[Kathy]

My husband and I are 39 and 34 yrs and are trying to decide whether to become parents or not. We've been married for a year and a half and are really starting to think about this now. We can both see the pros and cons to having children, as well as not having children. If we did decide to have kids, we would probably adopt since that's what's on our hearts if we went in that direction. I guess my question is how does one go about deciding whether to parent or not? What goes into that decision-making process? Thanks for any insight!

[SomeBunniesMom]

I think that it shouldn't be such a hard choice. Some people dream all their young adult lives of being a parent, or raising a family. Other people never give it a thought. The answer for you is in your own heart. Do you day dream of raising a family with your husband? If you just can't picture it or it doesn't feel right to you, there is no shame in sharing your life with your husband only. A married couple without children is a legitimate family, and there are many meaningful ways to devote your time and resources if you want to make a difference for a child and not be a parent. On the other hand, if you feel pulled to being a mom, then adoption is an amazingly wonderful option. I guess what I am trying to say is that when something is right for you, you will know!

[nancynic]

Hi Kathy,

It's such a big decision, a decision that will change you and your daily life for many years - and it's great that you and your husband are thinking about it and making it a conscious choice! I think that talking about it with your husband and family and friends helps ... as well as knowing that timing plays into the decision too. If it is right for you, you will know it. If you can't decide right now, you might want to wait for awhile.

I wonder how others have made this important decision? What factors went into making the decision?

Best of luck Kathy and keep in touch!

NancyNic

[Judilyn]

You are wise to put so much thought in to it. Having children is a big step and a huge reponsibility. Good luck in your decision.

Judilyn

[ourtenkids]

Have you ever thought of fostering for awhile to see what it's like to have kids in your life? You could go on to adopt if you enjoy it or stop fostering after you complete a temperary placement. My husband and I have a large family but we love fostering babiesand toddlers!!! Robin

[shellia424]

I agree Fostering may be something you may want to check into...especially if you are not sure! I have known since I was young that I wanted to be a mommie, I think that it is something that is in you the feeling that you know and that is your heart's desire. I have a friend who never wants to have kids...that is her hearts desire. Search your soul that is where you will find the answers!