[stitchie]

My husband and I have been trying to adopt from Poland and are working with an agency located in Mundelein, IL.

We are having a very difficult time finding out when our travel date will be. Has anyone similar had difficulties, either with this agency or with Poland in general?

I'd appreciate any input anyone might have. If you have specific information about FCC, please PM me, as I don't want to bash anyone, but I do have some concerns at this point.

Thanks!

[Anita]

Do you have a referral and are awaiting travel, or are you waiting for your referral?

[stitchie]

Hi Anita,

We are waiting for "permission to travel" and for our medical information for our referral.

We have been referred an 18 month old boy, who is now 20 months.

We've waiting eight weeks for this information to come to us.

Thanks for replying. I'm getting a little crazy over this.

[Anita]

Sharon -

In our experience of referrals everything came at once. You are dealing with different people, so the process is probably different The process could have changed in Poland since our experience too.

Did you ask additional questions that you want them to answer? I could see where that might take extra time.

I would bet once you get permission to travel, it will be fast.

Hang in there.

[stitchie]

Thanks Anita.

We have had to provide extra information about my work status (I'm a nurse) and childcare plans.

We also had to tell the Polish facilitator that we were accepting the referral before anything came to us.

We have done all of that and have not heard one word from Poland since the beginning of January.

Now our social worker said that we might get information on Friday and it could be up to three weeks before we get permission to travel to Poland for the first trip.

Thanks for your support. I don't know if I can go thru this again for a second child. At every turn there have been delays and setbacks. I'm wondering if it is the agency, the country changing, or bad timing on our part.

[Anita]

Well, hopefully today is your day! My prayers are with you.

Just remember, anytime additional information needs to be passed on, it usually adds some extra time.

Good luck.

[stitchie]

Thanks Again Anita.

I'll keep you posted!

[stitchie]

Well, we've struck out again. We were supposed to get information by Friday and it didn't happen. My husband and I spoke with the caseworker who said now maybe next Thursday or Friday. We've been told that the Polish are different from us and we have to be patient, not pushy.

I'm starting to think this isn't a real referral, and/or there is something wrong with this child. Why else would the agency keep putting us off? The delays without explanations are cruel and saying things like "well, they're different from us" is just blowing sunshine up my skirt. It's not an explanation, it's an excuse. One day the SW tells me to put the child on my work's daycare center wait list and then two days later tells me that if I don't like the way things are going she'll amend the homestudy and we can start over with somebody else. Of course, there's all that wasted time and effort that has gone into this, to say nothing of the 5 years we had in unsuccessful infertility treatments

We are so close, and yet my patience is just worn away. If anyone else has run into these roadblocks with Poland I'm desperate for some insight.

[mtgx395]

Hello! I had sent a pm to "stitchie" a few days back but hadn't heard anything yet, so I thought I'd try posting a reply this way. I'm very curious as to whether you have any updates on your situation, as my situation may be similar in some ways. Feel free to post a response or send me a pm as well. Thanks, and have a nice day!!

[stitchie]

Hello,

I'm sorry, I never did receive your PM. I would have gotten back to you! Thanks for posting.

Here's what's happened since then:

We waited three months to get medical information, and that was after we offered to send a camera to Poland and have the facilitator there take pictures. We finally received the medical information, but it was in Polish, so I took this to a Polish friend of mine (we went to nursing school together) and she translated much of the information.

After that I made a chart of the child's hospitalizations, diagnoses (best I could, anyway) and medications. We gave this information to a physician friend.She said that the low apgar scores, prematurity, small size and NOW that he's in physical therapy for hypotonia that there is a high probability of cerebral palsy for this child.

Ultimately, we ended up declining the referral. We are starting over with Ukraine. We are extremely disappointed at the way the Polish facilitator handled things; my husband and I both feel very manipulated and feel that the facilitator did not handle things professionally.

Additionally, it seems that the social worker from our agency was also ready to dump us -- she revised our homestudy, then sent us a form letter saying "it was nice working with you" . We had asked our agency/social worker to keep trying in Poland for us but apparently that message didn't get across -- we want a sibling group, preferably a boy and a girl. We thought that we'd have a much easier time of it but apparently without the aid of our social worker this just won't work for us in Poland. I'm very upset that she dismissed us this way. It felt to me that if we weren't going to take this special needs child then they just weren't going to work with us anymore. This has made me more than a bit upset .

If you like, you can email me at stitchie@comcast.net and I'll receive you email that way. I can talk more freely that way.

[Anita]

I am sorry for your aggrevation. Our family has been down the same road, and that why we are researching alternatives.

[stitchie]

Anita,

From your tag line I can see that. It's very frustrating and disappointing. But the manipulation I've felt thru this process is something I can't put away.

There must be a lesson here, right? Patience is a virture, all of that? Easy for them to say.

We anticipate fewer problems with Ukraine. They seem to be more forthcoming with information, etc. It's really a shame because my husband and I were enjoying rediscovering some of our Polish heritage during this adoption process.

Good luck to you. Keep us 'posted'!!!