[lizzytish]

This is my first foray into forums so bear with me. I have a 13 year old son from Ukraine. We brought him home when he was 4 months old, healthy and had been well cared for. We also have a biological son who is seven years older than our adopted son. Up until about 6 months ago, things were fine. He was well adjusted, happy and just a regular kid. He is now a sullen, nasty and defiant child. He is struggling in school as well. We started family counseling 3 months ago which is helping a bit but we are struggling with figuring out what is going on. The therapist told us that all kids this age have identity issues but adopted kids have a much harder time dealing with the loss of self. He is so very defiant and is making life so difficult now.
Would appreciate any other experiences that you can share.

[lucyjoy]

Oh, that lovely teenage attitude. Have you read Parenting teens with Love and Logic by Jim Faye and Foster Cline? It has good ideas for dealing with teen issues and saving your own sanity.

[bridgetkoc]

i think from a personal standpoint, that many adopted children do suffer from an identity problem. Maybe they don't and maybe it is just me. All i can say is, i know that when i was lost trying to find myself and who i was, things definately got rough along the way. i think the age that this happends differs in each person. i went through family counseling, which did help in the long run. the best advice to give would be to to provide as much love and guidance you possibly can, and everything will be okay.

[kretzklan]

I'm sure the struggle is great in dealing with adoption at 13. I have a bio 13yo and he's struggling as well. Finding out who you are is a process. I think you are on the right track with counseling - leaving those communication lines open. I second the love and logic series!

[jp4ga]

My son turned 13 recently. About 6 months before his 13th bday he turned into a "sullen, nasty and defiant child." Prior to that he was funny, lovable, caring, full of compassion now we are dumbfounded at the "new" him. We are dealing with him the best that we can. He is a bio child and the oldest in the family. I have been on the fence about is this "typical" of this age or do we need to find a counselor. Hope you get the help he needs. Let us know what works for you because many of us a struggling with similiar issues.

[lovemy6]

Our theory is that Aliens come down and take their brains. They return them when the kids are around 23-25. Those years in between are dousies! Hang in there, only ten more years and you'll have your lovey back

[DPline]

Just wanted to say that the origional post is from January 2006 and the OP has not been back since then. Though obviously others are dealing with this too.


It doesn't really take until 23-25, does it Lovemy6?
Heaven help me!