[crick]

We've arrived at this wonderful level of parenting! WHOOO! Not. OMG. Seriously. O M G!!!

My son is 11 and isn't as bad as my 10.5 year old dd, but whew! So early to begin this stage. I know it's pretty on par, but I had a schedule for this and they are NOT on it.

So...for those of you who have been through the teen years, lay it on me. I need your best arsenal of weapons to combat these rolling eye, dramatic sigh, stomping, door slamming, wailing, "You are so unfair!", "I'm NOT doing that", "Oh ya? Well I hate you, SO THERE!", used to be respectful lovely children who have entered the pre teen world of "Let's drive mom INSANE!"

And yes, I've already got my bottle of wine...

[NJNative]

Ignore it! My son is now 17, and I have been through the whole thing. (And occasionally still hear some of it.)

They will only continue to DO it if they get something out of it -- in this case, make you crazy. If you just very calmly say, "I'm sure you do" or "uh-huh" and continue what you are doing, they will stomp off, slam a door, text a friend and tell them you are horrible, and it will blow over in 10 minutes. If you engage in it, by yelling or lecturing back, you might be there all day!

Then in a calmer moment, TALK to them about it. I will say to my son, "I know you were angry and didn't mean X, Y or Z, but it hurt my feelings. And I still need you to A, B or C this afternoon."

Anyway, that works for me...oh, and don't forget to roll your eyes back at them. I am PRO at this by now!

Robin

[DPline]

Boarding school in Switzerland?!

I am beginning to see the merits and DS is only 9.5!

[paigeturner]

1) Like all creatures in the animal world they sense fear and weakness: Show none!

2) Be creative: Don’t be above really creative solutions.

a. Fighting pre-teens make great window washers…one on each side
b. You get really tired of the bickering? Throw them out the door, lock it and take a bath while enjoying a terrific red wine.
c. Slammed bedroom door? Remove it.

3) Disrespectful language:

a. “I’m not doing that!”…ok, let them make the choice…the consequence is YOU”RE not doing something as well…like driving them to an activity, making dinner or something else they’ll care about. Say nothing and then when you get the chance, mimic their exact language.

4) If all else fails…try to remember that you “like” them and remember the phrase, “this too will pass.”

5) Check out boarding schools!

[lucyjoy]

Parenting with love and logic for teens has good ideas in it if you have time to read.

My 11 year old hit this stage and is driving me nuts.

"I'm not doing that" gets a "Well, that's your choice but you won't be doing anything else either"

"You're so unfair" ="I know"

Ignore, throw the same kind of drama when you have to do the laundry or whatever(this is to entertain yourself, of course)

I also use the phrase. "Do you think this is a wise decision?" quite often.

My other kids were so out of whack with mental stuff and this normal attitude is way more annoying to me. Maybe cause I know he CAN control it.

I recommend more chocolate as well.

[crick]

What??? No magic tricks?? Surely there's a "agracadabra" command I just don't know about and y'all are keeping it a secret. C'mon...fess up! LOL!

I know, I KNOW I'm not supposed to let them bait me and I really need to work on that. And I KNOW I'm not supposed to laugh at the absurdity of some tirades. I also need to work on this. (really hard not to laugh when dd screams at me saying I'm the meanest mom EVER and then trips stomping out of the room but is still mad at me and doesn't want me to help getting up so just lays there yelling, and THEN ends up laughing at herself but gets upset all over again because I laugh too and tells me she was wrong, I'm not just the meanest mom ever, but the stinkiest too.) Absurd...and I laugh at absurdity. Bad mom!

Why a 2-4 year old tantrum didn't get to me like this, I don't know, because it's pretty much the same thing in a lot of ways. I mean, sure there were days of frustration, but this level is proving to be more challenging.

Boarding school...hmm....LOL!

[zxczxcasdasd]

ahh yes...that is the exact age that we thought "Who are you and what have you done with our son?" I also remember thinking it was too early!

The good news is it seemed to only be about every other year that would be really challenging- so it wasn't nonstop.

One big point I remember is that at this stage (and thru HS) kids will always try to make you feel isolated in your rules and decisions... that you're the strictest, meanest, the ONLY one who cares about X or the ONLY one who makes them X. They all do it.

I'm SO glad I have a few years left before little guy gets there. Holy cow, I just realized that it's only 4 yrs before he's 11. Ack!!

