[Tazer]

Hi Guys...I am posting in the Parenting Forum because I need advice from any and everyone who has an idea to share, please. I am dealing with an issue that for the first time in years my D/H and I disagree on; here goes:

My hubby Adam and I are the parents of identical twin girls, Alexa and Aleea who will be 17 in Nov. and are Sr.'s this year and a son Aidan, who will be 3 months old Monday. Both girls are excellent 4.0 GPA students and both are anxious to go out of state to college. They have plans to visit various campuses in the coming months and both will be pre-med majors. Here's my problem:

My girls are adamant about going to separate schools, actually separate states and I hate this idea. HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT! I do not want them separated. They have never been apart before and IMO college and being away from home for the first time is way too stressful to start. I have spent the last few years being grateful that they would at least have each other but they do not want to have each other. I worry about them being away and to think they will be alone and away is terrifying to me. My d/h on the other hand thinks it will help them become independent adults. He says had there been only one born at a time I wouldn't feel this way but they weren't. It's a safety thing with me.

I know I could play the "Mommy card" and insist they stay together but should I, and would you?
For the record they get along great and lead totally separate lives but are also very close. Aleea is the more dominant one but it is Alexa who started the different schools thing. Any advice for an almost empty nest-er? Thanks, Tracy

[bromanchik]

Just as children need to differenciate from their parents, some twins feel this need as well. I am sure they will remain close, but they may need this time apart.

[Biblemom]

My brother and I were extremely close in age. People always thought we were twins. I went to an out of state college just to get out of his shadow. It allowed me become more independent and really helped me with gaining a lot of self-esteem. While not easy for my parents it was the best decision for me.

[waitinginnj]

I know several sets of twins that were extremely close. One set insisted, even as teenagers, that they dress the same each day. But, when it was time for college, they each separted. I remember one set of girls and they each picked a coast. One went to school in NYC and the other LA.

If you can afford to provide them the opportunity to find their own paths, I would think that it becomes their decisions.

My cousin's twins are looking as schools right now. They don't want to go to the same school either.

It is funny, because I was an oldest child. I would have loved to have been able to go to a school with an older sibling.

[ocracoke]

I think that a lot of siblings want to go to different schools. I think that if your twins want to do that then you should honor their well thought out request to do so. They will be adults legally soon after starting college and that whether you like it or not you need to honor decision. Another thing to think about is if it is your less dominant daughter who is requesting separate schools maybe this is her way of insuring her independence and not being in a situation away from home where her more dominant sister can take control. I think whether they opt to go to different schools or not you need to respect their choice.

JMO,
Samantha

[kretzklan]

I found it interesting that the less dominant twin - Alexa - was the one who came up with this idea. I would support that choice - especially for her. Even when you aren't twins, it's tough to live with people comparing you to a sibling...for them, that's probably been their whole lives (not from you...but outsiders). How cool it will be to meet new people and not have their first response be "Oh, you're twins!". I know it's hard Mom...but it would be hard no matter what, right? Just think - you'll have TWO cool new places to visit (and send all your money)!!!

[CaddoRose]

Since they sounds like responsible young adults, I would let them go to different schools. If they decide they don't want to be apart after a semester or a year, then they can decide on their own to go to school together, but at least you allowed them the choice.As a professor, I would insist that they choose a school based on the program they want to major in and not just pick a school far away to be apart from the other sister. Since they want pre-med, it is important that the school offer the program that will enable them to pursue a medical school with the best background possible.