[kelceesmom]

How often do you feel like you are being taken advantage of by your spouse? Some days I think that I might as well be single again. It feels like I am raising our daughter that way sometimes. The rare times that I get to go out and see some of my friends my husband will ask when are you going to be home?? Being we, as the moms, do probably 80-90% of the rearing I think I should be able to go and enjoy a few hours out without being asked if I can be home by a certain time. I just get frustrated because I work full time also and take care of our baby and should be allowed some time to myself.

Sorry for the vent. Guess I am tired today and need a little more sleep. Hope everyone is having a good weekend.

[BrandyHagz]

I am fighting this battle now.

My son is 12 - for the first time since our marriage, I am working full time outside of the home (and full time inside of the home, don't ask...I work a lot) - Daily, I get him up, get him ready for school and get him off to start his day...then I get home just before he gets home (I have flexiable work hours) and get all of the homework done, dinner done and housework done.

My husband is upset with me today, because I finally broke down this morning and told him that I am taking weekends off. From this point forward HE can parent our son on the weekends...I need a freakin vacation!

Our son has special needs, he requires a lot of attention - it gets exhausting!

So, yes, I can relate - today, I want to kick my husband (who is laying in bed reading a book) in the knees...but I don't have time, lunch is expected in 45 minutes

[crick]

Sometimes going on "strike" is effective...LOL!

While I do have a very supportive and hands on spouse who does A LOT, there are some times where I feel I'm just completely overwhelmed with doing things and because I am at home, the children related things fall mostly to me. Which as we all know...gets stressful..always being the one the kids come to first and depend on for most things.

What I noticed some time ago though was that I was also in automatic mode. I wanted more involvement from him on weekends and yet continued to do it all. Kids would ask me things, for stuff etc. and I'd vent about it, grudgingly do it and get snippy with dh about it.

So I had a change to make...which was stop doing it all! lol! When the kids are asking for things and I am busy or whatever, I tell them..."go ask your dad because right now I can't help you with that". And I also needed to let it go...meaning if he did or said something I wouldn't have done...well, I get over it. Can't expect him to do everything my way and it's the mental "letting go" part too that I had to work on.

We also made a "division" of labor of sorts. I cook most nights because I'm home. However, I hate clean up and with homework, baths, bedtime etc., it's last on the list. Dh is the kitchen clean up guy and he does it in the morning before going off to work. Gets up about 20 min. earlier and it's part of his morning routine. I had to compromise on the "when" since he was doing the work. I grew up in a house where the kitchen was spanking clean after dinner, so it was hard for me to adjust to that, but overall, it works better for us AND I don't get dishpan hands.

As for the going out...I have a weekly dinner with a friend and just now starting a once a month dinner with a group of friends. Since it's a scheduled thing, it's easier. Dh knows not to plan things on Thursday evenings and knows that everything is his responsibility on those nights.

So maybe try scheduling a set day and time to go out? And once it's incorporated into the routine, hopefully dh will "get with it".

[rjsmom]

Denice -
I can feel your pain. I thought a week home with RJ would give DH a clue well, when I got back he completely quit doing anything. I guess he thought that since I was home he didn't have to anymore. I agree with Brandy sometimes they just need a good kick.
Hope it gets better for you.
Mickey

[Emster]

I feel that way OFTEN, and then the kicker is that Woobie is just a plain ol' Daddy's Boy. Doesn't seem fair does it? I'll get to feeling really taken, then I think DH has a sense that I'm on the edge and he'll do something like get up without aksing at 2am to feed and change the baby...go figure.

[dawnrenee58]

OK, after the last few days, I have to respond to this thread. I had a dream a few nights ago that I was walking up a neverending set of stairs. Timo was on one hip (he weighs 26 pounds, so this is getting HARD TO DO!) and the other arm was loaded down with bags. I was pregnant in the dream, and it is the first time I have dreamt of being preggo. I was trying so hard to get up these steps, and all the while, DH is behind me asking if I could hurry up! WITH NOTHING IN HIS HANDS, not to mention!

The next day I had my first panic attack.

I am going to see a shrink tomorrow.

Now, I know my DH works so hard, 55-60 hours a week in the Operating Room, on his feet. I APPRECIATE THAT! He does this so I can stay home with Timo. But, at the same time, I just get so overwhelmed with having a 20 month old who LOVES to run around and tear the house apart. I swear, he will DESTROY any progress I have made! Then I am in my 3rd trimester and soooooo tired all the time, so it is getting harder to have the energy to do anything! But, I am Polish, and I swear it is in our blood that our houses have to be company ready at all times. I have never gone to my mom's or grandma's and seen it be a mess! So then I feel the guilt of all of it.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I get what you are feeling. I SO GET IT! The other night my DH actually got off work after only 8 hours. I went to Sylvan, where I work about 5 hours a week. I also work 20 hours a week, at night, while Timo is in bed. I tutor online for Sylvan. So, anyways, I leave him and Timo and come home (after 2 hours at Sylvan!) to a child who has not been fed, a house that is even messier than I left it, and SportsCenter blasting away on the TV. Oh yeah, and 2 teenage boys from the youth group at church coming over in a few minutes for dinner. So, I make dinner, shovel it down, clean the kitchen, put Timo to bed, pick up the house, work 3 hours online, do a load of laundry, and then fall into bed exhausted. All the while DH is playing video games with the teenagers. I KNOW that they look up to DH, and that he is a GREAT role model for them. But, I NEED HELP!! BTW, that night was the dream. Anyone wonder where the dream came from?

So, I am going to "talk" to someone tomorrow. I think the panic attack is because I am feeling like if I am this stressed now, when I have a newborn, I will fall apart. I also had another one last night, with DH here, and it scared the living pee pee out of him! So he went and slept in the guest room. ARGH! When will he get it??? I can hear all you screaming it now....NEVER! HE IS A GUY!!!

