[khc]

My normally happy go lucky son is really having some issues this Halloween season. He has suddenly gotten scared of many things lately. Normally he's a good sleeper but one night was waking up every hour or so scared of things in his crib. We finally had to remove all stuffed animals from his crib, he is very insistent on this. Another new development is that he hates my daughter's doll (I must admit that I hate this doll too---creepy---but my daughter loves it). Some of the Halloween decorations really scare him. Can't really avoid this because everywhere you go, there are decorations.

Yesterday, we took both kids on a kid friendly haunted hayride during daylight hours. He cried the whole time and only calmed down when we went pumpkin picking. Shopping in WalMart for costumes scared him when we walked down the aisle because there were many scary masks.

Right now, his language skills are exploding. He understands a ton and is starting to communicate really well. Says things like "me scared." Have you all had happen to your 2 year olds? Last year he was fine with everything and was fearless. Now, he need lots of reassurances and we are having to be careful with scary things. My 4 1/2 year old daughter is not phased by any of this scary stuff.

[spaypets]

Is anything going on at home (tension between you and DH or worries about something?).

My brother was about 2 when he went through a monster phase--he was afraid of our mud room. It's normal toddler behavior, but my mother also thought it had something to do with my father being home a lot (dad's parenting style wasn't a good mesh with my sensitive brother).

[spitzlvr]

My son will be 3 in November, and we are just getting out of the monster phase. He is getting frightened by some Halloween stuff, so we are being careful to have only non-scary Halloween stuff around the house this year.

The costumes also scared him, but he was thrilled to find the fireman costume!!

[khc]

Hummm, now that you mention it, my DH is working some really long hours in his new job (start-up). I've been rather grumpy with him lately so there has been mucho tension in our household lately. He is stressed and I've been stressed that he hasn't been around. We are not an arguing or yelling couple but perhaps the kids are picking up on the tension in our voices. Good to be aware of this and I will work at being a bit more positive. Thanks for the insight....

[tobeafamily]

Ryan's 2 1/2 and is also in the "I'm scared" mode. In his case, he sees monsters and dragons in the yard at night - we make a point of going out there and telling the monsters to 'go home' - works.

He's also scared of anything unusual - for instance this morning the city tree service people were trimming branches outside our house and he was scared of them. I reassured him that Mommy was here and wouldn't let anything bad happen and besides, these people are helping us isn't that great? Then I pointed out how cool the trucks are (he's very into trucks & tractors) and he relaxed.

HTH

Regina

[redhedded]

Khc, We have been experiencing the same and after some reading, I believe that it is completely normal 2 or 3 year old development. My dd, who recently turned two, tells me, "I am scared of the clown." (that we saw at the local fair, and she was terrified of him). She will say, "the halloween costumes are scary," after a visit to Target. And after a visit to the park where a five year old was dressed from head to toe like Spiderman, she said, "I do not like Spiderman anymore. He is scary." He showed her that he was just a boy under the mask; she did not buy it. We have not said any of this; she has not heard it from others. Nothing has changed in our house or in her routine; she is recognizing that these are not animations but humans in costume and does not quite get it yet. We assure her that it is okay and make every attempt to avoid such situations for now.

[spaypets]

Ok, now my curiosity is piqued. My daughter will be 3 next month and has shown no sign of being scared of anything, so now I'm wondering if this is a phase she is going to go through or if she's going to skip this one.

So, those of you with children who are going through the monster phase--how did your children act in new situations before this? If someone jumped out and shouted BOO! would your child laugh or cry (before the monster phase).

DD is pretty fearless at the moment. The only thing she has ever been afraid of is carnival rides and going to four fairs over the course of a summer cured that.

[redhedded]

Hey Spay. Our peanut, while very physically cautious, is pretty fearless. She would NEVER cry if someone jumped out and yelled boo; in fact, she would laugh herself silly for a llooooog time! She is very mature for her age but is very sensitive, not upset easily, but very empathetic, and is always concerned about other kids at the park, storytime, etc. and wants to know why they are crying, upset, throwing things, etc. She tries to console them. I have no idea where the scary thing came from. I think she sees tv characters, clowns, superheroes and people all as individuals that are great, but when people that she can see and touch become monsters or superheroes, she thinks that is just weird. I am pretty sure that it has nothing to do with the books or stories that we read/tell, as she is currently all about Curious George and Pinocchio.

Maybe your dd will not ever go through the "monster phase;" maybe she will remain fearless and will decide that jumping from planes, diving in a shark cage and hangliding across the ocean is the best way to spend a summer!

[khc]

Hi again,
To answer Spay's question. Our son was fearless and would laugh at anything. Now he is much more contemplative of surroundings and his language skills are exploding. I think that it is a combination of going thru a phase and as another poster said, perhaps some picked up tension in the household. Alex is continuing to do some serious sleeping and growing too. So perhaps it's a combination of everything.

Today I am trying to be much more relaxed, taking the advice of you all on these boards. Hubby is headed home with dinner and a bottle of wine.....

Edit: One theory--not to be sexist but are little girls more resiliant then little boys? My daughter has a core of iron. My son seems so much more fragile as I've observed in so many little boys, adopted or not.

[tobeafamily]

Ryan has always taken a bit more time to 'warm' to new situations. He's not a jump-right-in kid, likes to observe before he moves in. Then again, he used to laugh at things like 'boo'.

As for fear, he's still very fearless when it comes to physical activity - will jump off anything, climb anything, etc.

Ryan's language is also exploding, and he's sleeping/eating everything so we've got another growth spurt in progress.

I have heard friends who have girls say that girls seem to do the 'scared of things' phase later than boys - 3-4. I was alarmed at first when Ryan started at 2 1/2, so I called our ped who said it's perfectly normal and that there's a broad range for this cognitive behavior - he's starting to understand that he interacts with the world, and the world isn't always predictible.

HTH

Regina

[spaypets]

Maybe your dd will not ever go through the "monster phase;" maybe she will remain fearless and will decide that jumping from planes, diving in a shark cage and hangliding across the ocean is the best way to spend a summer!

Yikes! Maybe I should encourage her to be afraid of monsters! Truthfully, she's the bravest person I know. She has already had the scariest thing in the world happen to her -- which was to be taken from the only home she ever knew for 18 months and get us as parents. (not sure which was the scariest -- us as parents or the losing her only home!)

Like Ryan, she hangs back and evaluates the situation to get a feel for what the dynamic is so she can adjust. She seems unusually in tune with people's attitudes and more than once has tried to joke us out of a bad mood.

[ll_bay]

Our youngest is 4 1/2 and we have gone through "scared" late in age and in two phases. First was around 3 1/2, being scared of monsters in her room, outside the window, etc. We told her monsters never attack kids with cats (we have 3 cats) and dh made her a "dragon star" to ward off monsters (watch Dragon Tales to know what that is). With time and more than one night sleeping with mom, the phase went away, though did occur about the same time as night terrors which we had regularly for a month or two. But, interestingly enough, the terrors never happened the nights she was afraid of monsters. Go figure. At least both issues passed.

Phase two is very recent and consists of being afraid of her sister's oversized stuff bear and the occasional monster. BUT, this time it is mostly a manipulation ploy- she's trying to "play" us. I know that sounds harsh but if you knew this kid, you'd see what I mean! Whereas before we couldn't ignore the fears, now if we do she just drops it and goes back to bed or whatever she was supposed to be doing in the first place.

Beyond this stuff, this is the most fearless child I've ever met. She often scares *me* and I have to watch her pretty closely, b/c she could get herself in trouble in a hurry and not know it!