[KAT63]

Help anyone! I need advice on helping my 15 month old sleep through the night. Three different pediatricians. my mother and numerous books say "cry it out." Others say "let baby sleep with you until whenever." I've read all sides of the issue--heard anecdotes from parents on both sides. My worry: my baby was born addicted to heroin and spent first 2 months in 2 different foster homes. Has dozens of allergies. Her night crying is always varied and frequently continues for a period of time even if I sleep with her. We've tried pinpointing allergy wakings but can't find a source. She has gone 8 hours without waking but I can't really find a pattern so I can repeat whatever it was that worked. She generall goes to sleep easily but can't stay asleep. I tried the cry it out about 2 months ago and couldn't keep it up after she continued to scream for hours and hours after 3 weeks of that method. The pediatrician says that is normal--some kids cry all night every night for over a month before they "give in." Gee--that seems extreme. Wouldn't that interfere with bonding?? The pediatricians I've consulted don't consider the heroin or adoption particulars to be an issue--they all say same party line--it is normal stubborn behavior and I have screwed up by caving in. My instinct tells me to continue to go to her, but I am so sleep deprived I worry I'll fall apart soon. I need wisdom from adoptive parents who have lived it. THANK YOU!

[mom2j&d]

I will need more background info to help you better. I am an adoptive mom of two boys who are bio brothers. I have had them both since birth (was in the delivery room both times).

My first son was born perfectly healthy. 14mths after his birth his bmom contacted my attorney and told her she was 7mths along and really hoped we wanted the baby. Of course we were estatic and nervous LOL! About two weeks before he was born she called me and let me know she had used cocaine in her first trimester and was currently using heroine. I was to say the least shocked and concerned. I was not going to back out though because this was my son's brother and I loved even the thought of him.

To make a long story short we were there for his birth and he was very sick. Heroine, though not as serious to the unborn child as cocaine, causes major withdrawal. My son had terrible withdrawal and after about a week in the special care nursery the doctors came to my dh and I and told us they wanted to start methodone treatment. This is a weaning process that helps the baby deal with his withdrawal symptoms. They started him at about one week old and the following week he was released from the hospital. We had to wean him every three days about halph a cc of methodone and bring him to his ped. once a week. The whole process took a total of 6weeks before he was completely off.

During that six week period was hell for both my son and myself. He was in terrible pain, would shake violently, could not relax and could not get enough to eat. These are all withdrawal symptoms. He never slept more than 2hrs at a stretch and would cry constantly. This poor baby was in so much pain and was so uncomfortable you just couldn't soothe him.

After the six weeks things calmed down some but still would not sleep through the night for more than 4hrs at a stretch. He was definitly better than he was but he still had trouble relaxing. He would pull what little hair he had right out of his head. My ped told me to try and let him cry it out. I resisted at first because I knew how much pain he had been in and wanted to be sure this was a sleep issue and not a pain issue. My doctor insisted that his withdrawal was over and he now had to learn how to sleep through the night. At about 8wks we started the cry it out. The first night was bad he cried about and hour then slept for about 4hrs cried again then slept. It was on and off all night. I still gave him two night feedings but he was much younger than your child is. We did this for about a month and one night he slept for 12hrs and of course I ran in his room to make sure he was alright and from them on he has slept through the night.

He is now 7mths old and is doing wonderful. He is smart and beautiful and just the most loving and sweet baby ever. I am just so proud of him. Every accomplishment means more to me than ever because of all he has been through. He had a very rough start in life but has a very bright future.

What I need to know is did he have bad withdrawal at birth? Was he on methodone treatment? Has he always had sleep issures when he was in foster care? Do you have full medical on him? If this is just a sleep issue and not a pain issue than crying it out is a good option. If something is really bothering him due to his medical issue than crying it out is not such a good idea. I don't know if I have helped you at all but I hope my story is inspiring and that there is hope and these babies truly are a miricale because of all they had to go through in their short lives to be here. How wonderful for the two of you to have found each otber.

Good luck to you and if I could help more I would be more than happy too!

[lucyjoy]

Leaving a baby to cry it out for long periods of time will only teach the baby that noone will meet his needs. Is it possible for you to get a sitter for a few hours to let you sleep?

[gietzen]

Gosh, I'm no expert by any means, but my advice to you is "follow your heart" . You know this baby better than anyone. And also, I think you are doing an exceptional job as a mother.
I do agree that it would be a good idea to hire a sitter and take a break. No feeling guilty either.