[leslie5645]

I don't know if this has been addressed elsewhere...I couldn't find anything on this topic. Anyway, my 14 year old F to AD wants a cell phone, and I don't think she needs one right now, as a foster child she can't go anywhere without us except school and properly supervised activities. We plan to finalize her adoption next year, and she will be starting high school next fall. A lot of kids seem to have them, (which of course does not mean "all the other kids have them!") but I have had conflicting input from experienced parents of teens and I was wondering if anyone here has any insights or thoughts on the matter? Our thought is that if we did allow it, we would go the pre-paid route and that she would be responsible for the cost, although of course she wants the snazzy green does everything but make coffee model. I KNOW she won't be able to use a contract phone responsibly, she's always out of money now! Any thoughts? How much trouble can she get in with a cell phone? If she needs to contact us, someone else always has one, and they all seem to be willing to let her use them for stupid stuff, so I imagine an important call would be no problem.

[coachmur]

We went thru this with our daughter. She just had to have one. We let her get one on our plan but she had to buy the phone and she pays her portion of the bill each month. She went way over on texting this month and she has to pay 52 dollars. She is lucky though because we live on a ranch and she can work for us and earn money. She works very hard ever summer helping us put up the hay, take care of the cattle, mow lawns, clean, etc. We look at like this. Yes, it is a waste of money. No, we don't think she "needs' one, but it does help her learn how to handle money and be responsible to pay a bill each month.

[MomwithFive]

My daughter is 15 and has been asking for a cell phone. We have one for the family and that's it. She doesn't need it and I see how overboard they get on that "text messaging". It wouldn't serve any useful purpose and she can have ours (we'd be home) if she went anywhere where she had to call home for an emergency (ex: school dance).

[2manyks]

i'm the opposite end here. ALL of my teenagers have them. it is my leash on them, but they dont know it. i text and call them throughout the day and at nights when they are away from home. anyone in my house 13 and over have a phone and right now thats 6 kids. i can call them to come home or ask where they are. it helps me to keep tabs on them. never the excuse of *i couldnt call cause i dont have a phone*. it is also the rule they have to answer when i call or they lose their phone. when their grades arent up to par they lose their phone. when they stay out to late, they dont get to go out AND they lose their phone. on sundays it is *no phone day* and they plug them into my room all day. i also have them park them in my bedroom at night to charge so they dont stay up all night talking and texting. they really care alot about their phones and it is a great tool for me. we are on a family plan and it is pricey cause we have so many phones, but it is well worth it IMO.

BTW - one day my sons football practice ended early. everyone left and my son was the only one left at a city park in the dark. it was then that i got him a phone so he could call me whenever he needed. you never know when an irresponsible adult will be in charge.

[Teresa K]

I am with 2manyks, my children have cell phones so I know where they are. They are pre paid, I buy them each an hour per month. If they text, they owe me for the messages if it is to a friend "just cuz". I work all over the place, normally there is no problem picking them up in time, but twice, in 1.5 years I was five minutes late, it was a comfort to me to be able to text them so they knew what was going on. I know most kids do have them, the high school where we are has pockets for kids to deposit cell phones and MP3s at the classroom doors. I do think it teaches phone responsibility, when my older spent his time texting friends and had to part with his own money to replace those minutes he learned, and it didn't happen again. If they are at a friends house and don't answer the phone within a reasonable amount of time, they face consequences, at times they don't hear but they know to check in. In our society today it is unfortunate we need a leash on our children, but it has come to that, so I do agree with cell phones, for the right reasons.

Teresa

[leslie5645]

Great input all! I am still not convinced she 'needs' one, for various reasons, she is virtually never without one or the other of us, even at school functions, but I'm starting to think maybe when she gets into high school, a prepaid phone with the restrictions 2manyks imposes would not be a bad idea. Of course, I'm not convinced she'll be able to keep minutes on it so I can contact her, but that can be one of my conditions. Anything to get her to learn to take a longer view, she still seems to live in the immediate present most of the time. I love the idea of giving it as a privelege and using it as a tool.

[carlam]

My step son recently ran up his cell phone bill to 3500 bucks. Thank goodness it was under his mom's plan. Anyways, it was taken away until he could pay it off. Well, we were used to being able to call him and tell him to come home, check up on him, etc. His mother decided to find out what ATT had. SHe stated that they have something called a "smartphone" coming out. Meaning it will only allow phonecalls to home or specific numbers and I am not sure on how it works on incoming. Anyways, we also wanted to get one because it can have a locater on it so if he's lost we can find out exactly where he is. IN any event, we did get him one for Christmas under our verizon plan, I monitor it every day so he can't go wild with it!

