[astepinmommy]

Where do I even start? My DH have been trying to start a family since day 1 of getting married - we just celebrated our 8th anniversary. Here's a breakdown of our history:

Dec 2003 - Married
June 2005 - Started seeing OB/GYN for infertility
April 2006 - Started adoption process - but had to stop due to moving out of state
May 2008 - Looked into adoption and seeing OB/GYN again but didn't work out
Jan/Feb 2009 - Was approached to adopt a newborn by a friend but didn't work out - looked into starting the adoption/fostering process through the State but again didn't work out
June 2011 - started seeing OB/GYN once again
August 2011 - started seeing reproductive endocrinologist
Aug to Nov 2011 - full infertility workup - found out we both have issues - IVF pretty much our only option
Nov 2011 - approached by family member to become legal guardian of a three year old family member.

We're in the middle of trying to arrange the guardianship - hoping it will be finalized in January.

Lately I have been feeling really anxious. I have always wanted to be a mother - I love being around kids. I love any kid that I have the opportunity to be around. I have a friend who has adopted four kids and also has two foster kids - I've seen what she's gone through. I feel in some ways I'm really prepared but I'm just feeling anxious because of the unknown. This is going to be a major change in our lives.

The three year old that will be living with us is having some behavioral issues, she throw tantrums, she hasn't really been around kids her own age so she doesn't really know how to behave around them - she hits, etc. I'm a little worried about the transition process - I'm hoping that it will go okay but I'm sure we'll have some growing pains.

We're not sure on how long she will be with us but we are excited at the opportunity to help her grow.

Just wondering if anyone has any advice about what to expect and ways we can help this transition go smoother.

[Quadruplet]

How do I post? Is this right?

[astepinmommy]

Originally Posted by Quadruplet

How do I post? Is this right?

If you were trying to post a reply to my post you are in the right place, but if youwant to start your own post you have to go to the screen where it lists all the posts in the subforum you are. In and hit on start a new thread (I think that's what it's called).

[Mommyforever]

CONGRATULATIONS MOMMY!

You have just entered into the world of fear every Mother To Be enters into.
You must do as we had to do. Educate yourself on parenting.

Bad beginnings do not give open excuse for bad behavior. Tantrums from a three year old is normal for that age. As a Mom it will be your job to teach her/him.
The definition to me is; Mom-Teacher, Dad-Teacher the rest just follows. Help them feel safe with night lights, blankets, hugs, reading to them, slow movements, smiles, soft touches. These are just a few examples of acclimating them into your home and lives.

Jump in with both feet and learn to communicate with your 3 year old! Do not worry about a bond or love as this comes in time and when it does watch out

Use this forum to get help with any issues you come up against. You are in for a wonderful ride, buckle up and get Ur done!!

[DPline]

You might want to cross post on the General Adoptive Parents Support forum and the Foster Parents Support forums as they tend to get a lot more traffic. Though it is pretty slow all over with the holidays.

[TherapeuticFamilies]

A few thoughts... Transitions are hard for all of us and for a 3 year old without the words to express her sadness and anxiety, it will be hard. She won't necessarily look sad, but instead may act out. Give her lots of affection, even if she pulls away. Rock her in a rocking chair, draw on her back, rub lotion on her feet, sing with her, dance with her, etc. These will help her feel connected to you, and will create an attachment which will help her feel safe.

Be very clear about right and wrong but tell her using only a few words at a time. "No hitting. Because you hit you need to sit on my lap while I count to 10. In this family we don't hit. You can get up now." And do that kind of thing over and over.

Do not, do not, do not overwhelm her with stuff and activities. Keep her world small, calm, and structured. That will help her feel safe and content. She will be very easily over-stimulated so a small world will help her adjust.

Best wishes!

Susan Ward
Older Child Adoption Support - Main Page

[Quadruplet]

Thank you for your help! I will try that.