[Judilyn]

Our youngest child is our adaughter who is 8 years old. She is the youngest of our family, was the youngest in her bio family, and was the youngest in her foster family that she lived with for 1 year.

The problem that we are having is that she wants to look and act likes she 16 not 8.

And me, being the "mean mommy" (ha-ha) is the one who needs to say "no" all the time. "No" to makeup, "no" to boyfriends, "no"to looking like popular young female popstars (not sure if I could say the name on a forum).

With all the "no's" I do try to give her some "yes's" For example. make up can be put on if she is playing dressup but not put on to wear outside the house.

But sometimes she concerns me because her actions and conversation's are too grown up. I put her in dance class because she enjoys it and she is very good at it. And, because they are teaching her new ways to dance so it's taking her focus off of dancing like"popular young female pop stars". It was getting embaressing becuase we would be in church and she would start dancing around in a very inappropraite way.

I'm sure this behavior probably has somthing to do with being the baby of the family. Any suggestions out there for encouraging her to slow down and just enjoying being 8? 16 will be here soon enough!

Judilyn

[Sharon]

My son is the same way. He's eleven but wants so much to dress and act older, like a tough teenager... he wants to hang out with older kids too. I suspect it is because he is highly intelligent for his age, but somewhat emotionally immature. There is a huge discrepency between his mental and emotional age levels. I finally agreed to let him dress and wear his hair more or less the way he wants (even though I can't stand it) but NOT to hang out with older kids, go out at night, etc. In other words, I allow him to look the part but not to act it. Weirdly enough, it seems to have helped. All he really wants at this age is to "look cool", not necessarily to do all the things that older kids do. We have a standing agreement too concerning his grades and behavior at school. If the clothes and spiky hair start to effect his grades or his attitude, then they are too distracting and are going to GO. His grades have actually improved since I loosened up a bit on the dress code. Anyway, this is what worked for me... I can't promise it will work for your daughter. I think with a little girl you have to be more careful (with makeup, etc...) because you don't want her to become a target for older boys and men. I understand what you're going through, and I wish you the best of luck. Sincerely, ~Sharon

[dpen]

Hey guys, I have an 11 yearold boy(twin) that wants to be 19 in actions,clothes,mannerisms ect. I attribute it to having older brothers, and T.V.. He has just informed me that he has a girlfriend.......You know at first i thought it was all very innocent...until I saw the conversation on line they were having....it was something from mtv!!! they are only 4rth grade!!!What I am trying to do is get him involved in age appropriate activities. Basball, scouts, soccer....I tried to forbid the phone(thats how they do thier communicating) but I would find him under the bed with the phone...realized that wasn,t going to work! You know, the forbidden fruit...so hope fully this will just play out. The more I make a big deal the more he will be driven to it. He is my tester! Thankfully they don't go anywhere together and where I live you need a car to get anywhere. God , help me get trough these next 10 years!!! Donna

[Judilyn]

Sharon and dpen.

I try not to make a big deal about all of this to her because, your right, she is a tester too! You know it's funny but I am so careful about what they watch on TV. We are not home in the daytime so she never views soaps. But, the other day she was playing with her Barbies and I herad her talking for them. She was pretending that one of the female dolls had just found out that the male doll was cheating on her with the other female doll. Where does she come up with this stuff? It's funny, but scary!

When we shop for clothes together for her I tend to go towards the items that still make her look like a little girl. I could let her start making a few of her own choices as long as their not too bad. She wanted a 2 piece swim suit this year. Maybe that would be a place to start.

I was the baby in my family. I do not remember trying to act older but then again I had all older brothers. I always wanted to be a tom-boy.

Oh, the joys of parenting! I would not trade these moments for anything!!!

Judilyn

[trunks888]

Judilyn
this is more common than you think.
my friend owns a skating rink and I see girls acting just as you are stating. It's totaly common.

However I feel you are very wise to say no to most this stuff
I wish more parents did.
I think this worlds kids would be alot better.

So Keep your chin up.
I'll be praying for you
Take care.

[nancynic]

Hi,

It's so true, kids can't wait to grow up. They are influenced by the media and their older siblings and friends. They have no idea how nice it is to be young and carefree!

It's a good idea to ignore as much as possible ... sometimes when we try to change what our kids are doing, they want what they want even more ... so whenever possible ignoring behavior is a good way to end it. When kids get attention for certain behaviors they continue those behaviors for the attention (even when it's negative attention!).

Then, when you child is acting appropriately for their age ... that's the time to give them attention ... so they learn that being themselves is what will bring them your attention.

I can remember wanting to grow up really fast. I wanted to do things my own way and to have freedom. And when my parents got strict, I rebelled. It's important to give kids some choices and responsibilities that are age appropriate so they feel they have some 'place' in the family. That way they don't need to assert themselves in other ways, like dressing/acting older than they are.

Ahhh youth! It goes by so fast!
NancyNic

[sweetnoodle]

Judilyn,
I think you are doing everything right too. It's significant that you realize that there needs to be give and take, not just "no's" all the time.

I have a young daughter who wants to be very stylish too, but the bottom line of it is, she really just wants to be liked, and I think she perceives this is how she can be liked. When she learned that the majority of other kids really didn't notice hair, makeup, nails, etc. the drive for it somewhat diminished. She will probably always care about it, and like you, I let her do some things. I've made it a point when I am looking at magazines to draw her attention to design and fashion and actually discuss what she thinks. Fashion and design are subjective and can be discussed in much the same way as art can. Immodesty can be seen and discussed as well.

The fact that you put her in dance classes also shows that you are concentrating on her gifts and talents, just pointing them in a much more productive area. You are doing everything you can; what else can you do??

Kids, ya' gotta' LOVE em,