[crick]

zx - you lived through it and had so much fun you had more children???? LOL! I bow to you.

I asked dd to clean her room and she did that without a battle, but when I checked under the bed...whew! That got me a "No one BUT you ever looks there MOM! GAWWWWWWWWWWD!"

I just said "I know, I'm really observant, eh?" and just walked out.

I keep thinking I need more creative answers though.

[zxczxcasdasd]

I just said "I know, I'm really observant, eh?" and just walked out.

Awesome. Love it.

J had just turned 12 when little guy was born (their birthdays are one week apart) so we had only just begun to glimpse the horror of adolescence. Sometimes I feel guilty for saying it, but it was hard, really hard. I look forward to getting through it, but not going through it again.

I'll watch you go through it while I enjoy my 4 more years of peace.

[Nicole Elaine]

Wow, sounds like my life! Luckily we only have one. He's 11 and we jumped into this. He is our foster son and was placed with us when he was 10.
With him, EVERYTHING turns into an argument.

The best advice I have ever received is to make the child feel like everything is a result of choices they make. "Ok, well it's your choice if you don't want to take a shower. If you choose not to, you also choose to give up your mp3 player and do all of the dishes two nights in a row" or something like that.

It took a while for our son to realize we meant business, but it worked.
Now he tries to listen, doesn't mouth off very often, and knows what to expect when he does.
Just DON'T BE INCONSISTENT! Kids, especially pre-teens, pick up on it and will try to take advantage of your kindness.

I finally had to turn into the mom I didn't want to be, but I realize that it's so much better this way. We're still close, but he knows he can't get away with things he shouldn't be doing.

Good luck!

[paigeturner]

Originally Posted by crick

I keep thinking I need more creative answers though.

Crick, let's just hope it's a very long time until you resort to, "Show some respect!!!! Do it in the car like we had to!"

It can always be worse! LOL.

[Howdy]

My 11 yr old keeps telling me that I said she could do this or that, when I'm sure I did not say she could go or do whatever. Then she gets all upset that I broke my promise. It drives me nuts!

I will have to try the suggestion not to engage with their contrary arguements.

But I do get a string of interesting notes from my daughter, apparently it is easier for an 11 yr old to write a note to a parent than to talk to them!

Today's notes from my 11 yr old:
"I can't handle this. yea I do kinda want to be right, probably 85% of the time. its just when I was little, I was right 99.9% of the time, SORRY! I hope you can forgive me because I know I can change!!"

"I know I am not totally a grown up yet but sometimes I feel like you either treat me like a 3 year old or some 25 yr old who can do every thing."

"Sorry 4 yelling and every thing, it just makes me soo mad that you tell me that I can do something then you tell me I can't! I'M SORRY. I just wanna go 2 the movies. Write back."

[RavenSong]

Oh, Crick, didn't anybody ever warn you about the Pod People?? The space aliens come when your kids are somewhere between the ages of 11 and 13, and they turn them into Pod People. If you're lucky (most people are), the Pod People will disappear and your kids will resume their normal selves somewhere in their mid-20's.

[shaylynn]

Sorry, but there is no know 100% miracle cure or that person would be the richest person in the world. The biggest is consistency and not letting them see that it gets to you.That is EXTREMELY hard, in my opinion. I have a 7, 10 and 11 and the two older ones, I would say, started around 9 years of age but we have been in a pretty good lull for awhile. My sister-in-law and I will have "Who is the meanest mom award" contest about whose kid did what and how horrible we are as a mom. Just kind of a running joke between us and a way to vent to someone. To the response "That's not fair" I sometimes respond back either "Life's not always fair, haven't you learned that yet?" and to the part of it's clean enough, I wash just part of their dishes and tell them, well I guess that is clean enough too (boy does that get the eye roll big time) I know that is giving them fuel to fight back with but it seems sometimes that you just have too !

[mom2justynsarah]

My son will be 10 in December and has a tendancy to be obnoxious. One thing that he does that drives me nuts is try to reprimand and "punish" his sister (who will be four in December). He has to be reminded in a firm manner that he is NOT the parent. Plus he does the typical "You can't make me" or "I don't have to listen to you." My husband & I use the 1,2,3 method and it still works very well (also for our daughter). Basically, they have up to the count of three to stop what they are doing (or not doing). Once we hit three, their is a consequence (no tv, no gameboy, no xbox, etc, etc) I swear by this method as both children will give up by the time we get to number two.