[Skyflower]

Hello,
I read in an earlier post someone said that you may have to be in country for up to 6 weeks. Even if it is just 2 weeks I'd really like to bring our bio dd (she's 8) with us both for sibling bonding and because the idea of being without her for 2 weeks makes me physically ill (though I'm sure my parents would practically kill to get to have her for that long). Does the Polish government look down on that? Wouldn't they want the children to bond with their new sibling? I'm going to talk to the agencies we're considering about it but any advice from those in the know (you guys are such a treasure!) would be most appreciated!
Thanks.
Kim

[lastpaige]

I've heard that it depends on the judge who presides over the region from which you will be adopting.

We are in a similar situation, as we are home educators and are not accustomed to leaving our children for lengths of time. We are praying hard that we all get to go, and will appeal to the judge if at first refused. (Not to the point of making trouble – but our family is important to us. Leaving any of our children on either side of the Atlantic without one of us is a nauseating thought.) If so, our bio daughters (8 and 10) will stay with me (and the new children) in Poland during the processing time, and my husband will return to bring us all home.

[Anita]

We had wanted to bring our bio daughter however we were strongly discouraged from doing so on the first trip. The second trip it would have been acceptable.

The reason was that it is not fair to the orphan child. It could interfer with the bonding process between parent and child.

[momraine]

We were discouraged mainly because the judge wants us to be bonding with our new child. There does not seem to be any worry about children bonding with each other. Also other issues to consider, at least for us were the cost of more airline tickets, and our facilitator did not have a vehicle that could hold more people. (sounds silly, but most cars in Poland are small) For us the cost would have just been so prohibitive, though our kids will love it. Also the fact that I am only making one trip would mean that the kids would either be there with me for six weeks or they would go home with dh after three, but that would still have them there for the bonding, which is when the judge wants us one on one or actually two on one with our new son. We almost did not choose Poland because of this.

[PolishMom]

Our experiences have been a bit different than the others posted here. Both times we adopted in Poland, we were required by the courts to bring our other children along. (The first time it was only our bio son, the second time it was our bio son and our adopted son). The first adopted bonding period took place in June/July so school was not a problem. Last year though, for the second adoption, we had to take the boys out of school for almost 4 weeks. The courts then allowed me to fly them home to get back into school and they were fought over by all their Grandparents!

I think it really depends on the region and your specific situation. Both times we were told by the judge that it wasn't just my husband and I adopting a child, it was the entire family adopting and that they wanted to make that the whole family would adjust and bond.

[Skyflower]

Thank you all so much for your responses. I guess a lot is dependent on the judge. Personally I agree with Polishmom's judge that it is the whole family adopting. I also think it's important for our bios to have a true understanding of their new siblings culture. Of course we would do things at home but it's not the same as firsthand experience. We're going to have to do a lot of thinking I guess before we commit to Poland because four weeks without my dd is not possible for me. I could do one, two would be VERY difficult but I could NEVER leave her for longer than that and unfortunately from the posts I've read it seems like 4 weeks is more the norm than two. I guess we'll see. Thanks again.
Kim

[hanula]

Originally Posted by PolishMom

we were required by the courts to bring our other children along.

We too!
We had to take our bio son out of school for 2 weeks (plus 2 weeks Easter holiday)

Originally Posted by PolishMom

Both times we were told by the judge that it wasn't just my husband and I adopting a child, it was the entire family adopting and that they wanted to make that the whole family would adjust and bond.

It has been very important time for all of us Very difficult... and very important...