[Alison_inPA]

My husband and I are just beginning to gather information about adopting an older child (6-10 years, ideally) in PA. I'm wondering if anyone who'se been through the process has general suggestions and hints for us. We've gotten lists of agencies in our area (Bucks/Montgomery County or NE Philadelphia), but I don't really know how to go about choosing one. I've looked at the SWAN website, too, but everything seems so vague.

Anyone whose been through the process have info they wish they'd known when they started?

Thanks.

[tdrager]

We have had our profile approved for about 8 months. My wife and I believed that we have the perfect home for a child. After about 2 months, I started making calls all over PA. I took some grief from our agency for being "too persistent" because they want to initiate contact with the county agencies. I somewhat agree with their position.

We had 2 separate interviews with county workers and were not chosen by the kids, (17 and 11) in each case. One child chose to stay with her foster parents. The other chose one of the 3 finalists. We felt like pawns and it really hurt our feelings. You see, they get 20 or more family profiles on a child and narrow it down to 3 finalists. This makes sense, but I really don't like those odds. (Hmmm, I don't like gameshows either.)

I got disenchanted with our whole SWAN / PAE system in PA, so I made 100 calls out of state, based on listings on www.adoptuskids.org. This is not working either, because, for example, a worker in Texas said he had 300 inquiries on one child. This makes me want to give up on pure adoption because I see that kids are terrified of adoption and there is intense competition for children. From what I've seen, there are 4 adoptive parents available for every child in PA every year. I'm told the average wait is about a year to get a match with a child, but the statistics say 4 years.

So, we have added a goal: Foster-Adopt, hoping to find a child, even though it's a 50-50 chance of actually adopting a foster child. At lease we'll be able to do some good in the community while we wait to an adoptive situation.

[tdrager]

Also, if you want a child quicker, go with a larger agency, like Beth Anna, or Lutherin, etc...

We went with a local agency, who is very nice and is very high quality, but does not have the volume of kids available to their office. You want an agency with a large staff and who's FAX machine is buzzing away 24/7 with kids profiles.

[Alison_inPA]

Wow! I had no idea the competition was so stiff! All the literature makes it sound like there is a great shortage of homes for these children.

But I'm glad the supply-and-demand, so to speak, favors the kids' side of the equation.

Thanks for the tip about using a larger agency. I have heard that from others, too. It appears that most of the smaller agencies in our area focus mostly on overseas adoptions anyway, and I want to deal with one that has a lot of experience with older kids in domestic adoptions.

I'm still mulling over the options in foster-to-adopt, so I'll be interested in how you make out with it, tdrager.

[Lorraine123]

Even though I am located in MD, I found my daughter on the SWAN web site. They wanted to place her out of state for safety reasons.

It is true that there is a shortage of parents for hard to place children. They are usually older, have mental disabilties, behavior problems, emotional disorders, physical handicaps. These children need parents. On the other hand, there is much competition for younger, less disturbed children.

My daughter's worker said she received hundreds of calls the first week her picture was on SWAN. Many families chose not to send in their homestudies after finding out her issues. But they received 75 homestudies. We were the chosen family. So it does happen.

[bostonbeagle]

Hi everyone and tdrager, talked to you in the past! Tdrager i know what's like, been there for 2 years, and finally got a interview , wish me luck! I think Pa adoption system and foster care needs revamped terribly! Now if we go out of state, at time we was looking into, we had to pay $2,500 for our home study to go out of state! From what I was reading it has changed! I recently went to a SWAN conference in June, hoping to look for my family, I was very disgusted. Lots of agencies with books and books of families looking for children, I just couldn't beleive it! if i knew all this 2 years ago, I would have just adopted me another bassett hound, have 3 already! lol lol But we want to adopt children so badly, so just waiting and waiting!!!!!!
Well talk later!!!!11
Boston

[Alison_inPA]

I just did a quick count on the SWAN website. There are around 227 children listed there. (The reason the number is uncertain is that I'm not sure I counted all the sibling groups right.) Over 60% of them are in the 11-15 age group. I know that there are lots of kids placed who never get on the website for various reasons, but if this group is representative it is understandable that the waits are so long for the younger children.

[bostonbeagle]

Yes that's true about the number of children on the website, but foster parents get tadopt the younger children most of the time, and if they don't, they usually go to the SWAN website, but remember out of state parents and instate parents are looking into these children too!
It really shouldn't matter, as long as they children find a good loving home that is all that matters!
Boston

[Coonieg125]

to tdrager good luck in your quest as a foster/adopt parent I am from NE PA and we were foster parents for the county agency for ten years and adopted all four of our daughters now ages 10, 7, 5, and 3. The three youngest were placed with us as newborns and our oldest was just 18 months. I count my blessings every day for the awsome gift. We no longer foster, not because we didn't enjoy it but because we have no more room in our home. Foster parenting is by far the most rewarding thing we ever did and not only because it satisfied our desire to adopt a child but we also touched the lives of many more children who were returned to their families.

