[jessipea]

Most of you know that we did not accept a referral at the beginning of August. Not that we expected a referral right away after that, but does anyone have opinions on how long another referral would take or how long you waited between referrals...or even how many referrals you got before you accepted?

You can PM me or get my e-mail from my blog...see below!

[manatus]

I was just about to post this very question!! Logically I know there are so many variables that factor in - but I would very much appreciate and insights anyone can give. It is getting particularly hard to be patient with the holidays fast approaching.

Thanks!

[Anita]

In my experience, the second referral took about 5 months, and we had to decline because of possible FAS symptoms. The third referral we had been waiting about 8 more months and then I lost my nerve and stopped the process.

[YTS]

We are at the 5 month mark past our first referral. We declined the first case due to some challenging issues. I hope 5 is the magic number!

[jessipea]

We didn't think it would be the next month or anything...but 5 months. We were kinda holding our breath for 2 months since we got the first referral after about one month! Oh well...I guess God has a plan and I need to be patient. I guess going to a two-year's old birthday party is not the best idea when you are trying to be patient for kids of your own!

Jess

[yusen]

,,Jess I hope you do go to a 2 year old's party, Yes the waiting is hard,,Trust me it will happen when you are busy with something else on your mind..My referral came on a Saturday mid-afternoon, My caller ID stated Private number ,, I assumed is was a Solicitor,,I listened to the message ,,, it was our Agency, Pictures were sent to my Email,, we had a referral. We never expected it on a Saturday!! So Yes think about your referral's,, But also lead your day's as normal...
I wish you All the Wind's to blow to your Phone or Computer's,,with the new's you all have been waiting for..

[MN_Mom]

We are also at the 5 month mark from our first referral. Although, I have to admit, our first referral came very quickly in the process. Our dossier had only been in Poland for about a month. It is helpful to know that others are feeling the same anxiety we are!

Best,
Sarah

[lastpaige]

Oh - the '5 Month' club! Shall we design some jackets?

Patience patience patience.

Had to laugh - I've been systematically cleaning every room in my house top to bottom, and then thought about Amy's comment in 5000 Miles - "Maybe I'm nesting!"

Off to another day of waiting . . .

[Jasiu]

Jessi,

I know others have responded, but I thought I would add something. As far as I remember your first referral was not really official (that is, you did not receive any information other than the ages, etc.)? Based on our experience many adoptive parents working through agencies get such "referrals" early on that are really questions "would you consider..." and not referrals properly speaking. Some get them even before their paperwork is received in Poland. We suspect that agencies try to show the applicants that they are working really hard and create the sense of good will and immediacy in the process. I am not trying to be cynical here, as these referrals may be real, but they usually seem to be outside of what the parents requested (age, gender, health status, number of children, etc.). In reality, the agencies have some but not much control over the children who are available at the moment and by every account there are fewer children available than in the past. The reasons have been covered on this forum. Poles adopt the younger ones, especially if it is one child or two siblings. Since, as far as I remember, you are open to a sibling group of 3, this may be easier to do and the wait may not be very long. On the other hand, you are not very flexible on their ages and I know of many young Poles residing in Poland who accept referrals for 3 year olds, because younger referrals take increasingly long (1-2 years) even for them. At the court in Warsaw, we just saw a 13 yr old girl being adopted by a French couple. The child was young, but had a very low birth weight and seemed to have other health issues, so this is usually how younger children become available for foreign adoption.

Having said all that, you really have not waited long compared to other couples on the forum! A perfect referral for you may be coming soon and we wish this for you. It is not easy to wait, but it is well worth it in the end. Best wishes to you and to all who are waiting.

Originally Posted by jessipea

Most of you know that we did not accept a referral at the beginning of August. Not that we expected a referral right away after that, but does anyone have opinions on how long another referral would take or how long you waited between referrals...or even how many referrals you got before you accepted?

You can PM me or get my e-mail from my blog...see below!

[jessipea]

Thanks for the input. We have heard the same thing about first referrals that are a stretch for the couple.

We are not super flexible on the ages...that is true. We are firm because they will be our only children and we are so young. I guess I probably don't need to justify, but still...sometimes I feel so guilty for not taking the first referral.

Thanks for the advice.

Jessi

[Anita]

There are many people who have had to pass on referrals. Although there can be tremendous guilt, remember adoption is looking out for the BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILD. If you know in your heart you are not the right parent for that child, you too are looking out for the best interest of the child.

There is no reason to feel guilt...not that you won't. Just remember many of the referrals rejected by one family are often accepted by another. You have held up your end of the deal, making sure that child found the right home. As hard as it is to think it is not your home, you did what was right for the child and for your own family.

My thoughts are with you, I can relate to the guilt.

PS - I think it STINKS that Poland and/or agencies play this game with people on first referrals!!!!! What is the point of a homestudy.

[Jasiu]

I meant 13 months and not years in my previous post!

You certainly do not need to feel guilty about your decision not to consider children who are outside your request. I am sure that the children will find a wonderful home that was meant for them and there are other children out there who are meant for you. Many of the posters here have accepted children as a sibling group who were older than what they originally requested (us included!), but you should stick to what you deem to be right for your family. Best of luck.

Originally Posted by jessipea

Thanks for the input. We have heard the same thing about first referrals that are a stretch for the couple.

We are not super flexible on the ages...that is true. We are firm because they will be our only children and we are so young. I guess I probably don't need to justify, but still...sometimes I feel so guilty for not taking the first referral.

Thanks for the advice.

Jessi

[Casey25Cat]

This is our experience so far....

From the time our dossier was in Poland to our first referral was 7 months (we declined due to medical). Our second referral was 5 months later (also declined due to medical). Our third referral was 1 month later. We accepted! Unfortunately, we never received court dates and learned 5 months after accepting that our little girl is no available for us to adopt. (We were not given any reason). Our fourth (and hopefully final) referral came 1 month later which was also accepted.

So, we have been all over the map on the time between referrals. And we are keeping our fingers crossed that we don't encounter any additional problems. After being in-process for over 2 years (counting the homestudy)...we are looking forward to completing our family!

Andrea