they help you with the paperwork you must do on this side. Some countries will not allow you to work with just facilitators, also you have to be careful to find a reputable one. Also if you don't have an agency it cuts the number of children available to you. There are three adoption centers in Poland, and at least one (Catholic) will only work with agencies, and then only a very few.

[texasmommie]

Lorraine,
Oh, no, not offended one bit. I am sure others that viewed thought I was nuts for putting out so much personal info. I'm just a Mom longing for a son of my own and wanting to adopt one since I was an adopted child. Do you know of anyone reputable to request info from, a facilator, I mean? And how did you do yours, independent or agency? I know we aren't supposed to name names of people, so you could PM me, if you know. Also, do you know of any books or publications where I could get more info on the process? I'm a librarian and haven't been able to locate any books. I would like to be well informed to get started after the ticket is cleared up. Once again, thanks for responding. You are the only one kind enough to have responded and I truly appreciate it. My name is Regina, by the way. I don't think I told you that before. We outside of Houston. I noticed that you just brought a new child home in November. I am sure your holidays will be truly blessed. Once again, thanks so much for all your help. Regina