[LilOne]

Question from experienced parents out there! I have a daughter that just turned one a week ago. The last few weeks she has turned into a DRAMA QUEEN!! E.G if she cannot have her way she screams a VERY high pitched scream, will drop down to a sitting position, cover her face with her hands and just bawl! If you tell her no about something she puts her hand to her forehead and then follows the steps above and it's driving me CRAZY...majority of people are saying we screwed up and she is spoiled and this is the "after effects" I just think we have a future award winning actress on our hands lol but what do we do in the meantime? She doesn't want to eat..but when you go to remove her from her high chair she screams...but when she is in it, she'll throw her food to the dog, yet if you are eating something she'll say "nummy nummy" and will eat without a problem, (and yes we've tried eating with her as well as feeding her before/after we eat) so is it ok to just eat at will? I have taken her to her ped. and she stated it's all normal she's just too advanced and is frustrated. Does that make any sense? I've been reading but everything I'm finding is stating that this is stuff for toddlers and not this age! She's pretty much an only child, (she has a half sib but she is only her every other weekend or so) any advice?

Thanks in advance!

[AlexasMom]

Hi lil one -

Our daughter is about to turn 14 months old. We went through the "no eating" thing when she turned a year old, too. So...here's what I did: I would put a couple of pieces of food on her tray and let her feed herself (she wanted to do this..). And, as soon as she threw a piece of food on the floor, I would tell her "If you throw 1 more piece of food on the floor - meal time will be "all done." And, when she did throw it on the floor, I removed her from the high chair - with no other reaction. My face was "stoic." Yes, she cried the first few times, but I just let her cry it out. And, - I didn't put her back in her high chair. She needed to learn that if she threw her food - the food was taken away. Believe me...they won't starve themselves. I would try again, about an hour later, to put her back in her high chair. If she threw food again - out she came, etc...until she finally quit. Now, when she is truly full, she hangs her arm over the edge of the high chair, with a piece of food in it - but doesn't throw it - and that is her "I'm full" signal. As far as the rest of the tantrums go - my daughter has just begun having "mini" ones, and when she does that, I just tell her that I cannot help her when she acts like that - and I will be happy to be with her again when she gains control of herself - then I just walk away - and let her work it out herself. And, her tantrums are almost non-existent, as she knows they do not produce results.

It's a tough time, I know.....it's so hard when these little buggers seem to be smarter than we are .... -but, hang in there.

Let me know how it's going!

Good luck!
Teri

[nancynic]

Hi,

I just wanted to add some support and encouragement along with Teri's great advice!

It can be confusing dealing with 'dramatic' behavior of infants and toddlers.

I really like Teri's response to dealing with the throwing the food on the floor issue ... because that is using logical consequences for behavior that we want to change. When a child throws food, she is taken away from her high chair.

Children love attention and will do anything for it. And even when we give them lots of attention they want more! So, throwing food and temper tantrums are ways of getting attention. Rather than giving lots of attention we need to set limits and give less attention as Teri described in her response about the temper tantrums.

These situations are opportunities for teaching children some limits and self control. It takes a lot of patience and understanding and follow through to turn these behaviors around. It's important to give lots of encouragement and positive reinforcement for behaviors which we want to continue. So when you daughter is finished eating and doesn't throw food let her know how great that is.

And, don't worry about your daughter not eating enough ... children need very little food when they are so young, and she'll let you know when she's hungry.

Best of luck!
NancyNic

[Teresa K]

Lisa,

As I told you, the pre teen years are conditioning for parents for what is to come. That adorable baby (girls she is a doll!!!) is trying to train you to her way of thinking. And nope UPS still does not ship children, try Fed Ex. In the meantime tell Precious Baby Auntie Teresa is looking for a book on how to properly train parents for her or maybe I will find a baby forum,so I check and see if kids compare how to deal with parents who just do not cooperate . hehe...Teresa

[stacyone]

Let me heartily recommend the book "Secrets of the Baby Whisperer for Toddlers" by Tracy Hogg. I'm serious. Buy it today.

When my daughter has a meltdown (her Daddy just walked out the door for rehearsal, etc.) I tell her I'm really sorry she's sad and I'll be right "over here" when she's ready for a hug. She hates it when I touch her at that moment but sobs uncontrollably if I walk away, so I stay in the vicinity. I try to validate her feelings -- and I think that's what the drama is about, having all these pesky emotions and no words. Also, you may want to try teaching her a few "signs" -- this was suggested to me on a previous thread and my daughter has already learned a couple!

Time-outs are also proving invaluable, since she's got a serious temper. She hits when she's angry, then she has to go in time-out, which for an 18m old means sitting on the stairs with Mommy for 15 seconds. We've been known to have 2 or 3 time-outs in a 5 minute period, but then she remembers and stops hitting.

As for eating, go with Teri's advice. That's almost exactly what we did. And I also have a "eat what you get" policy. If she doesn't like what I serve, I give her crackers, applesauce and milk. As I always tell her, "I ain't runnin' no d**n restaraurant here, honey." I refuse to be a short-order cook for my entire family.

Good luck -- I try to remind myself periodically that I have to respect a girl who knows her own mind!

[LilOne]

lol! Auntie Teresa, I have a feeling that your communicating somehow with darling Jadyn! Her newest thing is if you tell her NO about ANYTHING she will sit and pout and let single tears fall down one at a time while sniffling!! Then she'll come up to you and give you a hug if you attempt to "not pay" attention. so teresa, she's on her way to you!! I'll take her in her teen years lol!

Could this be a thing with being overtired? She usually goes to bed between 7-8pm and sleeps till 7am or so. But doesn't really nap during the day??


How come kids don't come with instruction books?

[Teresa K]

Lisa,
They do come with instructions, "Life will be miserable unless I am happy, what makes me happy changes at whim"

Seriously, I agree with the food suggestions, she will not starve, if she will not eat what you have have one standby food that she does like. But, that can change often too, seems like taste buds change weekly with kids. In fact Keyan told me that one day, he used to love bbq chicken, I made it just for him, he said "Mom, my taste buds are growing up too, I want a Chef Salad", he got it because I spoil him beyond belief.

As far as sleeping, I think for everyone's sanity a child that age needs a nap. I could never let my kids cry themselves to sleep. I used to tell my kids I was really sleepy, how about we read a story and just rest our eyes, usually they would sleep an hour or so. Yeah, maybe not the best way but we would both fall asleep in the rocking chair. I look at my advice and realize it looks like the kids are rotten. Well, could be, but Keyan was Citizen of the Year at his school last year, ALL the teachers love him because of his hug and peck on the cheek every morning, the principal even gets one and has said if the day starts off bad she will look for him just for the smile and hug. (The older kids say he is just a kiss up). Chad was beyond spoiled as I could not walk the year he was three after the burns, so if you do spoil her she will be just fine. All of mine have always been complimented on their compassion and kindness. So spoil her, but do not let her run your life. And of course she can visit.....my kids can teach her the advanced course of parent manipulation. LOL....give her a hug and kiss for me....Luv ya...Teresa

[AlexasMom]

Hi Lil One...

One more thing I just thought of, and I'm sure you already know this....but - sometimes our kids do go on "eating strikes" for whatever reason....a phase, teething, working on a motor skill, etc. And, when our daughter has done this, I do make sure she gets tons of fluids...water, formula, pediasure, juice - whatever. The only reason I even bring that up is I was just talking to a mom at a "Mommy amd Me" class, and her daughter just had to be hospitalized for dehydration - as her child went on this "eating strike" and she wasn't getting enough fluids....

Just thought I'd add that - for what it's worth.

Good luck!

Teri