[Mom2_4]

Someone on another thread said something about packing up gifts for the children left behind. I can only speak about our kid's dom dzechi (children's home) but they weren't allowed personal possessions. They each had a small cubby that held their toothbrush and where their change of clothes was put. It was no bigger than the cubby that my youngest had here in the US at his small pre-school to hang his coat.

Toys were kept in a large toy room and because of the range of ages (0-6) of the children at the children’s home, they were all "toddler proof".

The religious sisters who ran the place liked the cash donation the best. The translator liked the maple syrup we brought, and we left chocolates for the care takers and the people who helped us at the hotel. We bought a nice meal (and gave a nice tip to) for the kind driver who watched our back in our crazy one day visit to Krakow.

My suggestion is that unless you know that you'll have access to laundry facilities (like you know that you are staying in an apartment and there is a washer), you save your limited suitcase space for clean underwear.

THERE ARE VIRTUALLY NO PUBLIC LAUNDROMATS IN ALL OF POLAND. And even apartments that have washers will often not have dryers. There will be wooden contraptions to hang your stuff to dry.

You can get nearly everything giftwise in Poland, especially if since you are likely flying through Krakow or Warsaw. Also, some Dom Dzechi's will let you interact with the other kids, in others you'll never see your children's group mates.

If your children are in a Dom Dzechi and you want to do some thing nice for all the children, my suggestion would be to offer to purchase some easily shared food item that is a bit pricey by Polish standards. Such as Off season fruit or chocolate (btw, Prince Polo is like a very, very, good Kit Kat). My kids had never had ice cream and didn't know what to do with it when they got it at the hotel where we were staying.

I hope that other people who have gone before will state what items that they found was well received. Every Dom Dzechi is run a bit different so waiting parents should be prepared not to be able to be prepared.

[hybell]

I second the experience with few to no personal items. My son came to us with Krolik, his stuffed rabbit, but that was it. My sense was each child had 1-2 special security items that they would keep with them.

We brought chocolates (chocolate in Poland has only recently come up to European standards, according to the Sisters). On trip one, we brought some coloring books, crayons, candy, and rubber stamps (which covered Krolik, our son, and his photo album when we returned on the 2nd trip - was this a hint? Skip the stamps). We left a donation, which was going to be used to send a few children to summer camp.

Our dom was predominately teens, and they needed clothes, school supplies, cd players (bought in Poland so they could play Polish CD's), mp3 players... you get the idea. The little ones seemed well stocked. Like in the US, it's the older children left with the greatest needs.

I suggest some gifts that are from your home area - chocolates, maple syrup, wool sweaters... whatever it might be. Beyond that, plan to leave behind the clothes that didn't fit your child on trip one. In Poland, buy some "kinder jajko" for the kids (chocolate eggs with a toy inside). Ask the director if there is anything you could purchase for the dom while you are in Poland. And then leave a monetary donation when the adoption is complete.

Oh - and don't forget the flowers!

[momraine]

It looks like we will be making an extra trip just to visit, becuse of the hold up caused by them moving my son to a new place (clear across the country). So because we have already been approved by the adoption center for this child, they said that gives us permission to come and meet him and perhaps visit some officials who could move things along. (I personally hope that it will shorten the next trip!)
Should I bring gifts on this visit? He is now in a place that is more like group homes, there will be ten other "children" though most might be teens and all are disabled, either physically or mentally or both and two adults in his little home, however he probably doesn't know them very well yet, as he has only been there a few weeks. Are there gifts I should bring on this trip or just buy flowers and chocolates and such there? I was going to bring him a gift from each of my other children. (My plan was to buy two of each thing and keep one at home in case the toy dissapeared between the first and second trip) When I go again I will stay for the duration, so I will have some time then perhaps to shop for things for his friends?
I had thought about bringing him a cowboy hat since we are in Texas, although they are not as common as the movies portray them, we do live in the country and they are worn. Anyway, what would be proper gift etiquette for this visit? I think that if we go when we want to, we will be there for an open house at the facility he is in now. (I think that some of the children there do have parents and for them it's more like a boarding school)
Anyway, I am writing down all the suggestions.
Lorraine

[hybell]

I would think a small gift or two for your son-to-be would be fine. Definitely keep a double at home.

I would suggest leaving a disposable camera or two for him and his caretakers to take pictures in your absence.

Flowers and chocolates would be fine for a visit trip. You could also ask the caretakers if the dom could use anything in particular and plan a purchase for a future trip.

[momraine]

I like the idea of a camera. I have gotten some pictures of him with the children at his old orphanage, which I plan to add to the album I am making for him. I think I will leave this album with him. I will order another like it in case it gets lost. I think asking the caretakers will be a great idea. Since this is not really an orphanage, at least not only, it's more of a home for the disabled, there may be specialty things that they need that are harder to get in Poland that they need. He will have been in his new home a little over a month when we visit. I will bring flowers for the two adults in his home and maybe for whomever runs the place? And chocolates for the other members of his house. It's a pretty big place, they even have adult housing for disabled adults and thier spouses and children. I am guessing that perhaps the rest of Poland is not as accesable and welcoming of the disabled so many choose to stay when they reach adulthood, there was even a very sweet picture of a wedding, in which both bride and groom and all the attendants were disabled. I think it will be a pleasure to donate something needed to this place. I think my daughter is thinking of getting him a teddy bear, my son's perhaps cars or other toys. In his new home he shares a room with only one other child, so he may have room to keep three small toys from his new siblings.

[Jasiu]

Momraine, it looks like your process is also a 3-trip process! We are also hoping to shorten our second trip by making the first additional one.

We were told not to bring any gifts for our children at this time. The orphanage keeps all the toys together for all children to play. From the photographs we received and from what the caretakers communicated, the children at this orphanage do not lack nice clothes and toys. My wife's sister visited the orphanage and also got a sense that it is not a good idea to bring gifts for staff on the first trip. They seemed really careful and sensitive and did not want to appear to be taking bribes or gifts. However, we plan to take some American candy for all the children (there are about 80 children at this orphanage), which we were told was fine. We will definitely take some gifts for the staff at the end of the process and make a donation to the orphanage, when we go to pick the children up.

We were told that we may not interact with the children that much on the first trip. Apparently, other kids at the orphanage are very hard on children who are about to be adopted and they can get very mean by telling children that the adoptive parents will not come back for them in between trips. We are very hopeful that our process moves along and we can bring them home soon!