[bandfan]

Hey ya'all! Let me tell you about a situation I'm going through right now. I am the adoptee in my family, but this isn't about me, it's regarding my oldest son. (He's 12, and he is also mildly autistic). I was married to his dad for about 2 years then we were divorced. His dad always took advantage of visitation, and I had no problem with this, even when I remarried. His dad has been in and out of 3 marriages and fathered 2 other children in 10 years, but always managed to still visit with our son. UNTIL NOW! He's madly in love with his new girlfriend, and this lady had a problem with his kids. She's already talked him into relinquishing his rights to his 2 younger sons. I just know my son is next...

If this is really what he wants, I don't see how I can get around it. My husband (my son's stepdad) has been the "available" father for 10 years. He wants to adopt him as his own. No problem there. My problem is, how do I break the news to my son that this is going on? How do I tell him that he may not get to see his 2 little half brothers any more? My son really loves his birth dad, and it hurts me to think that his dad could walk away from this! He is affecting the lives of so many people with this situation, and I can't stand it!! I feel like my hands are tied!

I appreciate the opportunity to voice this. I've had to do alot of reflecting on my own past to deal with this. The fact that I have issues about being "given up", not only by my bfamily, but also my adoptive family are weighing heavily in to all this, and I just don't want my son to have to deal with the same things I have!

Thanks again, Sheila

[Judilyn]

Sheila, Sorry for what your going through. If this comes to pass it will not be easy to deal with. The important thing is not letting your son feel that he was in any way responsible for his Dad's choices. He may need some counceling to help him vent his feelings, it is a loss.
Hopefully it won't come to pass. His Dad will wake up and see what he is doing before it is too late. If he does not come to his senses then it will be his loss.

God Bless
Judilyn

[hprestonalexand]

Hi Sheila, it's Heather. I wanted to see how things are going for you. I hope all is well, we havn't talked for a while, I hope things are ok. If you want to talk please email me, my address has changed to jralexandria@yahoo.com Hope to talk to you soon.

[manon]

I guess I have a lot to learn about relinquishment of birth father's rights when the birth mother is not relinquishing. I wouldn't have thought a birth father could do that. Heaven knows there are a million (well, maybe not that many, but a lot) divorced men out there who would vastly prefer not to have child support obligations after their divorce and who effectively disappear from their child's life after the divorce. But I wouldn't think they could just relinquish to no longer have that legal obligation.

I'm so sorry for the situation you & your child are in. I knew a woman once who had told me flat out that the only way her married lover could "prove his love" to her would be if he would cut all ties with his not-yet-grown kids. She said that's what true love is. I told her she was out of her mind, and she had an incredibly twisted definition of what true love is. Sounds like your ex's new girlfriend is of the same ilk.

Best wishes to you.

[BrandyHagz]

Manon,

Unless there is someone to step in and take the place of the father, he cant just terminate because he wants to. There would have to be a step parent willing to adopt...

[numbr1dbcksfan]

I think it varies by state..... but definately he would not be able to relinquish just because he wants to...you would have to agree. But that wouldnt remove him from the BC or anything it would just mean he doesnt have to pay any support and he would have no right to visitation or any details about the child. The only way to issue a new BC would be for someone to adopt...

So really it is your call in this situation...you can tell him no, and he would still have to pay support....but of course you cant force him to visit....

How aweful for your son!!

Christine

[manon]

I know you can't control whether your ex decides to forego seeing your son, but I'd strongly suggest to him that instead of doing anything legally cutting ties, that if he needs to take a break for a while from contact with his son, that he not burn his bridges behind him with his son. He may have a change of heart later after the new woman (who clearly has no concept of commitment, since she's urged him to renege on his commitment to his other children) dumps him for a new version someday.

It still leaves you with a difficult explanation for your son to have to swallow. Personally I'd be inclined to say his birth dad has lost his mind and may be back someday after he gets treatment, and that it doesn't have to do with the son at all. I know kids have so much trouble not personalizing things, especially something like this.

So sorry he's such a jerk.