[tdrager]

My job is a web development manager for a major company, so I am pro-web technology. I believe the websites are doing a dis-service right now. Let me explain.

We saw several several kids on adoptuskids.org and then registered ourselves on the West Virginia state adoption website. None have even acknowledged us.

I do not want to sound cold, but we have had no luck with any of the kids shown on any website so far. These websites, including my home state of PA, almost seem like a farce in that the kids either are not available or they do not want to be adopted out either in-state nor especially out of state.

We had thought there were a few kids in Texas that looked like they may be interested in us, but they have gone silent. In my book, silence is not good.

We have given up emailing, snail mailing and calling about kids because it has not produced any results in 8 months. I'm exhausted after making literally 100's of calls. Plus, my agency doesn't like us calling around the system. So, I will let it up to our small agency and their limited resources to find a kid who needs us.

We also went to the June PA State-Wide conference, met many county workers who were very friendly. They won't even talk to us now. We inquired about many kids but none have been matched with us yet. There was one kid that we were interested in, who they said was a nice kid. Only after months of waiting, we finally received his profile. He was on 5 psychotropic medications and had many issues. Talk about "bait and switch". We asked for more pictures or a video of this young man, but were told we had to make our decision based on the profile only. I am frustrated with the whole process because I want to understand the kid's "content of character", not just a bunch of cold facts (like he was bi-polar). This kid had moderate issues, and we may have been qualified and able to adopt him, but we had to say "no" because of the cold facts. What a heart breaker.

We have changed out goal to foster-adopt, since half the kids come from foster care. Like you said, even if the foster kid leaves us, at least we can do some good while awaiting a permanent placement.

Press on, regardless.

[Alison_inPA]

tdrager, other than the level of disability that you're willing to work with, do you have some other restrictions on the kind of child that you are looking for? Age, sex, race? Your experience is quite disheartening.

My husband has been talking about how we should probably look into adopting an older child from overseas rather than domestically, in part because of the stories we hear about non-disclosure of information on domestic adoptees that leads to problems later. But my position has been that for most older children in overseas orphanages, their past is still pretty much a black box. In the US at least there's some kind of paper trail on most of these children.

Nevertheless, we will probably talk to both kinds of agency and may pursue both avenues simultaneously.

[tdrager]

The paper trail for most of the kids we've seen in the US is quite thorough, right down to their dental checkups. Disclosure has been full.

We are looking for kids with mild issues. The definition of "mild" is subject to interpretation.

Originally, we wanted a girl age 10-16 of any nationality except pure African American (My wife's decision). Now, we are open to any age and sex. Let's just say the kids are still not flocking to our doorstep.

The only thing we know of that may cause a prejudice against us is that we do not go to church. We are religious in certain ways, spiritual, etc.., and were raised Catholic, but don't follow any organized religion. This is an advantage because we will support any religion the child wants to practice as long as it's not a toxic religion (e.g. supresses women's rights).

[Lorraine123]

We are looking for kids with mild issues.

Children in the care of social services rarely have "mild issues". You have to realize that their background was bad enough that the government was able to take away their parent's rights. That isn't easily done. They must prove pretty severe abuse and/or neglect. That is why the children are not flocking to your doorstep.

Maybe you should revisit the disorders these children may have and determine which ones you could accept.

Yes, "mild" is subject to interpretation. Since the social workers see some very severe issues, what they call mild may still be quite bad to an average person. Just remember that a history of abuse and neglect followed by years in the foster care system rarely produces a child with mild issues. That is why there is such a need for parents for the children with issues. There a lots of them just waiting for a home.

Also realize that if you adopt an older child overseas, they will probably have an attachment disorder and it won't be documented. Long term orphanage living is detrimental to a child's ability to attach. Not trying to discourage you, but just be realistic.

[Alison_inPA]

Lorraine, did you think that your daughter's history and issues were fairly disclosed to you beforehand by the PA caseworkers?

[Lorraine123]

What they gave us was very sketchy. We did not receive any social services records. So we don't know all the details. We received a 40 page profile on her. It contained many doctor's records. For example, we know all about her dental care, history of ear infections, things like that. Those things aren't really important. What you really need to know are why the child is removed. Why they moved from home to home. Therapist records.

We got most of our information by talking with the current foster parents. We also talked with her therapist. They were helpful.

We also learned alot by realizing what wasn't revealed. There were holes in her profile. I'm convinced there are things they intentionally left out. We had to piece many parts together. Be sure to read between the lines.