I did get the superyard out today so that I can clean without my shadow. My mom is coming over to watch him tomorrow......I am supposed to be destressing not bringing more! But it is a Catch 22. I can't go "talk" to someone without her coming. But I can't destress if she comes! IT NEVER ENDS!!!

OK, seriously, once I started this, it ran away from me. STOP DAWN! CLEAN!! STOP WRITING.......
ok, I am done now

now

ok, for real this time.

[mom2justynsarah]

Hmmm, well let's see...

Both my husband & I get up around 6am to start our day. We both work fulltime outside the home.

In the morning, he does get our daughter's bag ready. However, I am the one helping the kids get dressed, washed, brushing their hair & teeth and giving them breakfast.

Then off they go to school (one is in elementary and the other in preschool). I leave work anywhere between 5-5:30pm. Then I am the one who usually picks up both kids.

From the time we get home (around 6pm), I am the one scrambling to make dinner, feeding, cooking, cleaning. Then I help my son with his home work.

Afterwards, a little play time and then I give them borth a bath. By this time, it is around 8pm, and I am still in my work clothes.

After their bath, I get them both in their pajamas. By 9pm, both of them are usually sleeping.

Did I mention where my husband was this whole time? Well, he's either on the phone (making business/personal calls), the computer, watching tv, relaxing.

Not to say that he never helps out. But 90% of the time it is just ME.

[kelceesmom]

I guess that is why God decided that women should have the children. We are the only species that can multi task!!

[myccg2004]

I think some of your husbands MUST BE related to mine! I never really get into this topic with anyone because then I feel guilty. I am a SAHM to my 3 1/2 yr old son. My DH works a lot so that I can stay home. That's where the guilt part comes in. He absolutely never makes me feel guilty, that's all me. We had agreed way before DS came along that I would stay at home and for the most part it works out great. However, there are those breaking point times when all I want is some basic help and he acts like he has no clue what I am talking about. He sees me running around like crazy and is still completely oblivious to what's going on. Mostly because our tv is also blasting Sports Center as I'm trying to make dinner or clean or anything. Sometimes it just takes me "flipping out" to get a response and then he's like, "well why didn't you just ask?"

It is definitely a male thing. He is a great husband, father, friend, etc... He just makes me nuts sometimes.
And as far as multitasking goes, HAHAHA, that's just funny!!

[dawnrenee58]

The only form of multitasking my DH can handle is reading SI while watching ESPN and drinking a beer. He would say that is a good example of him doign 3 things at once.

I do have to say, though, he is watching Timo right now....while he watches a movie on TV. The last time he tried to do this, Timo got into a bottle of Tums that was next to the couch.

Why is that I am the one who has to call Poison Control when DH is supposed to be watching him?

OK, I am supposed to be napping....better go do that!

[kelceesmom]

Go Dawn go. I hope you get a nap for a lot of us!! LOL

[NJNative]

This thread made me laugh, because it reminded me of the day I really, truly wanted to kill my husband by slowing strangling the life out of him with the diaper bag strap.

My son was about 2 (and weighed like 30 pounds naked). I walked in with the kid in his snowsuit on one hip, briefcase, purse AND diaper bag over my shoulder. I had been up at 6, dropped kid at daycare, commuted to city 45 minutes away, worked all day, commuted back, picked kid up, drove home. It was now 6:15 p.m.

What did I see? My husband, who had been home for at least an hour, shoes off, sitting on the sofa, with the mail and newspaper spread out everywhere. What did he say? "Hi, what's for dinner? I am hungry."

I swear it was the closest I ever came to killing someone. Needless to say, we had a little chat after that. I didn't mind cooking, but he needed to get changed and be ready to take the kid off my hands while I did it. Then we would switch for after dinner. I would play a game or something with the kid while the hubby cleaned the kitchen.

But in the long run, by the time my son was 5 and my hubby was traveling nearly all the time, it was part of the reason why I stopped working for 9 years, only going back to full -time after my son was 14.

He doesn't know how lucky he was that day...hehehehe.

Robin

[HBV]

I think they are all related! I had a mini meltdown on Friday because of this exact issue---no sleep in days, a client deadline, an 8 a.m. meeting and he's still in bed while the baby's crying, the dogs are barking to be let out and I need to shower. It's embarassing, but I actually sobbed all the way through my shower. I'll give him this---I got flowers Friday morning.

I think what bugs me is not so much that DH is unwilling to help, but that he can't figure out what to do without directions. The problem is that he sees it as a "Why didn't you ask?" and I see it as "Why do I have to ask?" Apparently his home came with the magical laundry doing, dishwasher emptying, baby bathing fairy.

For a long time I thought it was because he was an only child and his mother spoiled him pretty badly (she's still apologizing to me about it.) Looking at these replies, I can see it has less to do w/ being an only child and more to do w/ his Y chromosome!

Usually I just get him back by pretending that I do not know how to use the drill, caulking gun, power screwdriver, hedgetrimmer, etc.

[loveajax]

I just saw this and THANK GOD I did. I had a MAJOR MELTDOWN last week with DH. Although he definitely helps out a lot, he also gets "breaks" (goes out occasionally with friends, etc.). Although he was "home" this weekend, he would not give me 30 minutes to myself so I could watch the end of a movie. The very, very few times I have been out, he is like, "When are you coming home?" so I feel guilty going out at all.....I am the kind of person who NEEDS alone time, and yet I get none of it.


I am glad to know that I am not alone!!!

[Bug-n-Bears-Mommy]

I don't have a DH...just 3 boys...oh, and it just so happens that one of them is 35 years old!! The bad thing is that the toddlers clean up after themselves better than my "oldest"!!