[kangaroo]

Hi everybody. My parents adopted a sibling group of three children 16 years ago - they are now 17, 18, and 20 years old, and all three have attachment disorder. It has been such a struggle for our entire family, and remains so. You all know the issues - first and foremost, the bonding issues, then the food issues, the lying, stealing, manipulating, and so on. But it seems that the most pressing issue is educating others regarding attachment disorder. My parents have even had school counselors tell them that there is no such thing as attachment disorder. I have published several journal articles in psychology journals regarding attachment disorder, in an attempt to educate others. Now I am working on a book, and I'd like to ask for your help. What are the most important issues for you and your family? What would you like other people to know?

[zebramom]

Attachment Disorder Network has published a 16 page booklet written by an adoptive mom that answers some of the basic questions. This might give you a good starting point.

http://www.radzebra.org/orderform.htm

[Sheriv]

I guess my thing as the mother of a son who suffers from attachment disorder is that I want people to know it's not only about the child. The parents, the mother especially who is the target most times for most of the rage and who stands in the eye of the storm always really gets no support. Attachment is a two way street, when we try to do all we can to help the children....but are constantly met with violence, disrespect and abuse.....how do we "attach"? It is a hard place to be.

ssv

[JMS0431]

I really feel that when you are taking in a child (fostering or adopting) that has Attachment Disorder that first and foremost you should be told what the disorder is, and that these kids need to be parented in a completely different manner than "normal" kids. My foster daughter came to us with this disorder, without us knowing she had it, or how to deal with it. Therefore I had no clue how to help her, or that the way I was handling her behaviour was exactly opposite of what she needed. I also agree with the last poster who said that the Moms of these kids get little to no support and are the ones who take the abuse. I have been feeling so lost and alone since discovering that D has this disorder and that I am in for a very long haul with learning a completely different way of parenting and coping. This is also affecting my bio 11 year old daughter as D is allowed to "get away" with things that she is not simply because D is not able to understand cause and effect. The amount of stress this disorder puts on a family is HUGE and there should be a lot more support out there. So the most important thing to me is SUPPORT!!!!!

[Sheriv]

I hear you!!! It's amazing how much that helps "support". I have made a few friends that I met in the waiting room of my son's therapist....we are sisters in spirit. I also have talked to other friends and have found that other disorders...i.e. ODD, ADHD, Autism have similarities in the behaviors that make it hard on us "Moms". I am happy to be support for you at least via e-mail and share the benefit of our three year journey so far.... (He is only 5 and will soon be six). Post again and I will give you my private e-mail if that is the way things are handled. Hang tough.....Do something for you and invest in the book "When Love is not enough" by Nancy Thomas..... its our manual.

[JMS0431]

Thanks so much for your post. I really could use an email support buddy! D just turned 7 and we have only had her for 2 months, but she quickly figured out that I was the bonding threat in our family, and has zeroed in on my like a fly on you know what. I am using "time ins" almost exclusively with her, and I feel like I have a kid stuck to my shirt most of the day when she is not in school. Not to mention the amount of times she kicks me, screams at me, and mouths back to get sent to the time in to start with. I had been doing time outs until I found out about RAD and that being separated from me was exactly what she wanted me to do. Now the time ins are much more of a battle because it pushes her buttons as well as her boundaries. Funny that you mention the book "When love is not enough" I stumbled on it at Amazon and ordered it immediately last week. I hope it is as helpful as you say it is. I'm worn out already! I don't know how trading personal emails goes on this board either, but I would really like to do that with you. Let's figure it out, ok? Thanks.
Julia