[NoelleSin]

Wow I had to do one of the most difficult things to my dd today. She is of mixed race and has beautiful curly hair however due to her neglecting to properly care for it she had matted in one section that seh was hiding by wrapping the remainder of her hair around in a bun. She had a party today dress up at a hotel with all of her friends and she had promised we would have worked on her knot and have her hair fixed for todays party. As is typical despite multiple promptings and offers of assistance the day is here and her hair is still matted so badly that the only thing for us to do was cut it out almost to the scalp. She wanted it cut I guess in one way she feels relief that it is gone but she hates her hair has since she was a toddler. Her hair is gorgeous and I hope one day she will learn to love it and accept it as part of who she is. This has been such an emotionally draining day twelve so independent and then so not...thanks for listening.

[NicoleP80]

She is only 12 and I am going to guess the hair she has is A LOT of work for HER and if I were you I would start taking on the role of making sure its taken care of properly.

One thing to use is infusium, a leave in conditioner for damp hair. It works wonders. After she showers and washes her hair toss some in, comb it out and maybe just braid it back until the morning when she can re-wet and style it.

Good luck on it growing back out!

[HotNostril]

How about double strand twists and then allowing them to grow into dreadlocks?

[HotNostril]

I guess I am a little shocked you haven't beeen doing her hair all along.

For us, it's wonderful time spent one on one catching up and talking about everything. I would really urge you to start. I have mine sit on the floor between my knees. It's absolutely amazing some of the things that have been shared by mine, my kid actually asks my advice and listens. It seems to work better when you're not looking them straight in the face but instead, the back of their head!

[NoelleSin]

Thx for replies, Dreads are out of the question, her father has dreads and she is not at all interested in having them. She would much prefer have straight hair like all of her peers how impossible that wish is. No I have not been doing her hair for a couple of years, we used to do the sitting between the legs set up however upon entering middle school she took this and all other aspects of her personal care onto herself. I initially was uneasy but realise that building independence skills is essential. She plays multiple sports and has training almost daily therein leading her to shampoo her hair because she feels it is dirty from the work out. I am encouraging her to simply condition daily and shampoo less frequently, and since last weekend she has shown significant improvement in her efforts with her hair care. Actually when she returned from the party she was relieved that the secret was out so to speak and has been fine all week just a mothers angst and of course the ever present hope that they can appreciate themselves as they are.