[mondk]

I have an almost 11 year old son who has a prepaid phone and he works/does chores to buy his own minutes. He is very active in sports and piano lessons etc. so he has a phone if something lets out early he can notify me. His school does not allow cells on the premises, but I feel he really needs one during his extracurricular activities. So far he has been very responsible with it...just my 2 cents.

Blessings, Michelle

[akcskye]

I posted a thread like this in another part of this board.

I came to the consensus that my children, 10 and 12, do not need a phone right now, and certainly they would not be doing chores around the house to "earn" one.

In my family, chores are your responsibility, no ifs, ands, buts, or expectations of priviledge.

If mom and dad don't get paid to do them, neither should the children be expected to be paid to do them.

Now, going above and beyond doing extra hard things for what a child normally would...such as wearing masks and shoveling out the hen house...they do get paid for those special jobs like that...but washing dishes...doing trash...heck no!

There are plenty of adults out there ready to pay children their age for special help, and that is how they will earn any money for the priviledge of a cell phone...be it mowing a yard, walking a dog...etc.

Virgin mobile has a good pay as you go plan, however...$6.99 a month, 10c a minute, any time.

You pay $6.99 a month...put in however much money you choose to use...$15 to $500...and then every 90 days, you are expected to put $20 in the account to keep it active.

They have cool phones with cool features...and are not contracted...even on their "monthly rate" phones...so should I choose to go with a plan, I'll do that vs. Cricket, like I was thinking of letting them have.

Just my .02, sorry it was so windy. haha

[Sniffles]

Well I technically did not buy my son a new phone, however I got a new one for Christmas and I gave him my old one. I set up a pre-paid account on his. I feel better that he has it because he can contact me at work if he ever needed to. I will not let him take it to school and he usually asks if he can call someone too.

[MominSeattle]

This is a hot topic in our household right now....

I have a 13 yr old adopted daughter (through foster care - not that is matters) ... I bought her and her brother phones two years ago and love using them as leashes. This Christmas they wanted fancier models as the two yr contract was up. Fine.

Last day before Christmas break I see a missed call on my cell phone and it's the dreaded special prefix the school district has. I call; and said daughter is in hot water as her phone was used for crank calls and as the rumor spread she was involved with arranging for a kid to get a butt whooping. She didn't make the calls, but it was her phone and she knew what was going on.

I think it's a liability to me, and another thing they have to be mature to handle the responsibility. I let Mr. Principal know her consequence was no phone upgrade and she would not be bringing a phone back to school until some point in the future. She got her just desserts; as that day someone stole her phone, I suspended the service and she is living phone free.

That's been my experience.

[leslie5645]

I agree with Kristi; "In my family, chores are your responsibility, no ifs, ands, buts, or expectations of priviledge.

If mom and dad don't get paid to do them, neither should the children be expected to be paid to do them."

Any minutes she buys would be paid for with allowance, or money she earns working for Dad, babysitting, etc. I really appreciate the post about the crank calls, however, as that application had not occurred to me, and I know for a fact that she has used friend's cells to make crank calls.

I can see that if we do get her a phone, we are going to have to have a solid list of rules, expectations and consequences in place before she gets it.

I DO like the idea of the smartphone with limited numbers and tracking, but I suspect that will be out of our reach financially. My cell is prepaid, I almost never use it, and I think since I got it two and a half years ago I have spent a total of maybe $250 in required 'top-ups', and when we had a plan that was two to five months worth. (My husband's phone use went way down when he had to PAY everytime he ran out of minutes too! )

[rachelandbrad]

I wanted to add my 2 cents. I was in middle school when colimbine happened and as a parent now if anything ever happened and my child did not have a cell phone to call me on I think I would be very mad at my self. I hope and pray nothing does happen but just in case, I will want to hear my baby's voice.

Rachel

[HBV]

I think maybe it just depends on the kid. My nephew (12) got one not too long ago. He's a pretty responsible kid, and rides the bus to and from school, so my sister and her husband wanted to be sure he was safe and could call if something went wrong.

So far so good.

[asauer]

I'm all about compromise. Went through this w/ my goddaughter who was then 15 (she begged me and her mom for a phone). So, in the end we compromised and went in together to get her a phone (not top of the line mind you, but a regular, black, generic phone. She has to pre-pay the minutes each month (we give her $5 each to help) and after the minutes run out, the phone only allows her to call the police and 911. That only happened once...it so happened that night she was late coming home and was grounded for not calling (her mom knew the minutes had run out). That was all it took, she really keeps tabs on the minutes now..I think it's helped her learn about budgeting with very little money at stake.