Adoption Forums®

Members List Photos Events Local Adoption Support Search Arcade Reviews Membership Upgrade
Welcome to the Forums.
If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ. You may have to register before you can post or search: click here to proceed. To start viewing messages, select a forum below that you would like to view or click View All of Todays Posts.
Forum Categories

Thread Tools Search this Thread Display Modes
Old 11-20-2012, 12:14 PM
kaarena kaarena is offline
Junior Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 2
Total Points: 1,963.22
Adopt 2nd Child? Age & Finances vs Single child

We are extremely blessed parents of a wonderful little 15 month old aa son. We couldnt be happier and give thanks every single day. Our only concern is whether or not to try again in a few years. Our son is the only african american in our family....our family has all embraced our son and he experiences loads of love from all, but still......we wonder. We had to go (deeper) into debt for this adoption, and would have to wait until he is in school because we could not afford to have two children in daycare....I would be 46 then! I'm willing to be tired if it's the best for our son, but we wonder if thats unfair to the children. Also, if we just have our son, we can afford small vacations etc., but adopting again would mean living very tight, no trips etc. Again, we would be ok with that for ourselves, only want what is best for our son (and future child if thats the direction.) Any input would be GREATLY appreciated! Happy Holidays, kva
Reply With Quote
Adoption Community Information
Become an adoption forums premium member to enjoy these Membership Benefits:
  • Remove Advertising
  • Unlimited Arcade
  • Unlimited Attachments
  • Increased PM Storage
  • Calendar Posting
  • Larger Avatars
  • Personal Page
  • Just $19.95 / yr!

Old 12-04-2012, 01:44 AM
rredhead's Avatar
rredhead rredhead is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Posts: 774
Total Points: 22,686.01

I noticed this topic is a couple weeks old, but that no one had responded.

First, you should only add a child to your family if you feel that your family is incomplete; that is, only adopt again if you want a child.

We did want two children. We had hoped to adopt again when DS was 3, but his adoption was more expensive than we had hoped, and then DH lost his job, and then we started the process when he was 4, but didn't actually match successfully until DS was almost 6. I was 35 when DD was born.

For DS, it was very important to him to have another "brown" child in the family. On my side, we have no color at all. DH has biracial cousins, but they live across the country. DS really wanted a baby sister who was brown like him.

My mom passed away in 2009. Even though I've never gotten along with my sister, I can't imagine going through all of that without her. I know DH often worries about his parents - he's an only child, and we live far away from them. If he had a sibling, s/he might be able to live closer. (Of course, my sister moved to FL leaving us here taking care of my mom and dad... but that's a whole other issue.)

We went very much into debt with this second adoption, in part because we had to add a room onto our house. DS doesn't always like being the older brother and having a baby around. It's very hard having kids so far apart in age, as they really can't play together, and they have very different needs.

I don't know if this helps you at all, but it is just one perspective.

mom to Jackson, b. 17 January 2006
mom to Cassandra, b. 25 October 2011
private, domestic, open adoptions
San Francisco Bay Area

Child #1: Is that your mother?
Child #2: Yes.
Child #1: Why is she white and you are black?
Child #2: Because I am adopted, and black people have more melanin than white people do.
Child #1: Oh, let's go on the high bars.
Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2012, 06:03 AM
jmd5294 jmd5294 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,279
Total Points: 27,787.39
I personally don't have experience with this, but one of my very good friends and her DH decided that, after one adoption ,they were finished building their family for many of the reasons you listed in your post.

Their dd is 6 now, and they are all very happy. They are able to go on vacations, they are living comfortably, and their dd is not wishing for a sibling, although she does occasionally ask for another dog
Mama to
AD, 6 y.o.
AS, 5 y.o.
AS, 4 y.o.
STBAS, 1 y.o.
Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2012, 06:45 AM
ruth74 ruth74 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,618
Total Points: 120,671.81
I've been thinking about a lot of the same things. I really want C to have a sibling - my brother and I aren't real close now, but we were growing up and as young adults, and I want C to be able to have that. I can't afford two daycare tuitions, and honestly, right now I don't think I could keep up with a second child (I'm a single parent and C is an extremely active 19-month-old). I don't know that I could afford another private adoption, either. I have thought about foster care, maybe when C is a little older, but I worry about the effects of that on C as well, both in terms of behavioral issues as well as if the child left.

I don't know that I have advice for you, since I'm struggling with the same things. I think it makes sense to want another child, and I don't think there is anything wrong with your son being the reason for that.
Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2012, 07:01 AM
AMom2011's Avatar
AMom2011 AMom2011 is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 1,621
Total Points: 47,301.44
my situation is a little different, due to that we are foster/adopt. When it became very clear that our STAS is going to be adoptable (we knew that from the beginning, he was placed at birth), *I* was having the same thoughts as you.... him growing up alone, and being the only bi racial child in the family... we are also older parents.

well, GOD took care of that problem, lol when my son was 4 month old, CYS called us for a newborn baby girl, also bi racial. WOULD she have been blond/blue eyed I would have NOT said yes!

It's a LOT of work raising 2 toddlers at the same time.

BUT, I'm thinking long term, when they are older, they will have EACH OTHER. I'm thinking play grounds and beaches... they will never have to 'go look for somebody' to play with....

also, when they go to school, nobody will say: that's not your 'real' sister.. they look alike

but I must say, there are days where I wished we only would have ONE child! and that has nothing to do with money or whatnot, it's just right now a lot of work getting 2 ready all the time for walks/shopping etc.... once they are older, it'll get easier...
Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2012, 08:02 AM
loveajax loveajax is offline
Senior Member

Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 8,618
Total Points: 505,334.24
I struggled with this for YEARS after adopting DD (who is seven years old). We finally moved forward with foster adopt, and have been placed with a beautiful baby girl who is biracial like DD. It has been wonderful to see DD just so THRILLED to have a sister who is "black and white and brown" (that's how DD describes it!) like her. That said, I am now 44 years old and there is a reason I believe God starts menopause around that time! haha. I am exhausted. But I am praying that we will be able to adopt the baby.

Honestly, I have had a great experience (so far) with our state's foster/adopt program, but I don't think that is universal. Best!
Reply With Quote

« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off

Points Per Thread View: 1.00
Points Per Thread: 15.00
Points Per Reply: 5.00

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 07:47 PM.