[luvmykids4]

I've been a foster parent for about a year. We really were hoping to adopt, but felt that in the process we would really be helping and making a difference in a child's life. Our first baby seemed 'handpicked' and everyone thought it would lead to adoption. After we had her for six months ( from birth ), the judge sent her home to parents with no support system, and a history that was not very promising! Needless to say, we were devastated. We have 4 bio kids ( 8,12,14,16 ), and it was very hard on them as well. We had a few calls for placements that fell through, and then we got an 13mth old girl the first week in March. We have had a challenging time with her due to sickness, adjustment, dealing with her trauma, etc. She is a sweetheart, but it's alot of work! Anyway, we think she'll end up going back with mom because dad is now in jail, and it's a domestic violence situation. I am feeling so discouraged and fed up with the system. Obviously, we wanted to adopt at some point, but I can't even feel good about kids going home where they will not be protected. I feel like the system wants more kids to go back with 'family', but all this does is perpetuate a system of messed up families. These kids will end up as the next generation of parents who abuse and lose their kids. It does not feel very rewarding right now -- I almost think that they'd be better off not taking kids, if they are just going to return them. Anyone feel like I do right now?

[trixiebell]

I have certainly been there, it is sometimes hard to feel encouraged...we have watched 6 foster kids reuinted, some into situations I felt good about, some into situations that continue to wake me up at night worrying about the kidos...we have found that sometimes, when it just gets too much it is a good idea to call the agency, take a few weeks (or months!) off from new placements and recharge, we have done that twice and came back each time feeling better. PM me if you want to talk...some days it just sucks to watch the system churn and feel so helpless...

[7brats]

I have also been there,in fact I am still there.After 6 months with my first placement ages 2 and 4 I am feeling lost and betrayed somewhat by the system.My placement although difficult at times,was really a great experience.I was able to take 2 children and give them security,guidence and the love of Christ.
I gave them a sense of belonging and things were starting to turn around.SUDDENLY..........they were gone!!!!
Removed with no notice,I put them to bed the night before never knowing I would never see them again!!!
They are with kinship,never to return to birth mom.I feel my agency could have fight for me,they did not.
I feel they were placed with birth family,but into an overwhelming situation for the family member who already has 4 children who are not that old.I feel this placement was forced on the family member,just to keep the children away from all of the good the girls were accomplishing and I feel they will regress,not move forward in the placement.
I have nothing against the family member but I think it was not her choice to take on the children it was bio-mom's. I THINK they are a great CHRISTIAN FAMILY and to get rid of the bio-mom who is a big problem the DSS pushed along with mom to move the children.
I understand that in most cases children should be with family,however when you are placing 3 young children with issues, into a home with 4 other young children and with young parents you are just asking for trouble in my opinion.
I guess I feel some type of way because this same DSS ignored calls about my 2 year old great,great niece and she was killed at the hands of her caregiver. I mean,if they would have answered the call,placed my niece with family she would probably be here today.
This system needs an overhaul.......

[jaenelle]

This is why I'm scared to foster, or even foster/adopt. I don't understand why these children are sent back into homes that were obviously unsafe and could be again!

Sometimes at our classes I want to scream because everything seems so focused on the bio parents/family who were the ones who caused the child to be taken away in the first place, but yet they get every chance in the world.

[luvmykids4]

I appreciate the posts. I am really questioning what I think about the whole system. I feel that government is so concerned with 'biology' when the most important thing is the well being of the kids. I don't expect 'model' parents, but they should be working hard to change and putting their best foot forward! I read somewhere on this site that various experienced caseworkers were asked how many parents actually changed, and their answers were maybe one parent in 10-20 years. That should speak volumes! Good luck.

[stilldeciding]

I have not yet experienced, like most of you getting a child then having to give it back to a family who is still struggling. I right now am trying hard to avoid that. DH and I also are a Christian Family and have shielded our boys and raised them in a home to know Jesus. Our boys are very easy kids, extremely well behaved and love God. To watch my boys sadness just "hearing" about some of the kids we were called about..makes me more aware of the fact that I have to take kids who have a better chance of being "adoptable" That means a longer process and maybe not finding a child at all. But we have to do what is right for our kids. The system IS broken and I am aware of that as I know people who have fostered and the stories vary from sad to scary. But in the end, it SHOULD be about the welfare of the children, though in lots of cases its not the case..and that is sad. I know for my hubby and I, we would love the chance to foster kids when all our children are grown...but for us..today...we want to adopt. I don't think either of us are ready for all the pain and sadness these kids are going through..neither are our boys. But I do believe someday when it God's time we will be ready for that. I have such a deep respect for all foster parents...to love a child and then have to let them go. So even if the system IS not great and I get frustrated..I rely on my faith to help me through things. I know in the end..though the system can and will fail..God does not!

[7brats]

ME,me,me.I am getting discouraged because seems like my agency calls everyone else for the younger children and calls me for children who are WAY out of my age range!!!!!

[stilldeciding]

I am just plain overwhelmed waiting to hear back on the kids we put in for..all 16 of them! Will any of them be the one(s)? Who knows..but DH and I are throwing caution to the wind and putting in for all the kids who are OUR age range...all the cases are straight adoption...so we have a chance at adopting...as we really don't want to foster at all and just want to adopt. I am just so wanting them to call us for the right one. Here's hoping!

[7brats]

Right now I want to foster but long term or foster to adopt. Both calls I got were in the wrong age range.My worker was not even the one who called me on that one, it was my adoption worker. I am still considering changing agencies,maybe going to the county.Yesterday I had to drop off the girls things and talked to their county worker who I like a lot.
She was really upset that the family had stood us up. She let us know how the girls were doing. I found out that at first they were taking it almost as hard as we were and they were very upset that they were taken away from us. The younger one suffered a lot.
She says they are doing a little better now and she thinks we will see them again.I wonder what she means by that ? Anyway I was happy to hear about them and sad at the same time.
She is such a good worker that I think moving to a county agency may give me the benefit of getting younger children verses the older ones.
She said she will keep me in her mind if things don't work out since they were with me over 6 months.
Its just getting tiring waiting for a call that doesn't come or when it does it isn't a match at all