[crick]

I'm a pretty honest and open parent when it comes to my kids asking questions. Particularly when they ask about sex. I figure if they are asking, then they are ready to know answers.

However, this past week gave me questions I am NOt ready to answer and I don't feel my 11 year old needs to know the answers to just yet. The only reason she asked is because of something she read on the bus. Sigh...sharpie pens, crude drawings and teen tudes gave her some "education" she really truly didn't need.

How do you handle these types of questions when it comes to knowledge beyond basics and true education? And let me just say my dd is smart and inquisitive, so a "You don't need this information now" doesn't work for her.

Thoughts?

[Singlemom619]

I'm like you - I'm VERY open... I'm not sure if it's just because I think kids should know FACT from me vs. rumors from friends... Or because of what my son has been through... or because I taught sex ed to 6th graders a couple years ago....

Honestly - if you want to post what the question is/was I'd tell you exactly what I'd say as my answer - or you could PM me...

Last year my Fson (10) asked me about tampons and periods - even as far as where they go, why, how, ect. I answered every question he had. Did he think it was gross - yes, but he asked more questions I guess it's partly because I think boys/men should know what happens to a woman's body.

My 10 year old understands PMS too

[crick]

OHH! A sex ed teacher! WHOOOO! LOL!

I'm all for true education and would explain the tampon and etc. to my sons if they asked. My oldest son is 12 and he does know some basics about that as well as how girls develop earlier etc. With his sister ahead of him in that area, can't avoid that discussion! LOL!

But this one...sigh...

(I don't want certain sites linking to us on this so I'll pm you the actual statement)

It's not educational, but the crude stuff that goes along with teens and how funny they think certain things are. Terms they use for different parts of the body and language for different methods etc. I just don't know that she needs to know all this. I mean honestly...there are just things you find out after you become sexually active and I think it should be that way. LOL! Lordy..."My mom told me about this thing we can do...." OH NO NO NO! kwim??

[aspenhall]

I think my dd is the same way curious-wise, and I always respond with...
If I told you, it would only confuse you more and cause more questions. I promise to tell you every single thing all about it, when it won't cause more questions than it answers.

As long as I promise to tell her the whole entire complete truth later, she leaves it alone.

I would also tell her that the kids on the bus have got it wrong, and it's nothing like that....And your answers won't make very much sense right now.

But at age 11 I think they need to hear it....pretty much all of it.

Because at age 12 it all starts happening.

Praise her for coming to you and let her know you're the best source for these answers. You're the expert....

It's not really that scary of a talk if you take a scientific approach to it, and explain body purposes and functions first.

I would also include the fact that S.R. are a serious tool to bring people closer together and build strong emotions. I would tell her that until the relationship is serious as marraige, then the tool can damage and destroy the relationship (my opinion, no flaming). It's like using a pressure washer to water flowers....yes it sprays water, and yes flowers need water, but it's the wrong tool for the job, because of how powerful it is. And SR are just as powerful on delicate young relationships with uncertain futures.

I think too many times the medical complications are what's focused on...and not the emotional complications that can happen. It isn't just a clinical act and that needs to be addressed.

[Singlemom619]

I just want to throw in - for any other parent that reads this thread - that when/if you answer or hear ANY questions about ANY type of sexual activities you need to tell your child about the risks - including STDs.

Kids are having "other" types of sex now because they think they won't get pregnant but they don't realize that they can still get STDs...

And let's be honest - if kids really understand how nasty STDs can be, that'll probably scare them away from doing some things for awhile longer (at least it did for me when I was young - haaha)

[crick]

Aspen - I've told her that sex is serious and it's for marriage. Now whether she'll wait til marriage is her choice and all I can do there is make sure she knows it's supposed to be special and with a special person and is safe about it. As a parent, I hope she does not have sex before she is married, but I also know it might not happen that way.

I just don't want to explain certain positions and methods to her yet. Or certain terms. We did though talk about terms and how derogatory they are and how a lot of sex talk is demeaning to women. I'll be having that talk with my 12 year old son too!

Single - Good point on the STD's. And I agree about some fear! LOL! Now...where's the chastity belts!?

[sstuart]

Originally Posted by Singlemom619

I just want to throw in - for any other parent that reads this thread - that when/if you answer or hear ANY questions about ANY type of sexual activities you need to tell your child about the risks - including STDs.

Kids are having "other" types of sex now because they think they won't get pregnant but they don't realize that they can still get STDs...

And let's be honest - if kids really understand how nasty STDs can be, that'll probably scare them away from doing some things for awhile longer (at least it did for me when I was young - haaha)

For STDs I let them know about the puss and scabs. It doesn't always help to just say you can get them--What will that disease look like??

And for those with boys--my big fear is an accusation of date rape. Tell them if there is any type of hesitation at all--Stay away. A false accusation can still ruin a life.

And good for all of you for being open about it!

I

[Singlemom619]

Oh yeah - my boys know NO MEANS NO... they're not to the age yet where they're even talking about girls yet (10 year old is pretty immature) but they will get talks about not pressuring or putting themselves in bad situations... I think it helps that they're raised by a single mom.. .I hope that helps

And yes - I am graphic about how nasty STDs are - and when they're older they'll even see pictures... in Sex ed classes STDs are only briefly mentioned around 6/7th grade and some districts do show pictures of them in high school - I'll be ahead of that game

[lucyjoy]

Maybe just tell her honestly that it's a nasty way to describe sexual things that 12 year olds shouldn't be doing anyway. Sometimes that works.

[aspenhall]

Originally Posted by crick

Single - Good point on the STD's. And I agree about some fear! LOL! Now...where's the chastity belts!?

I hesitate to post the link here.....but they're still around.....