[Sharon]

Just out of idle curiosity... does anyone know how all of this (looking like adoptive parents, not looking like adoptive parents, looking like birthparents, etc...) affects the children of inter-racial adoptions? Not that I am against inter-racial adoptions... I'm for them. But, don't you think these problems of not resembling the adoptive family would be exacerbated if the adoptee was of a different race entirely? I'd be interested in hearing from someone in this situation, and learning whether this is a problem for them and if so, how they deal with it. Sincerely, Sharon

[jjjetplane2]

Book...

I am actually working my way though this book this month. Seems very much primal wound concept and pro open adoptoin this far. My hubby is adopted and dare I say 'well adjusted'. He is very comfortable with his adoptive family, has no desire to search. He is big & olive complected, his parents petite, blonde norwegian.

Or adopted son is AA/Caus and we have a AA foster daughter.

I can only hope that the statistics in the book 'Voices of their Own"are true. This book where tranracial adoptees tell there stories state 76% of transracial adoptees think transracial adoption is a good thing.

[Jensboys]

Ok I will address two points here (ha like i have ever kept to 2 points)

First, the whole "You look like us, therefore you are us" debate
Two of our sons were adopted, two are biological. One day someone came up to us and said, wow I cant beleive how much Eric and Tanner look alike. Now Eric is our second son(adopted), then age 5, Tanner is our biological son, then age 4. Eric is African-American (so dark skin, brown hair, black eyes and beautiful!) and Tanner looks like a Norwegian centerfold (bleach blond, blue eyes, fair skin and beautiful). This was an educated, sighted person who was merely observing that the boys mannerisms were SO close together. We laughed as we watched them because it was true... Tanner had learned from his big brother SO many things and they played, walked and talked SO much the same. Now of course, they dont look anything alike ... there was just an "aura" of sibling-likeness around them. What I think is interesting is that I am sure that many of those characteristics that both Eric and our oldest son and his biological brother, Greg, exhibit are inherited. Tanner and Caden, our two biological sons, have learned those same mannerisms (and they all show some of mine and my husbands as well) but what I wonder is that if T & C are "like" their brothers' birth family ... wouldnt that be interesting to see those similarities
All the research I have read on transracial adoption says that in most cases it makes it easier on the adoptee to be SO different from their aparents because there is never that "fantasy" stage of pretending you were born to your afamily or for others to assume that. Since it is so obvious that they were adopted they deal with those issues younger than a same race adoptee -- therefore hopefully avoiding identity crisis as a teen which is common for same race adoptees. The only thing I have noticed with my boys (ages 8,7,5 and 2) is that the older ones really, REALLY like to dress the same as their brothers so that people "think we are twins". Claiming behaviours and it stops inappropriate questions from strangers because it is apparent that the boys are all brothers.

Secondly, my mom was a birthmother 11 years before i was born. My sister reunited with us when I was 16. She looked more like my mom than either my sister or I who were raised with her could ever even try to look like. They also had many similar mannerisms. However, family, emotional and spiritual outlooks were very different. Looking like "us" certainly made her feel more like "family" to us during the process of reunion but did it make her feel any less part of her adoptive family? I doubt it.